feeling disconnected from family at home

[Sab]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anybody here experienced often feeling disconnected from their loved ones/partners/family (the people you live with and are closer to). I live with my partner and their kid and I get bouts of feeling really disconnected from them, like I’m watching them from the outside like a TV show and really struggle with interactions. I feel guilty for not being more consistent and stable in my ability to connect but sometimes I feel really far from them and it feels really scary. It happens mostly when I’m not feeling very confident and good about myself and during periods of depression. I guess it would feel validating to know that I am not alone experiencing something like this cause I feel a bit broken right now.

Thanks,

Sab

 

[Aspychata]

So sorry to hear you feel this way. Do you have ways of letting them know that you are in overt sensitive and repair mode? Is it to hard for you to express to them at this time or do you ask for more hug time and focus on me time?

Can you voice to them what you need to feel connected? Or is just scary to say hey l need you? If they are your true support system, they will be there for you, no questions asked.

 

[Kiley]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anybody here experienced often feeling disconnected from their loved ones/partners/family (the people you live with and are closer to). I live with my partner and their kid and I get bouts of feeling really disconnected from them, like I’m watching them from the outside like a TV show and really struggle with interactions. I feel guilty for not being more consistent and stable in my ability to connect but sometimes I feel really far from them and it feels really scary. It happens mostly when I’m not feeling very confident and good about myself and during periods of depression. I guess it would feel validating to know that I am not alone experiencing something like this cause I feel a bit broken right now.

Thanks,

Sab

Growing up, I constantly felt as though I was on the outside looking in at my family. Sure, I loved them- but didn’t know at all how to show it or how to process it. It was one of the loneliest feelings in the world.
I’m 24 now, and over the last few years have been getting better with this in particular - but I often still feel very disconnected from my partner.

 

[Sab]

So sorry to hear you feel this way. Do you have ways of letting them know that you are in overt sensitive and repair mode? Is it to hard for you to express to them at this time or do you ask for more hug time and focus on me time?

Can you voice to them what you need to feel connected? Or is just scary to say hey l need you? If they are your true support system, they will be there for you, no questions asked.

I think that when I'm feeling this way my reaction is to withdraw, which doesn't help with feeling connected. Like I have a hard time interacting so I just don't really do it and spend a lot of time in my room. It's like it's hard for me to feel connected to my life and what I've built so I just withdraw and feel shame and then eventually feel connected again. But those cycles are exhausting and scary. I'm not sure how to talk about it with my partner.

 

[Aspychata]

I think a good person disclosed to me the same. And l just have to lay low during the down times. Wish they could feel more comfortable talking to me about it. But my little knowledge says that it's all on their time, when they wish to discuss it, which maybe never. l really don't know. Just do my best to be there when they feel okay. Sometimes it's hard for me. I want to write funny notes, make them laugh and feel good, that's just who l am, but this is strictly by their rulebook. So l sit in sadness that l can't hug them, tickle their feet, make them coffee but such is life. It's tough for both sides.

 

[Progster]

like I’m watching them from the outside like a TV show and really struggle with interactions.

This is how I feel in social situations, and before I was diagnosed and knew what it really was, I used to call it this - watching TV. At school, for example, I used to sit at the edge of a group of people and just not join it. I feel disconnected, like watching from behind glass, whereas other people are engaged and clearly having a completely different experience to me. I can talk to individuals, but not be a part of a friend group, I always feel detached and apart. A lot of socialising is masking for me, as my inside does not match my outside, as @Pats puts it in another thread.

 

[Stuart1975]

Yeah completely the same, even on here I feel on the edge of a group (stupid I know) I think that’s why I don’t post much but rate quite a lot. Makes me feel involved I suppose. Ha ha sounds pretty sad

 

[Bolletje]

During my depressive episodes I feel incredibly disconnected from everyone. This is only exacerbated by the fact that I tend to minimize social contact during these episodes. The last episode was pretty bad. Boyfriend and I live together, but I spent months in bed, hardly communicating and not feeling able to listen intently to what my boyfriend was telling me. He told me he felt like I was gone during that time, just a husk with my physical characteristics.
I couldn’t relate to my friends either, because all the things they were talking about seemed meaningless to me. I was in my pit of despair and didn’t have room for anything else in my head.

Luckily the depression had subsided again and I am feeling like myself and like I can connect to others once more. But it’s scary to know that the total disconnect is just one chemical disturbance away.

 

[Sab]

I think a good person disclosed to me the same. And l just have to lay low during the down times. Wish they could feel more comfortable talking to me about it. But my little knowledge says that it's all on their time, when they wish to discuss it, which maybe never. l really don't know. Just do my best to be there when they feel okay. Sometimes it's hard for me. I want to write funny notes, make them laugh and feel good, that's just who l am, but this is strictly by their rulebook. So l sit in sadness that l can't hug them, tickle their feet, make them coffee but such is life. It's tough for both sides.

That sounds hard. I think it is hard on both sides. To be on the other end of the inability to connect. I know it's rough on my partner when I suddently hide inside myself. It's like the person you love is not there anymore.

 

[Sab]

This is how I feel in social situations, and before I was diagnosed and knew what it really was, I used to call it this - watching TV. At school, for example, I used to sit at the edge of a group of people and just not join it. I feel disconnected, like watching from behind glass, whereas other people are engaged and clearly having a completely different experience to me. I can talk to individuals, but not be a part of a friend group, I always feel detached and apart. A lot of socialising is masking for me, as my inside does not match my outside, as @Pats puts it in another thread.

Yeah, that's well put "my inside does not match my outside". That feeling of being outside during social situations is so hard. When I was younger, I used the symbol of an astronaut to represent that feeling of being far and looking from the outside at people living their lives. It's so difficult when there is a desire to connect, from us and from others, but sort of this glass wall in between. Thanks for sharing Progster.

 

[Sab]

During my depressive episodes I feel incredibly disconnected from everyone. This is only exacerbated by the fact that I tend to minimize social contact during these episodes. The last episode was pretty bad. Boyfriend and I live together, but I spent months in bed, hardly communicating and not feeling able to listen intently to what my boyfriend was telling me. He told me he felt like I was gone during that time, just a husk with my physical characteristics.
I couldn’t relate to my friends either, because all the things they were talking about seemed meaningless to me. I was in my pit of despair and didn’t have room for anything else in my head.

Luckily the depression had subsided again and I am feeling like myself and like I can connect to others once more. But it’s scary to know that the total disconnect is just one chemical disturbance away.

Yeah, it's difficult to completely let go during the good times when you've experienced depression. It's like it's always potentially near. Sorry you had to go through that, it sounds really difficult. Glad to read you're feeling like yourself again and are able to connect more.

 

[Jason Bennett]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if anybody here experienced often feeling disconnected from their loved ones/partners/family (the people you live with and are closer to). I live with my partner and their kid and I get bouts of feeling really disconnected from them, like I’m watching them from the outside like a TV show and really struggle with interactions. I feel guilty for not being more consistent and stable in my ability to connect but sometimes I feel really far from them and it feels really scary. It happens mostly when I’m not feeling very confident and good about myself and during periods of depression. I guess it would feel validating to know that I am not alone experiencing something like this cause I feel a bit broken right now.

Thanks,

Sab

You are NOT alone in this! Over the years, I have felt socially clueless, but wanting better social interactions. My wife and 3 daughters explained to me that I would mostly go off by myself and then feel unloved. Sheesh. Granted, I need a lot of quiet, alone time to re-energize and think about my interests, but I believe I have taken it a bit far and made my family feel like I was aloof and uninterested. Over the last year, I decided one day that no matter how put-out or uncomfortable I felt, I would engage those in close proximity. I started with my wife and daughters and I could see an immediate benefit; imagine that. These simple things are not always picked up by my brain. I have a special talent for making things more difficult because I'm a thinker. Today, I believe social interactions have more to do with deciding to be vulnerable, not worried what others think, and going more by heart/body and telling my brain to take a break.

 

[Sab]

You are NOT alone in this! Over the years, I have felt socially clueless, but wanting better social interactions. My wife and 3 daughters explained to me that I would mostly go off by myself and then feel unloved. Sheesh. Granted, I need a lot of quiet, alone time to re-energize and think about my interests, but I believe I have taken it a bit far and made my family feel like I was aloof and uninterested. Over the last year, I decided one day that no matter how put-out or uncomfortable I felt, I would engage those in close proximity. I started with my wife and daughters and I could see an immediate benefit; imagine that. These simple things are not always picked up by my brain. I have a special talent for making things more difficult because I'm a thinker. Today, I believe social interactions have more to do with deciding to be vulnerable, not worried what others think, and going more by heart/body and telling my brain to take a break.

Thanks for sharing Jason. I really resonate with what you've shared. I've been thinking lately that I'd like to chose to try to connect and make myself vulnerable in that way instead of withdrawing. I want to make the difference between the alone time I need and the alone time that comes from feeling disconnected or uncomfortable. Your comment is really helpful and validating, thanks!