Feeling inferior to my brother

[Tarliki]

my brother used to be a member of Wrongplanet, the same wrongplanet that I was kicked off of. My brother, despite his brashness, fiery temper, aggressive personality, etc. still was loved on wrongplanet and when he made a thread talking about being married everyone was cheering for him and showed him tons of love and congratulations. he eventually left wrongplanet to focus on his education and right now he's doing much better in life despite everything he's been through.

I'm the total opposite of my brother. when I made an account on Wrongplanet the same people who loved my brother hated and despised me, fought with me and didn't care about me when I was permanently banned. Unlike my brother who's strong willed and tough as nails im weak, soft and a coward. Unlike my brother who people like no one likes me. And unlike my brother who was successful enough to find a fiance that only ended up in divorce because of his health deteriorating, someone like me is too ugly and unloveable for anyone to love me.

I dont hate my brother, I know he has a hard life and his own challenges that I cant ever understand. he lost his best friend to suicide, had an abusive biological father (we're step brothers), has taken more punches to the face than Muhammad Ali, suffered a terrible life altering injury in 2017, lost his mom in 2020, and has been through terrible "stuff" I could never understand. yet despite that all I sometimes wish I was as tough, resilient and accomplished as my brother. I wish I could be someone that isn't a loser like the one I am.

 

[Crossbreed]

WP is not an objective touchstone on which to base your self-worth (or anyone else's...).
Put them in your rear-view mirror.

 

[Statest16]

I'm sorry you feel so bad ,try to put WP in the past

 

[Tarliki]

I'm sorry you feel so bad ,try to put WP in the past

This isn't about Wrongplanet anymore. This is about me being a disappointment to myself and my family and failing to live up to the standard expected of me. Men in my culture are supposed to be tough, strong, unfazed, stoic, and not pusillanimous sponges; everything im not. Im timid, weak, I start to quiver and shake during confrontations and I cant protect myself. My brother has to always protect me, always fight my battles, and im tired of being so weak and spineless. My brother is a fighter yet I cant even enter a confrontation verbally without my body shaking and getting scared. im scared of everyone and everything, scared and powerless, I cant take it.

today there was a confrontation outside my house and all I could do was shake and cry. im pathetic. my brother laughed at me and told me to man up and not be a [insert p word], but genuinely didnt know why I kept shaking and feeling so scared.

 

[Statest16]

This isn't about Wrongplanet anymore. This is about me being a disappointment to myself and my family and failing to live up to the standard expected of me. Men in my culture are supposed to be tough, strong, unfazed, stoic, and not pusillanimous sponges; everything im not. Im timid, weak, I start to quiver and shake during confrontations and I cant protect myself. My brother has to always protect me, always fight my battles, and im tired of being so weak and spineless. My brother is a fighter yet I cant even enter a confrontation verbally without my body shaking and getting scared. im scared of everyone and everything, scared and powerless, I cant take it.

today there was a confrontation outside my house and all I could do was shake and cry. im pathetic. my brother laughed at me and told me to man up and not be a [insert p word], but genuinely didnt know why I kept shaking and feeling so scared.

What your describing sounds like is feelings emasculation.It sounds like your family is not helping.
1.Try an activity like weight lifting might help reverse those feelings and build some confidence.
2.This might sound extreme and I would not take what I'm about to say lightly or casually.This is traditionally bad advice but unusual circumstances need different approaches.
Maybe just cut ties with your family ,just get em out of your,it sounds like more than anything your family is bringing you down and making you feel inadequate.Maybe some time on your own will also boost confidence as well.

I know they say family is everything and that's often true but in unusual circumstances sometimes the cliche's go out the window.Save yourself first,if the dynamic between you and your family is destroying you from the inside,step away for a while.

 

[Crossbreed]

Men in my culture are supposed to be...

Which culture is that?

I have been a US Marine Corps Reservist, but I still find personal, physical confrontations to be very unsettling.
(Even if I were to win in such a fight, I could still sustain long-term or permanent injuries

and its chaotic nature violates my sense of order.)​

 

[OkRad]

This isn't about Wrongplanet anymore. This is about me being a disappointment to myself and my family and failing to live up to the standard expected of me. Men in my culture are supposed to be tough, strong, unfazed, stoic, and not pusillanimous sponges; everything im not. Im timid, weak, I start to quiver and shake during confrontations and I cant protect myself. My brother has to always protect me, always fight my battles, and im tired of being so weak and spineless. My brother is a fighter yet I cant even enter a confrontation verbally without my body shaking and getting scared. im scared of everyone and everything, scared and powerless, I cant take it.

today there was a confrontation outside my house and all I could do was shake and cry. im pathetic. my brother laughed at me and told me to man up and not be a [insert p word], but genuinely didnt know why I kept shaking and feeling so scared.

Maybe you are just an academic or something. Professors don't swing a lot of punches.

 

[Owliet]

I’ve felt envious of my sister before. Growing up she was the golden one who had always the high praise, the friends, one of the tops in school, relationships, comfortable in her own skin, and all that. To some degree, I still probably wish I was like her, she makes friends easily, and I do not.

I start to quiver and shake during confrontations

Sometimes, this can happen because of the adrenaline. Not because you’re scared. I shake when I have to do confrontations. It’s not because I’m scared.

 

[Alexej]

HI and Welcome to the Forums @Tarliki

 

[Matthias]

my brother used to be a member of Wrongplanet, the same wrongplanet that I was kicked off of. My brother, despite his brashness, fiery temper, aggressive personality, etc. still was loved on wrongplanet and when he made a thread talking about being married everyone was cheering for him and showed him tons of love and congratulations. he eventually left wrongplanet to focus on his education and right now he's doing much better in life despite everything he's been through.

I'm the total opposite of my brother. when I made an account on Wrongplanet the same people who loved my brother hated and despised me, fought with me and didn't care about me when I was permanently banned. Unlike my brother who's strong willed and tough as nails im weak, soft and a coward. Unlike my brother who people like no one likes me. And unlike my brother who was successful enough to find a fiance that only ended up in divorce because of his health deteriorating, someone like me is too ugly and unloveable for anyone to love me.

I dont hate my brother, I know he has a hard life and his own challenges that I cant ever understand. he lost his best friend to suicide, had an abusive biological father (we're step brothers), has taken more punches to the face than Muhammad Ali, suffered a terrible life altering injury in 2017, lost his mom in 2020, and has been through terrible "stuff" I could never understand. yet despite that all I sometimes wish I was as tough, resilient and accomplished as my brother. I wish I could be someone that isn't a loser like the one I am.

Most people will avoid you if you see yourself as ugly, unlovable, and a loser because they don't want to be dragged down by your negativity. If you think more positively, you'll be more confident and more people will want to be around you because your positivity will help them feel better. Counseling or reading some of the many self-help books about CBT and emotions can help you see yourself more positively and accurately (ugliness is subjective and no one is unlovable or a loser - those are overgeneralizations that ignore your positive qualities that everyone has)

 

[Markness]

This isn't about Wrongplanet anymore. This is about me being a disappointment to myself and my family and failing to live up to the standard expected of me. Men in my culture are supposed to be tough, strong, unfazed, stoic, and not pusillanimous sponges; everything im not. Im timid, weak, I start to quiver and shake during confrontations and I cant protect myself. My brother has to always protect me, always fight my battles, and im tired of being so weak and spineless. My brother is a fighter yet I cant even enter a confrontation verbally without my body shaking and getting scared. im scared of everyone and everything, scared and powerless, I cant take it.

today there was a confrontation outside my house and all I could do was shake and cry. im pathetic. my brother laughed at me and told me to man up and not be a [insert p word], but genuinely didnt know why I kept shaking and feeling so scared.

I feel your pain. My own older brother keeps me out of the spotlight and gets all the respect while I get pushed to the wayside and am hated.

Also, I agree about Wrong Planet. It’s a horrible place and needs to fade into the binary void.

 

[Tarliki]

I feel your pain. My own older brother keeps me out of the spotlight and gets all the respect while I get pushed to the wayside and am hated.

Also, I agree about Wrong Planet. It’s a horrible place and needs to fade into the binary void.

Since you know who my brother is I just want to be transparent: my brother, for all of his flaws, is genuinely a good and kind person. I dont hate him even when he can be tough and over the top. I love my brother and knows he's had a hard life and that if he comes off as hard and mean its not meant to be taken that way, even if I do think he should get help and do therapy. However there is a part of me that envies my brother, like he's the guy getting married this year, and while I want him to be happy, part of me wishes I can also succeed in life the way he is. ive never told my brother how I feel, and maybe he's reading this post, but I genuinely dont want ill for my brother but just wish I can be someone who succeeds in life like he is right now.

 

[Tarliki]

HI and Welcome to the Forums @Tarliki

oh thank you.

 

[Suzanne]

I am the eldest of 5 of us and my second sister, is so different from me and when a child, I actually did admire her ability to make friends fast, but as we grew up, we were compared two a lot and I always came off the worst, because, she oozes confidence; is very talented and successful with her life, whereas I am not at a confident and found at talent rather late in life and to the world, I am far from successful.

When we were children, she won awards for gymnastics and her awards were put on the wall. I won awards for good behaviour and being kind to others and my awards ended up on the floor, torn and muded and that is how we were treated and it pained me, because of being the older one.

Lol, one time, we all went on a holiday and within 30 mins of arriving, she had tons of peers hanging around her and that was the last anyone saw of her. The last day of the holiday, I made a friend, but had no idea how to go forward, so, in fact, I missed out on many opportunites to make friends.

I guess, I could be called a whistle blower, because as a young adult, I went to the police and told of all the abuse and not a single sibling or parent or extention family, sided with me and in fact, I was shouted at on the street, for going against the parents. That sister, even defected on me and then, year's later, posted on her facebook how she cannot tolerate her mother anymore and even told about the abuse and she got a ton of support and told her brave she was! I wanted to smash the screen and punch her, quite frankly.

I stopped being envious of her some time ago, because we did video call once and she looked so rough and lol after she actually tried to undye her hair to my colour. (A bit of back history. We both were born with red hair, but at a young age, she bleached her hair blond and I have never touched my hair), so by her actually trying to turn her hair back to its original colour, told me that she was actually envious of me at that point and I admit, I rather enjoyed that.

I am terribly sorry for talking about myself here.

Is it at all possible that your brother said negative things about you on wrongplanet? Because it seems rather inane that they would treat you that way, since even your post here, does not make me think of a foul person.

Comparisions are like poison to us and when I find myself comparing myself with others, I have to push myself to stop, because of how awful it makes me feel.

 

[Tarliki]

I am the eldest of 5 of us and my second sister, is so different from me and when a child, I actually did admire her ability to make friends fast, but as we grew up, we were compared two a lot and I always came off the worst, because, she oozes confidence; is very talented and successful with her life, whereas I am not at a confident and found at talent rather late in life and to the world, I am far from successful.

When we were children, she won awards for gymnastics and her awards were put on the wall. I won awards for good behaviour and being kind to others and my awards ended up on the floor, torn and muded and that is how we were treated and it pained me, because of being the older one.

Lol, one time, we all went on a holiday and within 30 mins of arriving, she had tons of peers hanging around her and that was the last anyone saw of her. The last day of the holiday, I made a friend, but had no idea how to go forward, so, in fact, I missed out on many opportunites to make friends.

I guess, I could be called a whistle blower, because as a young adult, I went to the police and told of all the abuse and not a single sibling or parent or extention family, sided with me and in fact, I was shouted at on the street, for going against the parents. That sister, even defected on me and then, year's later, posted on her facebook how she cannot tolerate her mother anymore and even told about the abuse and she got a ton of support and told her brave she was! I wanted to smash the screen and punch her, quite frankly.

I stopped being envious of her some time ago, because we did video call once and she looked so rough and lol after she actually tried to undye her hair to my colour. (A bit of back history. We both were born with red hair, but at a young age, she bleached her hair blond and I have never touched my hair), so by her actually trying to turn her hair back to its original colour, told me that she was actually envious of me at that point and I admit, I rather enjoyed that.

I am terribly sorry for talking about myself here.

Is it at all possible that your brother said negative things about you on wrongplanet? Because it seems rather inane that they would treat you that way, since even your post here, does not make me think of a foul person.

Comparisions are like poison to us and when I find myself comparing myself with others, I have to push myself to stop, because of how awful it makes me feel.

I don't mind you telling me your experience, not at all. It helps me to empathize with you and have perspective that others go through similar things, only in your case much worse since your sister was actually mean to you while my brother for all of his harshness and aggression actually cares about me deeply.

I dont know if my brother ever brought up anything negative about me on wrongplanet tbh, but I dont think he would tbh.

When I was on wrongplanet before I got kicked off in less than a week people construed my depression and low self worth as me trying to feel sorry for myself when I was only opening up about bad mental health issues and seeking support. When I talked about horrible experiences being kicked off a support group one member accused me of sexism and being misogynist and had others gang up on me with that slander despite me being anything but sexist. An innocent debate on hypergamy and women based on research and scientific evidence got another member upset at me, and before I knew it I was hated, vilified and kicked off the forum and made a mockery of.

I will never ever forgive any of the members from that forum who treated me badly for what I went through. those same members were cool with my brother but treated me like garbage. I dont hate my brother, but why was my brother deserving of being respected yet I was hated?

 

[Kitsuna]

I can also relate.

My sister is an extroverted NT and popular. Basically the opposite of me. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to not compare myself but it’s hard when I go to some kind of function with her friends present and our differences are out in the open.

Also another vote for ignoring WP. So many good members have bailed out of that forum because it’s gone bad. You’re not the only person who’s been attacked like that.

 

[Markness]

I don't mind you telling me your experience, not at all. It helps me to empathize with you and have perspective that others go through similar things, only in your case much worse since your sister was actually mean to you while my brother for all of his harshness and aggression actually cares about me deeply.

I dont know if my brother ever brought up anything negative about me on wrongplanet tbh, but I dont think he would tbh.

When I was on wrongplanet before I got kicked off in less than a week people construed my depression and low self worth as me trying to feel sorry for myself when I was only opening up about bad mental health issues and seeking support. When I talked about horrible experiences being kicked off a support group one member accused me of sexism and being misogynist and had others gang up on me with that slander despite me being anything but sexist. An innocent debate on hypergamy and women based on research and scientific evidence got another member upset at me, and before I knew it I was hated, vilified and kicked off the forum and made a mockery of.

I will never ever forgive any of the members from that forum who treated me badly for what I went through. those same members were cool with my brother but treated me like garbage. I dont hate my brother, but why was my brother deserving of being respected yet I was hated?

They did that to me, too. Such rude and condescending people. Some people here did the same to me here but unlike Wrong Planet, those who made false accusations ceased with the mischaracterizations after I explained the situation.

The mob effect really ruins online communities. Those who engage in it take advantage of the fact they can be keyboard warriors. They are cowards and don’t let them celebrate by giving up what you want.

 

[Markness]

I can also relate.

My sister is an extroverted NT and popular. Basically the opposite of me. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to not compare myself but it’s hard when I go to some kind of function with her friends present and our differences are out in the open.

Also another vote for ignoring WP. So many good members have bailed out of that forum because it’s gone bad. You’re not the only person who’s been attacked like that.

I recognize your avatar from that place. We almost had a discussion going on before I got excommunicated. I believe it was about finding social services. Sadly, I have been denied those services because I am considered obsolete.

 

[Tarliki]

They did that to me, too. Such rude and condescending people. Some people here did the same to me here but unlike Wrong Planet, those who made false accusations ceased with the mischaracterizations after I explained the situation.

The mob effect really ruins online communities. Those who engage in it take advantage of the fact they can be keyboard warriors. They are cowards and don’t let them celebrate by giving up what you want.

Yes there are a lot of toxic bullies and jerks from wrongplanet. They act like an internet mob when they don't like someone and its horrible.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I went through a similar situation to yours growing up with my sister. The problem I had was she was extremely smart and got straight A’s while I struggled academically and it wasn’t until my senior year of high school did everyone find out that the problem wasn’t that I was lazy but rather had trouble comprehending things the way that they were being taught to me and that approaching lessons in a different way would be better for me. I kept thinking that I had to prove that I was just as good as my sister. The way I overcame this as I got older was I tried out different things that I knew my sister has never tired before and I discovered what I was good at and had no one to be compared with.

It took me some time to figure out that I couldn’t keep doing everything my sister did just to get noticed and for people to like me and recognize the things that I could do. I love my sister and I honestly wouldn’t want to switch places with her but following every little thing that she did to try to be just as good as her was actually harming me without realizing it. I will never be like my sister no matter how hard I try. She may have graduated top of her high school class and got a degree from Harvard and has a good job but that doesn’t mean I’m not successful in my own way. I overcame having difficultly learning things in school, suicidal thoughts, being abused by someone I trusted, and constantly being told that I would never be able to do anything meaningful because I have Asperger’s. I might be working with my dad and have a part time job doing dishes but I still feel happy and successful as I know my dad couldn’t run his business all by himself and I am helping take care of people who can’t care for themselves. I am a pretty good drag queen for someone completely self taught to the point that professional queens who have been doing drag for over a decade are impressed with how well I can put on makeup, move in heels, lip sync with great accuracy, and coordinate everything I am wearing in Drag including the jewelry and color combination. They can’t believe someone who hasn’t been doing drag that long can do so many things by themselves without anyone teaching them in such a short period of time. Just try to find what you are good at that also sets you apart from your brother and you’ll find people who will want to get to know you better and be friends from whatever you discover is your own natural talent.