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Fitting in?

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BruceCM_Aspergic

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OK, so, I still get told I've 'got to fit in'. On Aspie forums, by other Aspies, as well as by parents, etc. It's strange, though, society did keep telling me to 'just be yourself' and 'accept yourself as you are' and 'accept others as they are.' Then, I'm advised to agree with everything everybody says. Only people tell me they don't want that, anyway. So, is it possible to make any sense at all out of all this, please?
 
I think they're just being inconsistent. If people tell you to be yourself but then try to make you act like everyone else, they're not practicing what they preach. (I've experienced this.) I'd say you should just be yourself and if people can't accept you the way you are, that's their problem. What's the point of fitting in anyway?
 
It's complicated by the 'you can learn' bit. Which is true, at least generally. Thing is that 'accept others as they are' would mean no laws, no rules, no crimes, nothing! That's impossible. Certainly, I want most of our laws, as they protect me. And I agree with the social rule of treating others with respect, too. Besides, I'm being myself to ask and keep trying to make sense of stuff.
 
BruceCM said:
It's complicated by the 'you can learn' bit. Which is true, at least generally. Thing is that 'accept others as they are' would mean no laws, no rules, no crimes, nothing! That's impossible. Certainly, I want most of our laws, as they protect me. And I agree with the social rule of treating others with respect, too. Besides, I'm being myself to ask and keep trying to make sense of stuff.
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What I mean is, we can follow the law concerning crimes and things and still be different, with personalities. It is true that you can learn rules and learn to fit in with society (I kind of have over the years), but if everyone acted and thought the same way there wouldn't be any variety. Maybe people mean it would be good to learn social rules and appropriate behavior but at the same time want you to have your unique personality? I could be wrong but that's just my guess.
 
Yes, only it's then not possible to learn the 'social rules'. As they claim to be about motives and attitudes, etc. And I can never find what people are, really, talking about with those, in any way I can do anything with. Then, bizarrely, you're supposed to forget all that. Although it's the same morality underlying the basic laws.
 
BruceCM said:
OK, so, I still get told I've 'got to fit in'. On Aspie forums, by other Aspies, as well as by parents, etc. It's strange, though, society did keep telling me to 'just be yourself' and 'accept yourself as you are' and 'accept others as they are.' Then, I'm advised to agree with everything everybody says. Only people tell me they don't want that, anyway. So, is it possible to make any sense at all out of all this, please?
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I think you are going about it backwards....you are looking for other people to make you happy.

Learn to make yourself happy...others will see that in you...and so will be attracted to you.

You don't necessarily have to fit in...but you cannot be a disturbing force....obtuse arguments...going off in tangents when a discussion is in play. Listen...interject only when you have something to add to the conversation. Become a quiet...observant person. Study others around you. Notice correlations...establish cause and effect...you will eventually see the difference in acceptable behavior and unacceptable....only be the person observing...not the one committing the blunders.

I've given you numerous examples of self satisfaction.(martial arts...academics)...try music...take up an instrument and become really good. Life is sweet when you engage in it....not necessarily with others at first...but through self achievement. You will meet others with things in common when you engage in a passion. Don't disagree with this...you would be wrong. Just really try this...not necessarily music...but some creative outlet.
 
I did church for years. That should do as the shared interest bit. I don't see it quite as you're saying. I'm not asking them to make me 'happy'. It's called respect. You agreed elsewhere that has to mean the same for everybody. Some people talk more than I do, so that's hardly such a simple problem.
 
BruceCM said:
I did church for years. That should do as the shared interest bit. I don't see it quite as you're saying. I'm not asking them to make me 'happy'. It's called respect. You agreed elsewhere that has to mean the same for everybody. Some people talk more than I do, so that's hardly such a simple problem.
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You must also realize that not all will follow all the rules. Just go to the ones that do. There must be some....the Minister?
 
Not here. They've got some other way to interpret most of the Bible. Which can't be explained and you've got to believe whatever they say is right. I couldn't talk to the senior pastor at the church I went to. When asked some others about it, there was all the attitude stuff and it got nowhere. When did goto another church, I was also told I had to be reconciled to the previous one. Which is in Bible.
 
BruceCM said:
Not here. They've got some other way to interpret most of the Bible. Which can't be explained and you've got to believe whatever they say is right. I couldn't talk to the senior pastor at the church I went to. When asked some others about it, there was all the attitude stuff and it got nowhere. When did goto another church, I was also told I had to be reconciled to the previous one. Which is in Bible.
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I know nothing about the bible...but I am sure it says somewhere in there that no one is perfect....therefor, the pastor...being not perfect...may not be the right one for you. You should therefor have the chance to go to another church. It sounds like complicity among churches to not "steal" one another's members. It is about money..being a business and all. Would you really wish to stay with a church that doesn't meet your needs. You need to talk to someone who will listen and help coach you to a better life in the here and now...simple. Adaptation is the #1 rule of survival. You must remain pliable enough to absorb the knocks in life...and intelligent enough to get off misdirected paths and on to correct ones. To do the same thing, while knowingly being on an incorrect course of action is nothing less than willful stupidity. Monitor you path in life....if it stagnates or goes astray...move to a more correct one. Yes...the one you feel better with. I wouldn't know it...you must...since you know what you don't like about the one you are in.
 
In the book Look Me in the Eye, John Elder Robison writes about how Aspies tend to be very logical in the way that they approach interactions with other people, which doesn't always work since the way most people approach social interaction usually is less logical and more superficial. Does anyone here feel like this is a factor that affects their ability to "fit in?"

I tend to not worry too much about whether or not I "fit in," and I tend to think that if I focus on the basic "be nice/don't bother people/do onto others as you would have them do onto you/etc" type things, I'll fit in with the people who are worth fitting in with.
 
OK. 'Do as you would have others do to you'. Well, that'd be most of what I'm talking about! The be reconciled bit is Matthew 5:25. As nobody is perfect, that'll mean I'm not, either. If I think it's wrong, others judging me, probably by feelings, I can hardly do that! Not that I seem to have many feelings that I could use for it, anyway.
 
BruceCM said:
OK, so, I still get told I've 'got to fit in'. On Aspie forums, by other Aspies, as well as by parents, etc. It's strange, though, society did keep telling me to 'just be yourself' and 'accept yourself as you are' and 'accept others as they are.' Then, I'm advised to agree with everything everybody says. Only people tell me they don't want that, anyway. So, is it possible to make any sense at all out of all this, please?
Click to expand...

Don't fit in. Why would you want to change yourself for osmeone else you don't even have any connection to other than their stupid advice. Everyone likes to say "be yourself" but rarely actually takes their own advice. Maybe I need to get back to reading some of these things that actuallyt elaborate on why that's the case. Anyway, do what you think feels right to you, and I'm sure being a phony isn't a very attractive option.
 
BruceCM said:
'Do what you feel is right'. I don't have the feelings for that. That's too similar to rely on your feelings, which I covered before.
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Sorry I missed what you 'covered before'. I tend not to read or care too much about anything pertaining to males. But this one was pretty relatable subject matter. Bye.
 
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