Hello,
I am a 37 year old female and have suspected for many years that I am on the spectrum. I began researching the subject in earnest in 2012, during an especially difficult phase in my work and home life. Case studies and presentation information on adult females were not exactly abundant, but the more I read and as the research expanded over the years, the more the pieces seemed to come together.
I was diagnosed with ADD at 6 years old (in 1987, when our comprehension of such things was in its infancy), but it has never seemed to be an adequate descriptor for the way I process and view my world.
I have read (obsessively at times) everything I could find on presentation of symptoms in high functioning autistic females. So much of it resonates with my experiences; especially personal accounts of autistic women discussing the details of their lives and personalities, from childhood to present.
I am now actively seeking a formal diagnosis and am absolutely terrified. I fear being dismissed, or told that I am wrong or that I am reaching for something to be wrong with me, but an informal, self-diagnosis is not enough. I have a need to know, to correctly classify and accurately label that which makes me feel so different, so continually misunderstood; to see and be at peace with why, despite my intelligence, I struggle the way I do, to maintain employment, understand social structures and interactions and navigate the world outside (my door, my head, my inner circle), and why I completely (and involuntarily) melt down, shut down, internalize and retreat into the solace of my private universe whenever I get overwhelmed.
I have researched and read about the classifications of numerous learning, personality and anxiety disorders and I cannot seem to disconnect from the idea that this must be it, the only explanation that makes any sense to me (in a world that has never made sense to begin with).
I'm not sure why I'm posting this or what it is that I'm looking for here. Understanding perhaps, for myself and from others. Courage, to keep my words about me when I have to speak about this in person to a clinical professional (the concept of which is kind of funny, I guess, since the inability to do so would be a kind of hallmark of the condition). Faith in myself, that I have made the right decision and selected an appropriate clinical psychologist with whom I now must have a rather intimate series of discussions about who I am, the things I've been through and how I see the world around me.
Anyway, this is me, hollering into the void.
Thanks for listening.
I am a 37 year old female and have suspected for many years that I am on the spectrum. I began researching the subject in earnest in 2012, during an especially difficult phase in my work and home life. Case studies and presentation information on adult females were not exactly abundant, but the more I read and as the research expanded over the years, the more the pieces seemed to come together.
I was diagnosed with ADD at 6 years old (in 1987, when our comprehension of such things was in its infancy), but it has never seemed to be an adequate descriptor for the way I process and view my world.
I have read (obsessively at times) everything I could find on presentation of symptoms in high functioning autistic females. So much of it resonates with my experiences; especially personal accounts of autistic women discussing the details of their lives and personalities, from childhood to present.
I am now actively seeking a formal diagnosis and am absolutely terrified. I fear being dismissed, or told that I am wrong or that I am reaching for something to be wrong with me, but an informal, self-diagnosis is not enough. I have a need to know, to correctly classify and accurately label that which makes me feel so different, so continually misunderstood; to see and be at peace with why, despite my intelligence, I struggle the way I do, to maintain employment, understand social structures and interactions and navigate the world outside (my door, my head, my inner circle), and why I completely (and involuntarily) melt down, shut down, internalize and retreat into the solace of my private universe whenever I get overwhelmed.
I have researched and read about the classifications of numerous learning, personality and anxiety disorders and I cannot seem to disconnect from the idea that this must be it, the only explanation that makes any sense to me (in a world that has never made sense to begin with).
I'm not sure why I'm posting this or what it is that I'm looking for here. Understanding perhaps, for myself and from others. Courage, to keep my words about me when I have to speak about this in person to a clinical professional (the concept of which is kind of funny, I guess, since the inability to do so would be a kind of hallmark of the condition). Faith in myself, that I have made the right decision and selected an appropriate clinical psychologist with whom I now must have a rather intimate series of discussions about who I am, the things I've been through and how I see the world around me.
Anyway, this is me, hollering into the void.
Thanks for listening.
