Finding Friendship

[DTFrontMan]

First off I feel a bit strange going about things this way, but I'm a bit confused as to what other routes I can take. Things have just been too quiet for me lately. I posted a thread here a while back looking for a place to fit in and explained a bit about why I came here. I'll put it here as reference, not that I expect people to read through it...

http://www.aspiescentral.com/asperg...8-search-my-place-looking-into-aspergers.html

These last couple of months have been rough with the way things are changing, which I feel a little guilty saying because I know there's many who have it worse than me. I've just felt my social life slipping and I'm unsure what to do about it, or if I'm even able to do anything with the way things are. I mention in the above thread that I'm self employed and I love my job, I'm lucky to have fallen into something that I enjoy which also provides for me. Being self employed I work from home though, I don't get out socialize in a work place like most people with jobs. With my job being something I enjoy and on my own hours I have a hard time pulling myself away from it, I'm regularly working 18 hour days starting when I wake up and ending when I fall asleep. There's a community of people who do the same thing as I through the same company but I don't seem to get along well with them because of the position I hold there, my opinions have come to be seen as bias because I have an extra job title given by that company. So I've ended up in this awkward middle ground between what you could call "workers" and "management" without having a spot in either group.

I have two close friends which are the only people I really converse with, one actually is from work and I've known him longer than anyone else there (I knew him around a forum like this a little while before either of us had the job). The other is a friend I made on OkCupid almost two years ago now while trying online dating (which I ended up feeling very strongly against), she has a boyfriend I'm acquainted with but we don't talk. As for family there's my brother and his wife (plus their baby) along with my mom around with her boyfriend, I have another brother but he's rather distant. Right now I see them each about once a month aside from my oldest brother which is usually just holiday stuff.

I've been living alone in an apartment but my lease is up on the 30th of this month and I'm in the process of buying a house, it should be a happy time for me but I've been growing increasingly concerned with the situation. The house is quite a distance away from here and it's right on the limit of what I feel I can afford. It's going to be much harder for me to see the family and friends that I have, and I'm going to feel much more obligation to wall myself up and put in those 18 hour days for income. Over the last few years I've been losing other friends, finding myself in conflict with co-workers and falling out of touch with people from school. Lately I've been afraid of secluding myself more than I already am and I really see things going down that road.

So I'm trying to be proactive about it and form some new friendships. Mostly I just hope to find people to talk to so I don't feel alone out there. My current friends have come from online as did my best friends before them, I'm most comfortable communicating through text so I guess that comes hand in hand. Looking through these forums now and in the past I've noticed a lot of interesting people and I'm hoping I can get to know some of you better. I'm very good at listening and helping people with their troubles so if anyone needs an ear or opinion I'll be here.

 

[Ereth]

Hello, DT! What a lovely post (I like your old thread, too)!

Please don't feel guilty about sharing your troubles; it's okay to vent. About your family and friends . . . perhaps you could get together with them every few weeks or something like that. I hope you're able to.

You sound like a thoughtful person. You'll fit right in here.

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

Well hello there; it's nice to meet you as well.

Interesting post, I have to say. And I'm sure that you'll fit in here.

 

[Peace]

It does not sound like you really want this house, and I did not hear any reason that you should be happy about it, but several that you should not.

 

[Peace]

PS. Sorry and Welcome. Your situation sounds like a big learning curve I went through during the whole middle of my life.
Hope you find the things you are looking for here my friend.
Good Luck

 

[DTFrontMan]

Thank you all for the replies! Sorry for delay, I kind of expected to receive notice of posts here like other forums I'm part of but coming on here to jump into some other discussions I saw them lol. I do enjoy taking part in conversations but I sometimes have trouble figuring out how to start them myself.

It does not sound like you really want this house, and I did not hear any reason that you should be happy about it, but several that you should not.

This is a good point and it's a bit complicated honestly. Two months ago I had no thoughts of buying a house at all but I got notice from management here at the apartment reminding me that my lease was about to be up (it's up on the 30th of this month so 14 days from now), they also outlined new pricing for renewing my lease over different time frames. Doing another 14 month lease my payment would go up $40 a month which isn't bad but I honestly haven't liked apartment living at all, this is my first time living in one and I have social anxieties that don't fit well with so many close neighbors (I worry about being too loud, running into new people every time I walk my dogs and having to deal with people in my parking spot etc). Were I to do a month to month lease my rent would go up about $250 a month which is just too much. I also realized I'd been paying a lot of rent to something I'm just borrowing, when I started looking for a place I decided I wanted a house because my money would be going to something I'd own and be able to sell or rent out at some point. To find anywhere in my price range that wasn't in a horrible neighborhood I had to go the distance and pick the high desert, the place I found was essentially the best deal that wasn't out in the middle of no where comparative speaking (it's far from here but close to shopping and stuff).

So the house certainly isn't ideal and not really something I want to do right now. I do want it though and I'm excited deep down, there's just a lot of stress and anxiety coming about. Something I'm sure comes from buying a house for lots of people, with the added pressure of needing to find one in a short time frame. I'll be happy to have a yard for my dogs and a place to relax outside, fixing things up and making it mine will be nice since I've not really been able to here (can't paint or change the carpet, can't put nails in for photos or properly wire things up for my office). I'm also looking forward into the investment side of things doing stuff to raise the value, and the privacy compared to here will make me more comfortable. It's really just an issue of having people to be around up there, I'm going to need friends to hang out with and I can't always expect those down here to make the drive so I'll need to make new friends which isn't easy for me.

 

[MoCoffee]

Hello DTFrontman! I can really sympathize with your predicament. I too bought a house that wasn't what I would have purchased if I'd had more time. It is wonderful that you'll be able to fix it the way you want it. I tried to do that with my house and ended up with 20 stitches in my forehead among other less serious injuries. lol.

Is your house in a suburban area or quite a long way from your neighbours? I used to see and get to know my neighbours when I was out doing yard work or walking the dog. You will likely meet new friends this way as well. I wish you all the best.

 

[DTFrontMan]

Hi McCoffee! Thank you for the comment

I'm sure that I will end up with a smashed thumb or stubbed toe fixing the place up lol, major things I don't think I'll be doing myself though. At this point I'm mostly interested in taking care of the lawn, my dad had a green thumb which I guess I got from him. The thought of getting some vegetables going is nice.

The neighborhood is part of the reason I ended up picking this place, the houses are all on acre lots as far as I know (mine is but I'm not sure the exact size of the others). I'm going to be further away from my neighbors than I've ever been but closer than 90% of the other places in the high desert. I've lived in southern California my whole life so I'm used to houses being 5-6 feet apart with little privacy.

Over the years I've come to find that I function better when I'm able to make my own choices without pressure, I'm 27 now and I only started driving at 26 because of fears I could only get over on my own terms while people pushing me to do so made things worse. I can actually be pretty sociable on my own terms, here at the apartments I don't really have that option because there's people right outside my door half the time. Extra space at the house I think will be good for me in that regard, and it's close enough to diners and stores that I'll be able to go somewhere with people when I want.

 

[DTFrontMan]

Hmmm, it seems a bit strange that I just received my first notification about a response to this thread lol. Are the emails that delayed for everyone? I actually haven't received anything about the first couple of replies still, just the one from MoCoffee (sorry for previously misspelling your name btw!).