Feeling Very Alone in a Noisy world!

[garnetflower13]

First of all, both my husband and I are Aspie. In addition, I suffer from misophonia. Recently my husband and I purchased a home in what was supposed to be a rural area. There was some vacant land across the street, which we were told would be made into a nature park. We moved into our house, and then the park was developed. It turned out to be more than a nature park; in fact, it has equipment for children to play on and grills and picnic pavilions. We were a little leery of that, because the park although small ( it only spans about two city blocks) began to attract noise. People began to come there to celebrate birthday parties, sometimes with loud music. Sometimes people would sit at the curb in their vehicles and play loud music. Then some kind of religious camp came there for four days. We were rudely awakened every single morning with someone shouting in a bullhorn and playing loud bassy music. We called the church and asked them to please not make so much noise since some people were still sleeping at the hour they chose to show up. The final straw came when they decided to start showing movies in the park at night. We thought perhaps it wouldn't be too loud, so we started our supper preparations. The noise started up around 7 pm, and I swear, it sounded like a rock concert! I melted down horribly, and my husband urged me to leave with him. We ended up driving out into the night, leaving our supper uneaten. We ended up buying some take out and sitting in the car to eat, waiting until we thought the movie was over. As far as we know, they have more nights like this planned. Where on earth do we find justice in this? We don't think it would be effective to complain; we are sure to be viewed as a couple of Grinches who resent others having fun. What these people don't understand is that this is our home, which they have been given the right to invade with horrible loud noise just when we want to sit quietly in our own house and eat supper and listen to soft music. I am drained from my meltdown, but thought I would ask for support from this site. I feel so helpless, in the face of this!:unhappy:

 

[Ereth]

Don't worry. You've come to the right place.

I can't say I'm as sensitive to noise as you and your husband are, but there are plenty of other people here who can probably relate. I do get upset by noise sometimes, but usually it's the din in my own head that sets me off.

Have you considered filing a complaint? I think if you describe everything you've mentioned here (four days' worth of shouting in a bullhorn and loud music and movies? I think that is enough to warrant an official complaint), you'll have some measure of success, especially since the church group didn't seem to listen to a polite request.

Best wishes, and welcome!

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

Don't worry. You've come to the right place.

I can't say I'm as sensitive to noise as you and your husband are, but there are plenty of other people here who can probably relate. I do get upset by noise sometimes, but usually it's the din in my own head that sets me off.

Have you considered filing a complaint? I think if you describe everything you've mentioned here (four days' worth of shouting in a bullhorn and loud music and movies? I think that is enough to warrant an official complaint), you'll have some measure of success, especially since the church group didn't seem to listen to a polite request.

Best wishes, and welcome!

I;d have to agree with Ereth; filing a complaint might be the best, or only, way to stop this from happening again, since what you've described would annoy anyone, aspie or nt.

Best of luck.

 

[garnetflower13]

Don't worry. You've come to the right place.

I can't say I'm as sensitive to noise as you and your husband are, but there are plenty of other people here who can probably relate. I do get upset by noise sometimes, but usually it's the din in my own head that sets me off.

Have you considered filing a complaint? I think if you describe everything you've mentioned here (four days' worth of shouting in a bullhorn and loud music and movies? I think that is enough to warrant an official complaint), you'll have some measure of success, especially since the church group didn't seem to listen to a polite request.

Best wishes, and welcome!

Thank you for the reply! We don't think it would do any good to complain, because this is a small town where people all know each other, and we are the outsiders. It would not be readily understood by people as to why we are complaining about a family movie night in a park. They just don't seem to grasp how inconsiderate it is to play loud movies in a small residential park where people are just trying to live their lives. The department of parks and recreation sponsored this, and we would be just a tiny minority complaining about it. We are thinking of selling this house and looking for another that is more rural so that there wouldn't be the likelihood of it becoming a popular area. I don't mind the sound of children playing in the park, and even the sounds of skateboards clacking on the paths is only a mild irritant. But steady, loud booming sounds can be so horrible. Especially when you know it is going to continue for hours.

 

[Ereth]

While I understand your reluctance to complain, letting fear of judgment dictate your actions isn't going to change anything. Why should you have to move just because people can't tone down the noise even just a little? I'm sure the department of parks and recreation is aware that disturbing the peace is a crime. You can't be the only ones who have been thus disturbed. I'm willing to bet other people are afraid of being grist for the gossip mill, too.

 

[garnetflower13]

Well, here's an update. There is obviously some church behind the movie nights, and now they are planning to host another event. They put flyers on people's doors, warning that it is going to be very loud again starting early on a Sunday morning. We are not sure what our rights our since it is a church. Usually churches gain a lot of sympathy from people; especially when they promise free food. I have been reading about other cities in the USA who have complained about loud church events and how little to nothing was done. I am feeling really depressed about this.:unhappy:

 

[Ereth]

I still say they must be disturbing the peace, which is a valid complaint. Maybe you can round up some neighbors who have been similarly irritated and go to the police together.

 

[Judge]

I'm just wondering if this is getting worse or if I think more often now of such things in terms of discovering I have AS.

I.e. those low frequency sounds...almost always a pounding subwoofer from a neighbor through my walls or someone driving by in a car.

They seem to bother me more than anything these days...enough to place thick ceramic tiles under my own sound system's subwoofer and place raised plastic grommets underneath to limit and disperse the resonance created from transferring directly to the floors and walls and to other apartment units. I don't normally crank up my sound at all....too hard on my own ears. But these new subwoofers....OMG can they create thump....even when you don't want it. Of course I can always switch to "night mode" which basically neutralizes my subwoofer altogether. But I still like some bass....just not so much to recreate an earthquake.

 

[garnetflower13]

I'm just wondering if this is getting worse or if I think more often now of such things in terms of discovering I have AS.

I.e. those low frequency sounds...almost always a pounding subwoofer from a neighbor through my walls or someone driving by in a car.

They seem to bother me more than anything these days...enough to place thick ceramic tiles under my own sound system's subwoofer and place raised plastic grommets underneath to limit and disperse the resonance created from transferring directly to the floors and walls and to other apartment units. I don't normally crank up my sound at all....too hard on my own ears. But these new subwoofers....OMG can they create thump....even when you don't want it. Of course I can always switch to "night mode" which basically neutralizes my subwoofer altogether. But I still like some bass....just not so much to recreate an earthquake.

I wondered that too; whether I was more aware of my noise sensitivity since I was diagnosed, but when think of it, as a child, I was the one hiding under the bed with the dog on the 4th of July. I hated that holiday for a long, long time because of the fireworks. But at least sub woofers hadn't been invented. Now I know what my idea of hell is.

 

[garnetflower13]

Here is another update. I provide this because I appreciate the support offered thus far! My husband asked around, and found out to whom we needed to speak about the impending noisy event. We went there today, and the guy we spoke with said that they had been under the assumption that the event was just a food related one, and that they hadn't been told about the sound equipment. We explained how we'd had to leave our home for about two hours until their noisy movie night had ended. The guy made a photocopy of the flier, and promised to speak to someone at the church about the county noise ordinance. He also urged us to call the police if the noise still happened, and to also attend the next city hall meeting in our town. We are both somewhat reluctant to attend the meeting but will do so because it is an outrage that we have to suffer this way. As a contingency plan, we may decide to spend the night in a hotel so that I can get some decent sleep and not be awakened by the noise. I'll let you all know how this turns out.

 

[Judge]

Here is another update. I provide this because I appreciate the support offered thus far! My husband asked around, and found out to whom we needed to speak about the impending noisy event. We went there today, and the guy we spoke with said that they had been under the assumption that the event was just a food related one, and that they hadn't been told about the sound equipment. We explained how we'd had to leave our home for about two hours until their noisy movie night had ended. The guy made a photocopy of the flier, and promised to speak to someone at the church about the county noise ordinance. He also urged us to call the police if the noise still happened, and to also attend the next city hall meeting in our town. We are both somewhat reluctant to attend the meeting but will do so because it is an outrage that we have to suffer this way. As a contingency plan, we may decide to spend the night in a hotel so that I can get some decent sleep and not be awakened by the noise. I'll let you all know how this turns out.

Hope it all works out for you. My neighbors are really trying my level of tolerance. I try to be mindful of others yet sometimes I think I'm the only one in the building that cares about such things.

 

[garnetflower13]

Hope it all works out for you. My neighbors are really trying my level of tolerance. I try to be mindful of others yet sometimes I think I'm the only one in the building that cares about such things.

I am sorry that you are going through that. Why does it seem that when a person is quiet and thoughtful, that they end up surrounded by noisy inconsiderate people? :unhappy:

 

[Judge]

I am sorry that you are going through that. Why does it seem that when a person is quiet and thoughtful, that they end up surrounded by noisy inconsiderate people? :unhappy:

I have to admit, since discovering being on the spectrum I can't help but second-guess my own sensitivity and tolerance to such things. But you're right. Why can't people have a universal consideration of living in close quarters whether they are sensitive to sound or not?

 

[garnetflower13]

Today we met with the city manager. He said that if the church planned another event, that the city would arrange for someone to bring equipment that measures decibel levels. If the city finds that the church noise exceeds the acceptable established decibel levels, that the church will prohibited from making this kind of noise again. At least he listened to us; we were afraid that he wouldn't, since we don't know him. We hope that we can get this problem addressed once and for all.

 

[joshodude1308]

I suggest filing a complaint, they would have to at least compromise if it is affecting you mentally and/or physically. In a worse case scenario you might have to tolerate it or move out. However, in conclusion, I suggest to file a complaint.

 

[garnetflower13]

Thank you, joshodude. There haven't been any noisy events lately, since the weather is too cold for public park events. But we do plan to simply call the police on them if it happens again.

 

[joshodude1308]

I know what it'a like. My sisters are constantly causing havoc and when I tell them to be quiet, I always get the blame.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Garnetflower, you are not alone. There are churches that like to push the limits when it comes to noise. A few years back there was a Pentecostal church in a neighboring town that was disrupting the peace of the surrounding neighborhood, not just on Sundays but on other days too.

I would continue working with local government. Be prepared, though. Some of these "Christians" don't like the idea of anyone telling them to tone it down, and they just might start hollering persecution and harassment, even though it's very clear who is the aggressor. They seem to think they have special rights.

Another suggestion might be to see if other people in your area are annoyed with the situation (you are probably not the only ones) and maybe go to the news media and have them do a story. That's how I heard about the Pentecostal church. Not quite sure how that one ended--I think they (the church) ended up moving.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Also, since it is a public park, the local government is under no obligation to let the church use it. We have a village park and the procedure is that in order for a church group to use it, they have to get permission from the village council. Which is generally given as there has been--so far--no abuses of the privilege, because the people who go to these churches understand that they have a responsibility to be good neighbors and citizens. Moreover, they are long-established members of the community. It doesn't sound like this is the case with this church and it wasn't with the Pentecostal church I described--it was located in a neighborhood but the people who went there did not live in that neighborhood so they had no real stake in keeping it a decent place to live.

We have a situation here where the Catholic church has decided to ring the Angelus bell three times a day, seven days a week, starting at 6 in the morning, 12 noon, and 6 at night, in addition to ringing a bell to announce Saturday and Sunday masses. Each Angelus ring consists of at least 19 "bongs"--there's a specific pattern--and while it isn't too bad in the winter with the windows closed, or at noon or evening, 6 o'clock in the morning on a summer weekend gets real old real quick. But that at least you can put earplugs in.

I know all about those low booming basses; there is absolutely nothing you can do to block them out. A fan only amplifies the sound. This is not my imagination--it has something to do with physics and resonance. I can only imagine what it must be doing to wildlife--especially hawks and owls--which have far more sensitive hearing than we humans. I am very surprised that the environmentalists have not spoken up against this form of noise pollution.

 

[garnetflower13]

Another thing, is that when we met with the city manager he admitted that he hadn't been too keen on the idea of the park being put in that particular location. It was a really stupid idea because they are smack in the middle of a residential area. Quiet family gatherings are one thing, but concert level noise is quite another. We have also consulted with an attorney and if it happens again and is not addressed in a fair and timely fashion, we can sue the county for not upholding the noise ordinance.