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feeling very strongly so quickly?

P

Phryia

Well-Known Member
Does this happen to anyone else? I've had a couple of partners and in my experience I guess I always 'fall hard' for the people I've been in relationships with. I find myself getting pretty attached and I expect them to be the same way but most are not :s.

I'm kind of looking for some advice as to how to deal with this as now I'm avoiding relationships to avoid getting hurt if I end up getting emotionally attached and I just feel pretty bad in general that I am this way. So yeah does anyone else have similar issues and can anyone help me with dealing with this. Thanks.
 
Phryia said:
Does this happen to anyone else? I've had a couple of partners and in my experience I guess I always 'fall hard' for the people I've been in relationships with. I find myself getting pretty attached and I expect them to be the same way but most are not :s.

I'm kind of looking for some advice as to how to deal with this as now I'm avoiding relationships to avoid getting hurt if I end up getting emotionally attached and I just feel pretty bad in general that I am this way. So yeah does anyone else have similar issues and can anyone help me with dealing with this. Thanks.
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I've had more than a couple, and I can tell you from experience, there's not much to do but ride the wave and hope it doesn't come crashing down too hard over your head.

/bitterrant
 
Happens to me a lot and always has.

To protect myself against it, I'm just not going near relationships. Now I know that nothing will ever come of it, I'm less threatened by feeling like I'm falling for someone.
 
I get the exact same way. For me, it's either all or nothing. I either put 100% of my love towards the relationship or I don't bother at all (and thus don't get into relationships in the first place). I don't have any good advice for you right now, as I'm in a relationship like this currently where I'm putting in 100% and feel very vulnerable as all it takes is her rejecting me a few times, and I'll come down crashing--hard. It's sometimes fun while it lasts, other times it's not fun as the anxiety sometimes gets to me. I wonder if this is an Asperger's thing relating to our obsessions. It seems I've turned the relationship into an obsession/interest, and it consumes my entire world. I don't view it as a bad thing, as the best things in my life have come from my obsessions, but I sometimes wonder if my girlfriend feels the same way towards me.

Love is a wonderful thing. Perhaps in moderation it's even better. I don't do moderation though. :)
 
I'v had more than my shore of relationships. I usually (ok always) let the other person lead. Not saying this is good or healthy but it is my habbit. I never say "i love u" first...... never bring up "the talk" first.... u know the one that defines the relationship such as "so where do u see this going?', or "would u consider us to be in a relationship"...... In the beginning the other peerson will say something like... "I'v really enjoyed the time weve spent together",,, or "I could really get used to this".... something like that which let's me know the direction they are headed. If that stuff dosn't come I'm outa there pretty quick. And if it dosn come along and turn into something serious thers never gonna be a guarantee or a way to be sure not to get hurt..... you just have to go with it and take your chances and look at it this way..... if I get hurt it wont be the worst think I'v ever made it threw.
 
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I've never had a relationship or even got close to having one but I've developed strong "feelings" for various celebrities (always whoever stars in whatever happens to be my newest favourite tv show) to the point that I can't even eat or sleep. I still don't know how to stop it from happening or get rid of it, I just have to wait until it fades. Freaks me out because it seems stalker-ish.
 
Sylar said:
I've never had a relationship or even got close to having one but I've developed strong "feelings" for various celebrities (always whoever stars in whatever happens to be my newest favourite tv show) to the point that I can't even eat or sleep. I still don't know how to stop it from happening or get rid of it, I just have to wait until it fades. Freaks me out because it seems stalker-ish.
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I'm so glad I'm not the only one that does this.
 
I'm a bit of a 'case' when it comes to this. What happens is that I'm emotionally dense & kind of clueless. The other person has to kind of 'turn' us into a relationship using whatever baffling strategies people employ to achieve this. I bungled & stumbled into this marriage &, in retrospect, I have little insight into how it happened, what I did or didn't do & how I wound up where I am. It is a bit like someone who was drugged, meandered in & out of consciousness & has a fuzzy memory of the interval between their last truly lucid moment & the current time. I don't remember being out on a single date with my now husband. What did we do together? Beats me!
 
Wow Soup that's kind of amazeing. Yet in a way it's sounds familliar to me. I really wonder how that happens. The question is are you happy with the situation you have found yourself to be in? Cuz i did sorta feel like I 'work up' and found myself married in the past and wasn't happy about it at all! When it happened I didn really tell anybody about my 'wakeing up ' feeling ciz it just sounded too crazy to me.
 
Yep. Overall, we got lucky & it worked out well. He's an Aspie too & we have compatible quirks. I need a lot of time alone & one of his obsessions is his work. It's rare he becomes chatty & blabbering racks my nerves. Hr doesn't like to watch all those sports shows & I can't stand the sound of most sports announcers. Every now & then I have that awakening moment when I'll look over at him (eyes like dinner plates Aspie stare) & say to myself, "HOLY $#!T! This guy is my husband & we're married!!!" Then, just as quickly, I lapse back into my habitual state.
 
I remember seeing another thread somewhere about aspie love ... when someone is nice to you you think that means they want more than a casual hello. Maybe that could explain it. What someone thinks of as a bit of fun you cling to desperately because of that fear of being alone.

just my thoughts.

I remember exactly how I got into my marriage as these are important things to my ritualistic brain. Important moments in time. Other than that I really can't tell you much bout the relationship over the last three and a half years other than I can't imagine living without my husband ever again.
 
I tend to think my feelings are stronger then they are. I spent a year and a half in a relationship with someone I honestly thought loved, but when it all ended I came to the realization that what it was was the desire to love someone and be loved, and that I actually had very little emotion for her. I tend to have very little emotional attachment to people, and have an abnormally easy time letting go. I can meet someone, have a whirlwind of passion for a period of time, think I feel all these things, and when its all over... nothing. Or I realize I've fabricated all those thoughts and put on a facade of emotion that never existed as anything more then my brain saying "okay, this is what you should say, this is what you should do, blah blah blah".
 
Phryia, you're definitely not alone. When I date someone, I calculate all the compatibilities very quickly, and if they meet most of them then I feel very emotionally attached. I think many of us tend to be hopeless romantics. What I had to train myself to keep in mind is, most people DON'T get attached so quickly. I find that constantly reminding myself of that helps to some extent. The woman I'm dating now, for instance, is a very reserved person. She internalizes a lot of things, and slowly they come out. I know that she likes me, but she's not as up front about things as I am, so I realize I have to give it time. For me to stay calm about it, I have to constantly remember the positive things that let me know that it's moving in the right direction, such as being close in the movie theater, great engaging conversations, and goodbye kisses, as cheesy as it sounds. If I push too hard, I'll lose her, and since I don't want that to happen I try to keep myself in check mentally. Hope that helps somewhat. I don't think avoiding dating is the answer. We have to realize how our minds react and find workarounds for those reactions! :)
 
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