I feel something similar. I hate being out in public because I feel a sense of eyes being on me, whether they are or not. For example, if I wanted to go for a walk, I'd either wait until after dark or I'd drive somewhere in the car and then walk - I don't like to just step out my front door and walk down the street because I feel constantly observed. Even if it's quiet and there are no people around, I feel uncomfortable walking past all the houses and windows, because I have no way of knowing if there are people inside, watching me walk past. For me it isn't a paranoia thing - I've felt it my whole life since I was a child and I don't really struggle with paranoia in any other way. I personally believe it's essentially the same thing as the stereotypical autistic discomfort with eye contact, just on bigger scale. I feel so uncomfortable, my whole body/skin feels almost like it's burning, and I constantly picture what I might look like to anyone watching me walk past, and imagine my every physical move being scrutinised. I hate it and it's quite disabling and restricting. It is easier to an extent when I have someone with me, or if I'm walking somewhere far from home where no one knows me, but it's still always there.
The flip side of it is that I've always gotten a huge kick out of feeling "hidden". For example, say I was standing outside a building somewhere smoking a cigarette, maybe around a corner or something where I can see people walking past but they don't notice me, that's almost a thrill. Like, it's not just a discomfort with being observed, I also get a great sense of joy from going unnoticed.
Anyway, I don't know if it's the same thing you're describing or not but I definitely sympathise. It sounds really difficult for you.
