Flashbacks/traumatic events/martial arts?

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

Does anyone get flashbacks? I mean from bullying in high school, work place, and even college. Over the past 9 years, I've had trouble sleeping at night due to high school bullying. At first, I thought it was just me, but whenever I've done research, I have found that they are studies to support people with autism are more prone to being bullied than neurotypical people. ( I wasn't diagnosed at the time, although I knew I was different.) Here's my lil' story: I dropped out of public high school (a topic for another time) for skipping and I planned on getting my GED since I noticed 'neurotypical teens' in school were just jerks and I no longer wanted nothing to do with them. My neurotypical mother pushed me to a alternative high school, of course, this place is even worse than my last high school, and so I spent the next two years doing the work (very easy) and during this time, I was bullied by @ssholes. Looking back, these guys were threatening me and others and harassing us. They got away with a lot of things. I'm not a violent or confrontational person, (last fight was in middle school) but these jerks would constantly harass me and challenge me, even in the middle of class. It pisses me off that teachers never did anything and sometimes even let it slide or joined in. After high school ended, I was relieved to never see these people again. Over the summer of 2007, one of them contacted me. (I was desperate for friends and lonely at the time.) At first, I neglected, but he would constantly shame or manipulate me for not hanging out with him, so I started hanging out with him. Later on he invited other jerks and would harass me as if I was a joke. They would say things like, "Can't you take a joke?" despite the fact that I can take a joke but these people would take things too far and it became insults. Whenever I called them out on it, they picked fights with me. (Some friends right?) Several years later, I cut them off realizing that these people would never change even though we were out of high school. I later found out via social media that one of them started playing the victim and saying things about me that weren't even true. I'm glad I made the right decision, because who knows what could've happened. These people like to push others beyond their limits and cause tragedies. Anyways, sorry for the long rant, there is way more to the story, but my question is: Does anyone train in MMA, boxing, or any other martial arts? How is it for you guys? Do you let your instructors know about the diagnosis? My last instructor for Krav Maga accused me of not "wanting to listen" even though I have a learning disability. (He didn't know since I kept it a secret.) What do you guys think? I want to be prepared in case I encounter terrible people later on in life.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Yeah, I've sort of got flashbacks to moments like these, it gets my heart beating and skin sweating. It's not nice. Fortunately, it hasn't happened for quite a while now but this was occurring as late at seven years after leaving school.

 

[wanderer03]

Does anyone get flashbacks? I mean from bullying in high school, work place, and even college. Over the past 9 years, I've had trouble sleeping at night due to high school bullying. At first, I thought it was just me, but whenever I've done research, I have found that they are studies to support people with autism are more prone to being bullied than neurotypical people. ( I wasn't diagnosed at the time, although I knew I was different.) Here's my lil' story: I dropped out of public high school (a topic for another time) for skipping and I planned on getting my GED since I noticed 'neurotypical teens' in school were just jerks and I no longer wanted nothing to do with them. My neurotypical mother pushed me to a alternative high school, of course, this place is even worse than my last high school, and so I spent the next two years doing the work (very easy) and during this time, I was bullied by @ssholes. Looking back, these guys were threatening me and others and harassing us. They got away with a lot of things. I'm not a violent or confrontational person, (last fight was in middle school) but these jerks would constantly harass me and challenge me, even in the middle of class. It pisses me off that teachers never did anything and sometimes even let it slide or joined in. After high school ended, I was relieved to never see these people again. Over the summer of 2007, one of them contacted me. (I was desperate for friends and lonely at the time.) At first, I neglected, but he would constantly shame or manipulate me for not hanging out with him, so I started hanging out with him. Later on he invited other jerks and would harass me as if I was a joke. They would say things like, "Can't you take a joke?" despite the fact that I can take a joke but these people would take things too far and it became insults. Whenever I called them out on it, they picked fights with me. (Some friends right?) Several years later, I cut them off realizing that these people would never change even though we were out of high school. I later found out via social media that one of them started playing the victim and saying things about me that weren't even true. I'm glad I made the right decision, because who knows what could've happened. These people like to push others beyond their limits and cause tragedies. Anyways, sorry for the long rant, there is way more to the story, but my question is: Does anyone train in MMA, boxing, or any other martial arts? How is it for you guys? Do you let your instructors know about the diagnosis? My last instructor for Krav Maga accused me of not "wanting to listen" even though I have a learning disability. (He didn't know since I kept it a secret.) What do you guys think? I want to be prepared in case I encounter terrible people later on in life.

I do but the flashbacks manifest themselves at night and in vivid dreams.

 

[Astroganga]

Yes flashbacks and also nightmares. Not as many as when I was younger but it still happens from time to time.

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

Yeah, I've sort of got flashbacks to moments like these, it gets my heart beating and skin sweating. It's not nice. Fortunately, it hasn't happened for quite a while now but this was occurring as late at seven years after leaving school.

Same here. Well...sort of. Sometimes I have my days where I don't think about it and then there's days where it'll come back and I go "rage mode". My former counselor gave me crappy advice of, just suppress your anger and that never works. It's not wise to just bottle up anger.

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

I'm more than twice your age, but I still experience "flashbacks" from the horrendous bullying I experienced in school. In grade school I was always "a little different," but the bullying didn't ramp up until I got into fifth grade. Junior high was the worst as was my freshman and sophomore years of high school. The bullying was bad enough that I was taken to the emergency room with injuries. Nowadays there would be an investigation, but back then it was different. It let up my junior year in high school when I unhinged on a bully and almost killed him in English class.

Still, forty years later, I find myself experiencing that same feeling of dread/terror/anxiety; it's near impossible to describe unless one has experienced it. As for the "Can't you take a joke?" statements, I know all too well what you mean. That's a problem even as an adult. If everyone is laughing it's a joke, but usually it's a group that is laughing with one person trying to figure out why "such and such" was done to them. I still experience similar things at work, though I've learned to feign a smile, laugh, etc. I heard a statement made about bullies, "Bullies never remember their victims, but their victims never forget them." To this day I see their faces and can remember their names, because the wounds they left are so deep they will never heal properly. I still carry the physical and emotional scars. So yeah, I have flashbacks.

^Nailed it. I was a religious person back in high school and it was against my beliefs to go berserk mode or to fight back. Now, I'm no longer religious and I don't have a problem with someone coming up to me, starting problems and I deck them. It may be harsh but I now understand that some people can't be reasoned with. This guy called himself my friend, but yet picked on me and whenever I told him, "dude, you're going to far". He would say, "well if you got a problem with it, do something about it." I was confused by this statement since I wasn't threatening him, but tried reasoning with him and his friends (HS reminds me of chimps) would circle jerk him and agree, so it was basically me against him and his friends. I'm a short guy (5'5" 145lbs.) , but my high school bullies were tall guys (6'2", 6'3") and outweighed by 200lbs. I don't have a problem with tall people since some of my friends are tall, but I now understand why us short guys have to compensate.

 

[qwerty]

Does anyone get flashbacks? I mean from bullying in high school, work place, and even college. Over the past 9 years, I've had trouble sleeping at night due to high school bullying. At first, I thought it was just me, but whenever I've done research, I have found that they are studies to support people with autism are more prone to being bullied than neurotypical people. ( I wasn't diagnosed at the time, although I knew I was different.) Here's my lil' story: I dropped out of public high school (a topic for another time) for skipping and I planned on getting my GED since I noticed 'neurotypical teens' in school were just jerks and I no longer wanted nothing to do with them. My neurotypical mother pushed me to a alternative high school, of course, this place is even worse than my last high school, and so I spent the next two years doing the work (very easy) and during this time, I was bullied by @ssholes. Looking back, these guys were threatening me and others and harassing us. They got away with a lot of things. I'm not a violent or confrontational person, (last fight was in middle school) but these jerks would constantly harass me and challenge me, even in the middle of class. It pisses me off that teachers never did anything and sometimes even let it slide or joined in. After high school ended, I was relieved to never see these people again. Over the summer of 2007, one of them contacted me. (I was desperate for friends and lonely at the time.) At first, I neglected, but he would constantly shame or manipulate me for not hanging out with him, so I started hanging out with him. Later on he invited other jerks and would harass me as if I was a joke. They would say things like, "Can't you take a joke?" despite the fact that I can take a joke but these people would take things too far and it became insults. Whenever I called them out on it, they picked fights with me. (Some friends right?) Several years later, I cut them off realizing that these people would never change even though we were out of high school. I later found out via social media that one of them started playing the victim and saying things about me that weren't even true. I'm glad I made the right decision, because who knows what could've happened. These people like to push others beyond their limits and cause tragedies. Anyways, sorry for the long rant, there is way more to the story, but my question is: Does anyone train in MMA, boxing, or any other martial arts? How is it for you guys? Do you let your instructors know about the diagnosis? My last instructor for Krav Maga accused me of not "wanting to listen" even though I have a learning disability. (He didn't know since I kept it a secret.) What do you guys think? I want to be prepared in case I encounter terrible people later on in life.

most martial arts can be a great way to direct any anger and frustrations that being bullied might bring up for you. Help you to feel more fit, healthy and balanced. sparing and hitting the bags gives you a really good indicator of what you are actually capable of and is good for your confidence and self esteem. i think it is a great way to redirect all that negative tension into something positive.

it is really important to know how to defend yourself when you have to, i recommend training a mix of Judo, boxing and a little bit of taekwondo, not much just some good elbow strikes and basic kicks and then completely avoid fighting ever.

knowing how to fight will not necessarily stop anyone from picking on you, and beating the crap out of someone who is teasing you is a really bad way to go, i mean you might have the fantasy of revenge where you beat up your tormentors and everything is better and nobody will pick on you again etc...Where in reality you could end up really hurting them as you direct all those years of what sounds like a very traumatic time for you. When you feel the adrenaline surge of fighting you feel shaky and it is really hard to think straight, it's not like the movies where bam one punch and it's all over, it's like taking a really uncomfortable amount of meth and flipping out, it's scary, not like sparring.

and it really, really hurts! your fists bleed, bruise and crack and when you hit someone then their adrenaline kicks in and they lash out, most people can take a whole lot of punishment when adrenaline is pumping, people grab your ears and smash your face, grind your nose into things, you stumble thrashing around and fall on things at funny angles which is really sore, you might find you start to lose passion in the fight but your stuck in it, fighting really sucks.
then there's the next day when ya really feel the pain.

i have ptsd and get the flashbacks like you do. i think a lot of us aspies have experienced being bullied and i am sorry you have had such a tough time, like Sportster said "Bullies never remember their victims, but their victims never forget them." people can be dicks.
I do think that having been bullied people tend to develop a strong sense of caring, compassion, kindness and justice etc. it is an appalling experience but the bullies themselves probably often never get to know the depth of compassion and kindness that those who have been bullied know.

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

most martial arts can be a great way to direct any anger and frustrations that being bullied might bring up for you. Help you to feel more fit, healthy and balanced. sparing and hitting the bags gives you a really good indicator of what you are actually capable of and is good for your confidence and self esteem. i think it is a great way to redirect all that negative tension into something positive.

it is really important to know how to defend yourself when you have to, i recommend training a mix of Judo, boxing and a little bit of taekwondo, not much just some good elbow strikes and basic kicks and then completely avoid fighting ever.

knowing how to fight will not necessarily stop anyone from picking on you, and beating the crap out of someone who is teasing you is a really bad way to go, i mean you might have the fantasy of revenge where you beat up your tormentors and everything is better and nobody will pick on you again etc...Where in reality you could end up really hurting them as you direct all those years of what sounds like a very traumatic time for you. When you feel the adrenaline surge of fighting you feel shaky and it is really hard to think straight, it's not like the movies where bam one punch and it's all over, it's like taking a really uncomfortable amount of meth and flipping out, it's scary, not like sparring.

and it really, really hurts! your fists bleed, bruise and crack and when you hit someone then their adrenaline kicks in and they lash out, most people can take a whole lot of punishment when adrenaline is pumping, people grab your ears and smash your face, grind your nose into things, you stumble thrashing around and fall on things at funny angles which is really sore, you might find you start to lose passion in the fight but your stuck in it, fighting really sucks.
then there's the next day when ya really feel the pain.

i have ptsd and get the flashbacks like you do. i think a lot of us aspies have experienced being bullied and i am sorry you have had such a tough time, like Sportster said "Bullies never remember their victims, but their victims never forget them." people can be dicks.
I do think that having been bullied people tend to develop a strong sense of caring, compassion, kindness and justice etc. it is an appalling experience but the bullies themselves probably often never get to know the depth of compassion and kindness that those who have been bullied know.

Honestly, I don't like fighting. In fact, I walk away or avoid my enemies if given a chance. If anything my enemies always came after me and attacked me. I've had my glasses taken from me during class, pushed around, and these guys even made terrible remarks about my family. Other students saw this and joined in. Now I will agree that fantasizing about these things of getting back at them are bad, but I use these as motivation to train. And yes, I agree that fighting is terrible, as I do not go after people in society. Yeah...as a man, I was taught never to complain or admit that I had a bullying problem as that shows weakness, it's that I'm finally confronting these demons and it's really difficult as I use to day dream a lot and hide my anger and pain through fantasy or playing games all day. And now as an adult, I realize that I have to finally confront these and reclaim what I've lost all these years: my dignity, pride and respect. I DIDN'T MAKE THE RULES, but this is how neurotypicals think and according to them, which I grew up around, they say stand up for yourself and now I do. According to their "logic", if you don't stand up for yourself, you basically become a door mat and others will step on you. I've experienced this firsthand. I do feel bad though if I hurt the guy, but I firmly believe that some people need to be taught humility when they do terrible things like this since authorities (teachers, police officers) don't do anything.

 

[Suzanne]

I used to have flashbacks, but due to sexual molestation by father. I was bullied in school and again, the same as is being echoed here: can't you take a joke? Wow etc etc. I now say: no good telling me a joke, for I will spoil it, not getting it.

I complimented someone on a talk they gave and not too long after, he came over with a piece of paper and laughing said would I write the compliment down and I was just about to reach for a pen, when his wife ( who I had just told that I have aspergers and do not always understand jokes and take things too literal), she bounced in and said: don't worry, he is joking!

I am not sure if this will work for you, but it certainly worked for me and continues to do so. When I forgave myself for blaming me about the abuse, that is when the flashbacks and nightmares stopped. I know that when severely bullied, one tends to blame themselves, so perhaps if you do, you could try thinking: they are the idiots, not not me.

I am really contimplating in getting a punchbag, to be honest, because of deep anger issues.

Oh and my husband is not an nt and experienced bullying too.

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

I was also molested by my uncle. The man also repeated this to different relatives. (He is old now and complains why no one talks to him. Good riddance.) I forgave him, but I cannot forget what he did to me. My OCD(a curse and often times a blessing) tries to make me doubt that it happened, but I remember what happened and it messed me up. And wow, what a jerk that woman's husband is. Sometimes neurotypicals are @ssholes and when they have the same level of joke played on them, they complain. (Yes, these same bullies can say the 'joke', but cannot take them.) High school isn't for everyone and anyone that says otherwise is very closeminded. The work was easy, it's just people, that make things complicated. Oh and yes, I have a muay thai bag, I work it and use it quite a bit. Thank you guys for your input, I just needed to rant and get it off my chest.

 

[Ronin82]

I was actually diagnosed with PTSD two years ago, and have been dealing with flashbacks for YEARS!!! Religious upbringing and denial of my Aspie tendencies by EVERYONE resulted in hell for me in school. I started taking Martial Arts 10 years ago. Sometimes the activities trigger my flashbacks, but I'm working with a therapist who is also a MA instructor, so making progress. Unfortunately there are a LOT of a**hole instructors in the Martial Arts world. Any instructor definitely needs to know about any learning disabilities/mental health issues, but the rest of the class does not necessarily need to know. If the instructor doesn't know how to treat you or acts like a bully, find another class/instructor until you find one who won't exacerbate your issues.

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

I was actually diagnosed with PTSD two years ago, and have been dealing with flashbacks for YEARS!!! Religious upbringing and denial of my Aspie tendencies by EVERYONE resulted in hell for me in school. I started taking Martial Arts 10 years ago. Sometimes the activities trigger my flashbacks, but I'm working with a therapist who is also a MA instructor, so making progress. Unfortunately there are a LOT of a**hole instructors in the Martial Arts world. Any instructor definitely needs to know about any learning disabilities/mental health issues, but the rest of the class does not necessarily need to know. If the instructor doesn't know how to treat you or acts like a bully, find another class/instructor until you find one who won't exacerbate your issues.

Your background is somewhat similar to mine. I was brought up to be Pentecostal, but I left those beliefs (different topic for another day) behind, however I will not focus on that but on this issue. My Krav Maga instructor accused me of not wanting to listen despite the fact that I have learning disabilities and it takes me longer to understand something. It's my fault for not letting him know about my disabilities and yes I tried to pass myself as normal, but am now realizing that it's better not to neurotypical (also another topic for another day.) and currently accepting myself day by day. It is what it is and I cannot change myself and feel like I'm living a lie by passing myself as 'normal' (Sometimes I'm not political correct.) and have been living like that for years. I'm the only aspie in my family as far as I know. I'm going off topic, yeah, I decided not to attend Krav Maga since that instructor is a jerk, but I don't knock off Krav Maga as it really is lethal. I think I'm going to go with mma. Thanks Ronin!

 

[wanderer03]

I've often thought that teachers whom accuse you of not listening because you are struggling are, more often than not, simply poor teachers.

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

I've often thought that teachers whom accuse you of not listening because you are struggling are, more often than not, simply poor teachers.

Yep. Some people are not fit to be teachers. Oh and some one once said, " There's no such thing as bad students, just bad teachers."

 

[Ronin82]

Amen to that!! My current instructor is a total Narcissist/Sociopath, but he knows a very effective and lethal style, so I stick with him. He's also one of the few people I can count on if I need help with projects around the house. My reasoning for staying with him even though he's an a**hole is, "how better to learn how to deal with bullies than to learn from one?", which is why I'm now seeing a therapist with a MA background...he's having to fix some very nasty damage, both mental and physical that my instructor made much worse. I don't advocate doing what I did!! Find a good instructor and leave the crappy ones alone!

 

[FreeDiver]

I have a terrible time with flashbacks of school. But the funny thing about it is, it's not the kids the bullied me that I remember, but rather that the teachers never did anything about it. there are a couple of teachers that encouraged the other students to bully, and it them I can't get out of my mind.

 

[Astroganga]

I have a terrible time with flashbacks of school. But the funny thing about it is, it's not the kids the bullied me that I remember, but rather that the teachers never did anything about it. there are a couple of teachers that encouraged the other students to bully, and it them I can't get out of my mind.

I had the same experience, my form tutor and head of year were the worst. Head of year was also my art teacher one year and I made him fly into some blind rages as I wouldn't stick to his ridiculously rigid project briefs-he would want everyone in the class to produce identical artwork with no personal input at all. From then on he encouraged people to bully me, and refused to cooperate with the police when the bullying spilled out, outside of school. Utter scumbag. I was also sexually harassed by a much older male teacher, in front of everyone but he made it seem like it was harmless fun and convinced everyone it was just a joke. He spoke exactly the same as the Ralph character (from the Ted and Ralph sketch) from The Fast Show. I could not and still cannot watch that sketch without feeling really horrible inside. When I went into meltdown in an exam, he was the only one who stuck up for me and stopped me from being expelled, but only so he could bother me further. When I was being taught in isolation (the only way the school would allow me back) he would come and try and talk with me and say he was the only one to understand me, I wanted to scream at him to **** off. Needless to say I stopped going to school at all shortly afterwards. I have tried to trace all three of these teachers not that I really would contact them and let them know the harm they have done to me, but I have daydreamed about that, or even getting revenge (I wouldn't)-but in the end I couldn't track any of them down anyway. Probably just as well.

 

[blak]

I get flashbacks from my past, the flashbacks are from more than bullying from school, but from other things, but whatever they are from i don't like them.

 

[FreeDiver]

Gee, teachers that actually participated in the bullying? That's like saying "bad cop," "dishonest accountant," or "crooked judge," as those are people that don't exist; at least not in the perfect world. I, too, had teachers in school that egged others on when they should have been stopping the bullying. One time in art class while working with clay, I turned the lump over not realizing there was a knife in it. The knife went through the clay and into my hand. The teacher literally made fun of me and wrote out a sarcastic note allowing to me to go the nurse. A girl in the class thought what he did was horrible.

The bullying will forever haunt me, but the thing that exacerbates the memories and puzzles me is why those that were supposed to protect and teach didn't.

Corruption is everywhere, unfortunately. But ya! When a teacher participates in bullying, it just make going to school that much more miserable. The only thing that I ever learn in school was how to avoid being bullied. It was survival 101, and that's it.

Speaking of art class. I too had a choice of ether going to ceramics or theater for the semester. I choose theater, because I always thought that ceramics was for girls. And considering the fact that I already had enough of a bullying problem as it was. I didn't want to give my bullies more ammo to work with. Although theater was not a subject of interest to me. I will say it was one of the best classes I've ever taken. I loved my teacher and the class environment was just wonderful. Although my bullies would make fun of my drama teacher and call her a loser, and call me a loser for taking that class anyways. God! I wondered if I choose ceramics instead, if someone would've put a knife in the clay on me. I can only imagine what would happen if I was working the pottery wheel and someone put a razor blade in the clay I was working. I'd get my hands slashed multiple times. OUCH!

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

Corruption is everywhere, unfortunately. But ya! When a teacher participates in bullying, it just make going to school that much more miserable. The only thing that I ever learn in school was how to avoid being bullied. It was survival 101, and that's it.

Speaking of art class. I too had a choice of ether going to ceramics or theater for the semester. I choose theater, because I always thought that ceramics was for girls. And considering the fact that I already had enough of a bullying problem as it was. I didn't want to give my bullies more ammo to work with. Although theater was not a subject of interest to me. I will say it was one of the best classes I've ever taken. I loved my teacher and the class environment was just wonderful. Although my bullies would make fun of my drama teacher and call her a loser, and call me a loser for taking that class anyways. God! I wondered if I choose ceramics instead, if someone would've put a knife in the clay on me. I can only imagine what would happen if I was working the pottery wheel and someone put a razor blade in the clay I was working. I'd get my hands slashed multiple times. OUCH!

The thing that will forever puzzle me is why bullies do what they do; how do they derive enjoyment out of that? Do they lack a conscience. I recall a line in the movie "Nuremberg" where the psychologist was discussing his quest to understand evil. He said he thought he had finally understood the nature of evil; it was the absence of empathy; a total lack of compassion for your fellow man. Looking back, that's how I see bullies. A total lack of empathy or compassion.

In a way, yes. These guys didn't really care if I lived or died. Sometimes bullies push their victims over the edge and two possibilities happen: suicide or they go berserk and tragedies like school shootings happen. Luckily I didn't choose either of them and fortunately for them I'm not the type to just go and hunt these people down. (I could if I wanted to or learn to hack, but nah it seems childish to get revenge.) It saddens me though as neurotypicals usually think that we are the violent ones since sometimes we don't exhibit emotions, when in reality, it's the complete opposite. I personally believe we have a higher moral code. Sorry for my rants and forgive me if I have the "victim complex", it's just that I've held onto this for so long (about 9 years) and it pains me. I don't have any other source of outlet other than working out or talking to a counselor (in progress). Thanks.