Feeling overwhelmed and abandoned by recent diagnosis

[SnrDiggan]

Hi Everyone,

I am a 43 year old man who has just been diagnosed with high functioning Autism.

Following my diagnosis I have struggled to process the news. Don't get me wrong I was sure I had it but now it's official I seem to have more questions and anger than I did before. In the two weeks since diagnosis it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have laughed more than I have in ages but I have also had to call 999 because I felt suicidal (I'm fine now).

There is either very little support, or I cannot find it, for me between diagnosis and being taken on by my local ASD service.

I feel that I am still going alone through this and no-one is helping me through this incredibly hard time of transition and acceptance. My wife has described it as me going through the 5 stages of grief:

- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance

Can anyone help point me in the right direction or give me a good starting point. I'm not sure what I want, I guess I want someone to help me avoid taking the long route to understanding, accepting and working with my condition. I don't know the best people to turn to for advice and support.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Having been through this process. All I can say is this---"Are you actually a different person now, after the diagnosis, or are you still the same person but with a bit more knowledge about yourself?" Logically, nothing about you has changed. So, why the reaction? When I say this, it's not to discount your emotional response per se, but more to trigger your logic centers into taking over.

Furthermore, one's attitude makes a huge difference. Most young people have this sort of negative perception of what autism is, often with some preconceived idea that this is going to adversely affect their life, that they are going to be "less than", and they do this prior to even trying in life, they just shut down, get depressed, and want to wallow in their self-pity. Most older adults often have a different perspective, and is often that epiphany that their life was not that of a "failed neurotypical" life, but something different. When you begin to know yourself, that's some handy information that can be used. Often times, society and the workplace create situations that are uniform and consistent, equal, the same, but for whom? If you are on the autism spectrum, your brain is neurodivergent, that's been tested proof in multiple experiments. So, basically, the neurotypical world can be difficult to navigate as an autistic person until you know yourself and can take advantage of your neurodivergent brain. An extreme example might be someone like an Elon Musk, most people just don't understand him, they criticize everything he does and says, yet, he's building quite the future infrastructure from A.I., has brought the cost of rocketry down by nearly 90% (SpaceX), bringing internet to remote regions (StarLink), solving traffic congestion (The Boring Company), stopping grid failures and bridging the gaps between fossil fuel and renewable energy sources (Tesla Energy), to improving air quality in cities (Tesla Automotive), donated billions to combat world hunger, so on and so forth. I've got my money invested in "the autistic kid" because I have an understanding of what he is trying to accomplish over the long-term.

Now, obviously, most of the rest of us autistics do have talents and aptitudes that exceed that of most neurotypicals, in some form or fashion. Asymmetrical intelligences are a hallmark of the condition. The mental approach to this is that once we figure out what we do well, whatever that is, take advantage of it, use it. Do not wallow in a depression about things you suck at, that's the worst thing anyone can do. Either practice harder at the things you suck at, and or, direct your focus upon the things you do well and see if you can be successful at it. It sort of goes back to this mental philosophy of "What's the difference between a problem and an opportunity?" "Your attitude." A problem, an obstacle in life, is often something that cannot be solved with emotional responses, but often can with logical responses.

To be brutally honest, you need an "attitude adjustment", but that's on you. Turn on your logic centers, turn off your emotions, and figure this out. Forward thinking. It's a little difficult to drive a car forward whilst looking in the rear view mirror. The past is the past, it happened, no going back, so eyes forward.

 

[tree]

 

[tazz]

I was diagnosed 6 months ago at the age of 50. Also in the UK. So not too different from yourself.

I had been working with a psychologist for a while and we had sorta figured out that I was autistic while waiting for the assessment. But still, after the decision was confirmed by a specialist, it was still a bit of a shock and felt unsettling. It felt good that I could make sense of my feelings. But as well, I felt like my life could have been a lot easier if someone had noticed it a long time ago. So there was some anger too.

Anyway, 6 months on I've learnt a lot and come to accept it for what it is.

I was already working in a field that played to my strengths. But in environments that were not suitable. I'm investigating options for change now and hope to find a way to live that allows me to do the things I like without having to battle against the things that I find distressing at the same time.

Overall, it was good to get a diagnosis and the really confusing period did seem to pass fairly quickly.

With regard to post-diagnostic support, it's fairly limited in my area. There's a local NHS service that provides things like courses on understanding anxiety and understanding autism. These are group sessions, once per week. I haven't attended any yet. The first one starts in a couple of weeks so I'm going to give that a go.

That service has a psychiatrist who specialises in autism, but they are not available for appointments. Their job is to help other healthcare professionals - so for example my psychologist can speak with them to discuss my case, but I can't speak with them directly.

The service can also provide practical help, for example with job applications and applying for welfare benefits etc. But that all seems geared towards autistic people who have experienced difficulties with learning.

This forum has been a big help too - way more friendly and useful than any other forum I've tried.

 

[Wolfnox]

Pretty much it’s you're autistic officially. Good luck.

 

[Hannay247]

Hi Everyone,

I am a 43 year old man who has just been diagnosed with high functioning Autism.

Following my diagnosis I have struggled to process the news. Don't get me wrong I was sure I had it but now it's official I seem to have more questions and anger than I did before. In the two weeks since diagnosis it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have laughed more than I have in ages but I have also had to call 999 because I felt suicidal (I'm fine now).

There is either very little support, or I cannot find it, for me between diagnosis and being taken on by my local ASD service.

I feel that I am still going alone through this and no-one is helping me through this incredibly hard time of transition and acceptance. My wife has described it as me going through the 5 stages of grief:

- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance

Can anyone help point me in the right direction or give me a good starting point. I'm not sure what I want, I guess I want someone to help me avoid taking the long route to understanding, accepting and working with my condition. I don't know the best people to turn to for advice and support.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Hi there, I was diagnosed at age 56 and it’s been difficult and confusing. I have a therapist who also has ASD he’s very good, tells me his experiences of navigating the world as autistic. I also found the NDSA pathway programme which is helping a great deal, you can find them on the web . Hope this helps

 

[tazz]

NDSA pathway programme

Crumbs - I never heard of this but it looks really good at first glance.

https://ndsa.uk

 

[Rodafina]

Hello! You are welcome here, I hope we can be supportive to you and help increase your level of understanding. I don’t know that there is ever a short detour around the long road to understanding, but at least here, you can have lots of camaraderie as you travel down the road.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

Hi Everyone,

I am a 43 year old man who has just been diagnosed with high functioning Autism.

Following my diagnosis I have struggled to process the news. Don't get me wrong I was sure I had it but now it's official I seem to have more questions and anger than I did before. In the two weeks since diagnosis it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have laughed more than I have in ages but I have also had to call 999 because I felt suicidal (I'm fine now).

There is either very little support, or I cannot find it, for me between diagnosis and being taken on by my local ASD service.

I feel that I am still going alone through this and no-one is helping me through this incredibly hard time of transition and acceptance. My wife has described it as me going through the 5 stages of grief:

- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance

Can anyone help point me in the right direction or give me a good starting point. I'm not sure what I want, I guess I want someone to help me avoid taking the long route to understanding, accepting and working with my condition. I don't know the best people to turn to for advice and support.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear of all the feelings which have been weighing on you.

You're very apt in writing the five stages of grief; when I got my diagnosis, this was what I felt too. I've been in your shoes before, and my advice is that time will heal all the hurts which you're going through. That and more self-acceptance and knowledge...maybe I'm talking out of my elbows, but I had to do a lot of looking into the past and reconciling with myself for actions or thoughts or was of thinking.

And yes, I was angry at the world too because no one recognized what really has been going on for my whole life. Not even my parents (who I don't like to talk about).

Coming here to this forum is a great place to start--you'll find everyone here is helpful and welcoming.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome.

Can anyone help point me in the right direction or give me a good starting point. I'm not sure what I want, I guess I want someone to help me avoid taking the long route to understanding, accepting and working with my condition. I don't know the best people to turn to for advice and support.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

If we knew which country you are in, someone might be able to recommend accessible resources.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Hi Everyone,

I am a 43 year old man who has just been diagnosed with high functioning Autism.

Following my diagnosis I have struggled to process the news. Don't get me wrong I was sure I had it but now it's official I seem to have more questions and anger than I did before. In the two weeks since diagnosis it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have laughed more than I have in ages but I have also had to call 999 because I felt suicidal (I'm fine now).

There is either very little support, or I cannot find it, for me between diagnosis and being taken on by my local ASD service.

I feel that I am still going alone through this and no-one is helping me through this incredibly hard time of transition and acceptance. My wife has described it as me going through the 5 stages of grief:

- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance

Can anyone help point me in the right direction or give me a good starting point. I'm not sure what I want, I guess I want someone to help me avoid taking the long route to understanding, accepting and working with my condition. I don't know the best people to turn to for advice and support.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

I found out at 64, after already being retired. Long ago, I had accepted I was just weird and would never fit in. I had adapted enough to get by. Now, in retirement, I can look back at life through the Asperger's lens. The more I have studied the condition, the more my life history starts to make perfect sense.

It would have been nice to have had the knowlege back then, but maybe it's like Wiley Coyote in the Road Runner cartoons. He would run off a cliff and just hover in the air unsupported until he looked down and realized there was nothing holding him up. Only THEN did he fall. If I had known growing up that I had Asperger's syndrome, I might have let that knowledge limit me. Since I didn't know, I did what I had to do. When I wasn't "on" for other people, I used my alone time to unwind. I did a lot of wilderness camping throughout my life. My wife understood I needed that recharge time, and graciously allowed it.

As has already been said, we are the same persons we were before, just with more knowledge. That said, I also went trough anger, skepticism, regret at not knowing all along, etc. You have gotten to this point, and even without official support you have a lot of internet resources available, not to mention a number of books.

So give it time. Hang in there. You've gotten this far.

 

[tazz]

If I had known growing up that I had Asperger's syndrome, I might have let that knowledge limit me.

I ponder this a lot. Since being diagnosed I have noticed how much of society is configured for a certain way of living which is not compatible with the way I function. So if I'd known I had autism earlier in my life, I might have let society limit me instead of pushing through and achieving things regardless.

But I think if we're exploring "what if..." scenarios, I'd say ideally I would have known the diagnosis much earlier in my life AND society would be more accommodating of diversity. In our actual society, knowing the diagnosis earlier may have been limiting. In a more accommodating society, knowing earlier would have been a blessing.

When I wasn't "on" for other people, I used my alone time to unwind. I did a lot of wilderness camping throughout my life. My wife understood I needed that recharge time, and graciously allowed it.

I never had this. I think I've spent too much time being "on".

At least now I've been diagnosed I know I need recharge time. I still struggle though. My life doesn't have a lot of room for that. Hopefully it will soon - I'm making some changes. So in this regard, getting a diagnosis, albeit very late in life, has been useful.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome.

It sounds like maybe you weren't expecting / seeking a diagnosis?

The reason I ask is because unexpected things tend to be more difficult to process. Seeking supports (including visiting here) is a good start and I hope you can find the supports you need, whatever they may be.

 

[Nitro]