Finding Your Own Happiness

[The Penguin]

Each person seeking different type of happiness for their lives. One very common thing is many people would like to have that special someone in their lives. This is not an easy tasks. Even for myself I'm wishing for the same. However, life should not be mainly based on this. A person should find happiness for their own self before seeking happiness with someone else.

I use to focus my life wanting to find someone to add happiness in my life. However, I haven't had much success for this. For many years I haven't found anyone that interested.

Some people might prevent happiness for their lives by caring what other people think of the type of interest they have that is outside the norm. Me for example, I have an interest of collecting dolls being male and 35 years old. A lot of society makes a fuss of this type of thing including people that know me part or most of my life. Between this and many other type of interest society is not understanding, I have decided not to care anymore. I find making these changes made me a lot more happier about myself.

If you have many issues with your own life that you need to resolve, then I would put more energy working on this than expecting someone to fulfill the happiness for you. If you manage to resolve many of these issues first, you will be more happier. From there, it would be easier to find someone that might have interest in you. For myself, it was ensuring I have a stable income and to stay out of poverty.

One good advice I can share if you really putting a lot of energy wanting someone in your life to add happiness, don't rush living with that person. Wait a few years before taking this step. I had someone living with me within the first few weeks. Some months later, this person was driving me crazy and it was hard for me to make the person to leave my house. Having personal space is very important. The last thing you want is rushing having someone living with you, things are not working out, endless fighting, and you being less happier than when the relationship started. And because both parties are under the same roof, it harder to find that personal space.

2017 is the years I been the most happiest for myself. This is because I made a lot of changes for my life focusing on making me happy. Should I find someone in my life to make me happier in life will be an added bonus. However, I glad I'm not basing my life on that special person.

 

[JamesBon92007]

Each person seeking different type of happiness for their lives. One very common thing is many people would like to have that special someone in their lives. This is not an easy tasks. Even for myself I'm wishing for the same. However, life should not be mainly based on this. A person should find happiness for their own self before seeking happiness with someone else.
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The way I look at it: By myself I am happy. With someone to love I am fulfilled.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I am an INTJ, and I am the most independent person I know and am happiest when I am alone. I have trouble with interpersonal relationships. I remember that the Wiki page on INTJs says that relationships are their "Achilles heel." That is so true of me.
However, even with that said, loving someone would make me happy as well, albeit in a different way.

 

[ksheehan88]

I'm a people pleaser. I like to make others happy, and when I achieve that I feel incredible, but that high doesn't last. When I fail to achieve it, it leaves me feeling totally empty. I believe I have some serious issues with sifting through and regulating thoughts and emotions and it means that most of the time I feel numb.

 

[Vanessa32]

this is something i have struggled with ever since my teenage years, when i first became interested in dating, romance. sex, and all that. I had very little positive outcomes in that area until i was almost 30. Then, i let my desperation lead me into a marriage that lasted way too long and was never really all that good. About halfway through that 20 year relationship, i was finally able to come out as a transgender woman. My ex could not deal with it, and that was the issue that added to all the other issues in our relationship and pushed me to finally end it with her. Since then, i have had several people show romantic and/or sexual interest in me, but for various reasons none of those situations worked out as far as the romance or sexual connection. My past painful experience has left me struggling to feel like i am lovable and attractive in a romantic or sexual way, and has made it difficult for me to avoid focusing too much on those kind of relationships. I basically have come to see it as a "past/present/future" thing. The script i sometimes fall into going by is: being haunted by my past lack of good outcomes in romantic and sexual relationships, which all too easily leads to being both unsatisfied and disappointed with my current lack of such a relationship (or more than one such relationship. as i am open to polyamory) and fear/pessimism regarding my future romantic and sexual prospects. I am working on flipping that script: No longer being haunted by my past experiences (and lack of experience) with romance and sex. so that i can both feel better about my current situation, and optimistic about my future possibilities.

It is so difficult. Our society/culture puts such an emphasis on romantic and sexual relationships. This is reflected in such things as the phrase "just friends," which pretty much says or at least strongly implies that non-romantic and non-sexual friendships are inferior to romantic and sexual relationships. Even the word "relationship" itself often seems to be limited to romantic and sexual connections. When, in fact (IMO anyway) all human connections are relationships.

A concept that i learned of that has been very helpful is relationship anarchy, which aims to break down the hierarchy of relationships that places romantic and sexual relationships above all other kinds of interpersonal connection. I already do have a lot of wonderful non-romantic/non-sexual relationships. and so the more i can see those as just as good, valid, and meaningful as romantic and sexual connections, the less i feel like i need to be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship.

Being autistic definitely does not help when it comes to any kind of relationships, and at least in my experience romantic and sexual relationships are especially challenging. Even just getting a casual one on one date is not easy for me, let alone navigating all the other steps. Fear of being rejected often makes it hard for me to even try with people i am interested in.

Another factor for me is that i only recently have been able to live full time as my true gender identity. So i know that it may get easier to form romantic and sexual connections once i have been living full time as my true self a bit longer, and therefore have had more time to make the more casual friendship connections that i know are often the best pathway to possible romantic and sexual connections.

I feel like this is getting kind of long, so i will stop for now. I am interested to get feedback on what i have posted.

 

[fairy_girl]

I have no interest in making others happy, it's emotionally draining and I honestly feel like it's a chore sometimes when I don't get it back most of the time. As an asexual and autistic, I never really understood the need for sex or dating. To me there are already enough people in this world and why would I want to be saddled with having to go through the emotional pain of an abortion for years. I live solely to make myself happy and to enjoy my life.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

im very rarely happy but i put it down to my natural melancholic and sombre nature (i see the worst in everything).

id say i survive on my own, i study/work i try and hangout with friends and keep myself busy, i travel etc. basically i manage well in life without anybody but im certainly not happy while doing it.

ive had a serious relationship and a handful of not so serious ones and they brought some positive feelings and some brief happiness but in the end the sadness always returns, in my opinion true long term happiness comes from within not from someone else but others can still bring us some happiness however brief.

im reminded of a mountain goat song

"good things never last, bad things never die" i think this is certainly true for all relationships romantic, platonic, familial so we shouldn't rely on others for our happiness.