First proper social event

[howlingmadpanda]

As with most fellow "Aspies" (although according to DSM V no such thing exists) I am and have been socially inept for much of my life. For me I was never particularly disinterested in social interactions, it was simply that I always felt I had better things to do and until the past year really could not interact completely "normally" with other human beings I did not know very well. The other thing that of course never helps any of us is that not only are we generally socially awkward (as a rule of thumb), but that we often have quite different interests and generally do not engage well in small talk. As a result, social gatherings are usually something I have made an effort to avoid and have done well for the past few years successfully.

That was until a friend of mine asked me to Prom with them. Naturally, as any decent friend would do I accepted, but this post is not about that. In short, I am technically a Junior and most of my friends are/were seniors in school, which will be relevant later. I somewhat enjoyed that social gathering as I spoke mostly with close friends and my friend who had invited me and her friends. That being said, I am actually quite happy that I was invited to that prom as I feel that I now have basic social abilities and it forced me to step out of my comfort zone, something I now realize was the express intent of my friend. This still hasn't changed the fact that I need time alone, but my friend even recognized that I have an Autism diagnosis and that my social behavior would be slightly awkward. In a nutshell I was quite lucky to have a friend who actually understands Autism

But I digress, as this post was about my conflicting feelings over another social event. The previous information was included to get an idea of where I was socially and the calibre of my friends. Last week, my friend invited me to their graduation party, which again I accepted the invitation to given my last positive experience. I was relieved, to say at the least, to find that is was simply an intimate gathering of maybe 12 or so people, a social gathering that an Aspie could manage. While being one year younger, I was the odd one out, I still had many friends there and for the first time in my life, I can say I actually enjoyed socializing. After "recharging" however, I am met with a feeling of sadness and disappointment -- the realization that socializing is not in general a negative thing despite my disadvantages and lack of particular interest and that those people were actually humans that I quite liked. Mind you, this social group was composed of people who were at least relatively intelligent and were primarily introverts, which made interaction much easier.

Now I am experiencing a quite profound sadness, although not depression that many of the friends I have realized are actually my real friends are leaving and that I failed to take advantage of social opportunities. Keep in mind I will see a handful of them in the next week, but after that nothing, save for occasional texting. This is quite a conflict for me as I normally, even after the prom which had opened me up, disliked social gatherings, now feel emotions unfamiliar to me. I recognize this will be an issue when I graduate, but at least I am free from that godforsaken place known as my high school and off to higher education. I simply felt that I needed to vent my feelings about this as it is quite new for me and it is easier to discuss these things across the internet than face to face.

 

[Mems]

Oh, it was very brave of you to leave your comfort zone! It makes life more interesting, but it is not easy.

You enjoyed socializing for the first time in your life. This experience must be confusing and ambivalent, but very precious. I am very curious about the factors responsible for making a social event enjoyable for you. Was it, because your friend understands you and this gives you the feeling to be safe? It must be more than just the people who where there. It must be something about the setting of the event. Because, as I understand it, you knew these people for some time. But only AFTER the social event you enjoyed so much you recognized them as true friends. Not before. So it must be something about this event that made it possible for you to open up to them. You should be able to make new true friends via the same procedure (creating the conditions you need to enjoy a social interaction and thus being able to open up to other people). This sounds easy, I know it's not. And of course there are a lot of nice people. But there are also some who are not nice. And if you - by mistake - try to socialize with them it can be painful. But this risk all of us need to take sometimes.

As I understand it, you now miss these people you enjoyed being together with.

Where do they go? Would it geographically be possible to meet them again in the future? I'm not familiar with your school system. From how far do the scholars come and when they are finished with school, where do they go? And your friend who invited you? She sounds like a VERY nice person!!! Will she also go away?

Thank you for sharing your story. It was a big step for you for sure and you need time to sort your feelings out. Perhaps, you want to talk to your friend about them someday.