I am down to the wire, in the last two weeks of making my way back to the US. I will be able to (significantly) take my guard down after we cross the border. I have a lovely cabin stay for us to hike in the woods with our dogs. So this heightened alert I have going on will subside somewhat at that point.
My curiosity is how others deal with triggers.
What has worked, what doesn't?
Fight, flight, Freeze or Meltdown. Each is now different and better, as opposed to when I was younger.
Fight for me (now) usually involves confrontation or going into solution mode.
I have managed to minimize the Meltdown response with age. It’s less frequent, once every 2 months average. I actually can now direct myself out of public view to have such in private.
Triggers: Threat to health or safety to myself or those in my care, is up there in bright neon letters.
I spend a lot of time planning and evaluating both current and future situations. That is part of an effort to yes be prepared, and avoid what is or I view as a potentiallydangerous/threatening situation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
It takes a lot out of me. It's likely not good for my stress levels and mind.
That confirmation, via averting tragedy is a hell of a reward trigger for the brain, when sadly it is confirmed you just averted yet another tragedy. First my husband may say I am overreacting. He gets very irritated. Then comes the moment of truth, followed by his later comment “I never would have guessed that danger was there, or that something was so dangerous.” He then asks me “How did you know that?”
On one occasion where I went hands off, at my husbands request, his cancer went undiagnosed. That was both a major regret and huge lesson for me. It’s not often I go hands off since, much to his irritation, though he realizes it would not have been diagnosed at all, had I not stepped in later.
I didn’t have that high and frequent reward in the states. So yes, it is good we will be leaving here (Mexico) soon (2 weeks) and back in the USA.
As a result, I am acutely aware of how often my fear response has been triggered. I am evaluating the harm such on alert fear response takes on me. It’s rather exhausting and not easy to shut off that little hum in the background. It seems to be the price I pay, for minimizing harm to self or others in my care. The reward for this constant vigil, has been high in the past few years, living in Mexico. I cannot believe how much so. Because of this proven ‘reward", I acknowledge that my brain may be conditioned to not take a break.
I always ask myself: Is this an imagined threat, or is it real? If it is real I assign a threat level to it. Those life threatening are a no negotiate and must deal with it. The others I can accept the end results, and put those to the side, or better yet in the trash altogether.
I do not like going over things multiple times to find holes in safety. I realize I have been doing that in one way or another since childhood.
I have had to divide threats into different categories.
I ignore the lesser threats. Much and (many people) go in that imaginary trash can. What once triggered a meltdown, becomes trash, much to husbands continued frustration. I just view it as his baggage of not being able to navigate and accept. I have my things.. he has his. Deal with it. I understand he cannot change at 76 to accommodate me, and likewise I cannot change more than I already have to please others.
These things no longer trigger me:
Bullies are in the trash… no flight there anymore. Socialization in the trash, I can deal with that. Unhappy inherited husbands family members, who have a dislike of my wiring is not important. All those things and people are on the fringe and I have learned they have little importance. Much comes with being older. Perspective improves. As I negate such people and situations, my partner becomes frustrated. He often says that I forgive myself too easily, and should care about said situations socially. I disagree. The more I dispose of, the better off I am emotionally. There comes a time, after 60 years, that you realize what matters and what doesn't.
Now I just have to learn how to minimize and control how much I fear. When I fear. I must learn how to take control of those aspects. What are the tools/tricks, to avert this thought pattern, particularly at night before falling asleep. That will be my first step. To learn to control that fear. Right now it controls me.
With that control, I hope to eliminate the shut down effect which is much like a meltdown, but internalized. It’s not a pleasant thing to experience at the end of the day, when you are suppose to be in recharge mode/sleeping, to be triggered into a silent panic mode.
My curiosity is how others deal with triggers.
What has worked, what doesn't?
Fight, flight, Freeze or Meltdown. Each is now different and better, as opposed to when I was younger.
Fight for me (now) usually involves confrontation or going into solution mode.
I have managed to minimize the Meltdown response with age. It’s less frequent, once every 2 months average. I actually can now direct myself out of public view to have such in private.
Triggers: Threat to health or safety to myself or those in my care, is up there in bright neon letters.
I spend a lot of time planning and evaluating both current and future situations. That is part of an effort to yes be prepared, and avoid what is or I view as a potentiallydangerous/threatening situation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
It takes a lot out of me. It's likely not good for my stress levels and mind.
That confirmation, via averting tragedy is a hell of a reward trigger for the brain, when sadly it is confirmed you just averted yet another tragedy. First my husband may say I am overreacting. He gets very irritated. Then comes the moment of truth, followed by his later comment “I never would have guessed that danger was there, or that something was so dangerous.” He then asks me “How did you know that?”
On one occasion where I went hands off, at my husbands request, his cancer went undiagnosed. That was both a major regret and huge lesson for me. It’s not often I go hands off since, much to his irritation, though he realizes it would not have been diagnosed at all, had I not stepped in later.
I didn’t have that high and frequent reward in the states. So yes, it is good we will be leaving here (Mexico) soon (2 weeks) and back in the USA.
As a result, I am acutely aware of how often my fear response has been triggered. I am evaluating the harm such on alert fear response takes on me. It’s rather exhausting and not easy to shut off that little hum in the background. It seems to be the price I pay, for minimizing harm to self or others in my care. The reward for this constant vigil, has been high in the past few years, living in Mexico. I cannot believe how much so. Because of this proven ‘reward", I acknowledge that my brain may be conditioned to not take a break.
I always ask myself: Is this an imagined threat, or is it real? If it is real I assign a threat level to it. Those life threatening are a no negotiate and must deal with it. The others I can accept the end results, and put those to the side, or better yet in the trash altogether.
I do not like going over things multiple times to find holes in safety. I realize I have been doing that in one way or another since childhood.
I have had to divide threats into different categories.
I ignore the lesser threats. Much and (many people) go in that imaginary trash can. What once triggered a meltdown, becomes trash, much to husbands continued frustration. I just view it as his baggage of not being able to navigate and accept. I have my things.. he has his. Deal with it. I understand he cannot change at 76 to accommodate me, and likewise I cannot change more than I already have to please others.
These things no longer trigger me:
Bullies are in the trash… no flight there anymore. Socialization in the trash, I can deal with that. Unhappy inherited husbands family members, who have a dislike of my wiring is not important. All those things and people are on the fringe and I have learned they have little importance. Much comes with being older. Perspective improves. As I negate such people and situations, my partner becomes frustrated. He often says that I forgive myself too easily, and should care about said situations socially. I disagree. The more I dispose of, the better off I am emotionally. There comes a time, after 60 years, that you realize what matters and what doesn't.
Now I just have to learn how to minimize and control how much I fear. When I fear. I must learn how to take control of those aspects. What are the tools/tricks, to avert this thought pattern, particularly at night before falling asleep. That will be my first step. To learn to control that fear. Right now it controls me.
With that control, I hope to eliminate the shut down effect which is much like a meltdown, but internalized. It’s not a pleasant thing to experience at the end of the day, when you are suppose to be in recharge mode/sleeping, to be triggered into a silent panic mode.
