Focusing A Life People Accepting Me As Is

[The Penguin]

As many people trying to find a ways to get accepted by people, I have decided I will focus on a life of people accepting me as is. This won't be easy. However, I'm not being a person I not just to fit in with someone.

I have been thinking about my life many reasons people won't accept me once they learn something about me:

• I don't believe into religion
• I do collect toys during my adult life including dolls
• I'm a person into retro video games music mainly based on cartridge based system
• Learning about my sexual interest and fetishes
• Not into most things that the norm into, sports, reality TV, parties, etc. This is conflicting as this is a common way how society connect with people.

Despite not believing into religion, I would never trash anyone religion. At the same time, I will not accept anyone forcing their religion on me.

There many other reasons I know why people don't accept me as is though the above list should give an idea how society is not accepting of these things.

Once someone learns something about me they don't like about me, their behavior changes. When I detect this, I will end things with the person right away as I don't want someone like this in my life.

I can't stand people judge me saying I'm wasting money buying toys. People have no right on this say to me as I live on my own, have a full time job, pay my taxes, pay all my bills and also put money into savings every month. So what I do with my remaining money is my own business.

Sexual interest and fetishes is not something I often talk about. I wrote some things about it on here, on other forums and some people I had a dating relationship with in the past. I would never force anyone into anything they are not into. However, I find it non sense someone think less of me of what I'm into.

Example, there was a person wanted a chat site for people into fictional characters. I helped host the site for 6 months. During the fourth month on the forum they meet me on, I started being open of my sexual preferences. That set off a trigger with that person. Shortly after, I decided I'm no longer hosting the site for them as I don't help people don't accept me as is.

They way how most society can be is part of the reason why I prefer keeping to myself.

@Flinty shared a comment in the Pros and Cons of Being a Loner post of Highly Intelligent People Are Less Satisfied By Friendships | Inverse . I find this does relate to me very well.

Anyhow, in summary, I learned there nothing wrong me. Instead, there something wrong with part of society not accept me as is as I'm not a person that follows a norm. Also, there are many people not accepting of people into stuff I admit about myself for this post. I'm not worried about this as I'm aiming a life as a hermit. There a few people accept me as is that I do speak to time to time. Moving forward, I only will speak to people who accept me as is.

 

[Warmheart]

 

[Streetwise]

do you accept whatever any person believes any belief at all, say a serial killer who believes all women should be dead or that a person fears one species of animal so that species will be eradicated and become extinct

As many people trying to find a ways to get accepted by people, I have decided I will focus on a life of people accepting me as is. This won't be easy. However, I'm not being a person I not just to fit in with someone.

I have been thinking about my life many reasons people won't accept me once they learn something about me:

• I don't believe into religion
• I do collect toys during my adult life including dolls
• I'm a person into retro video games music mainly based on cartridge based system
• Learning about my sexual interest and fetishes
• Not into most things that the norm into, sports, reality TV, parties, etc. This is conflicting as this is a common way how society connect with people.

Despite not believing into religion, I would never trash anyone religion. At the same time, I will not accept anyone forcing their religion on me.

There many other reasons I know why people don't accept me as is though the above list should give an idea how society is not accepting of these things.

Once someone learns something about me they don't like about me, their behavior changes. When I detect this, I will end things with the person right away as I don't want someone like this in my life.

I can't stand people judge me saying I'm wasting money buying toys. People have no right on this say to me as I live on my own, have a full time job, pay my taxes, pay all my bills and also put money into savings every month. So what I do with my remaining money is my own business.

Sexual interest and fetishes is not something I often talk about. I wrote some things about it on here, on other forums and some people I had a dating relationship with in the past. I would never force anyone into anything they are not into. However, I find it non sense someone think less of me of what I'm into.

Example, there was a person wanted a chat site for people into fictional characters. I helped host the site for 6 months. During the fourth month on the forum they meet me on, I started being open of my sexual preferences. That set off a trigger with that person. Shortly after, I decided I'm no longer hosting the site for them as I don't help people don't accept me as is.

They way how most society can be is part of the reason why I prefer keeping to myself.

@Flinty shared a comment in the Pros and Cons of Being a Loner post of Highly Intelligent People Are Less Satisfied By Friendships | Inverse . I find this does relate to me very well.

Anyhow, in summary, I learned there nothing wrong me. Instead, there something wrong with part of society not accept me as is as I'm not a person that follows a norm. Also, there are many people not accepting of people into stuff I admit about myself for this post. I'm not worried about this as I'm aiming a life as a hermit. There a few people accept me as is that I do speak to time to time. Moving forward, I only will speak to people who accept me as is.

 

[The Penguin]

do you accept whatever any person believes any belief at all, say a serial killer who believes all women should be dead or that a person fears one species of animal so that species will be eradicated and become extinct

No. Need to be realistic here. I mean, obviously most people won't believe or accept something like this. I have no idea why you would even bring such example such as this?

 

[Streetwise]

because you were literal and i believed you and if you werent literal i DONT understand what you mean ,i DIDNT pass any exams at school so what i truly understand is very basic

No. Need to be realistic here. I mean, obviously most people won't believe or accept something like this. I have no idea why you would even bring such example such as this?

 

[The Penguin]

because you were literal and i believed you and if you werent literal i DONT understand what you mean ,i DIDNT pass any exams at school so what i truly understand is very basic

In summary, the post is about me only engaging with people accept me as is and not judging me for what I'm into.

 

[Streetwise]

i give up its too complex for me too understand

In summary, the post is about me only engaging with people accept me as is and not judging me for what I'm into.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

You're taking the right approach there, Penguin. I too only talk to people who accept me, and the whole me - the package deal. There are only few people out there who can tolerate the whole me, and they're the ones who I became friends with. Otherwise I'm pretty difficult to get along with and many people end up getting frustrated which makes me feel very uncomfortable. These are the people who don't end up becoming my friends. Right now I only have a few friends, and I constantly worry about them eventually leaving me because of the way I behave. I'm always afraid of being alone again, and I've had a history of scaring off so many people in the past because the way I behaved was very off-putting and annoying; made me come off as a jerk when I really am not one.

I feel like some people do judge and/or criticize me despite not being mean to me or being scared off by me. I had a coworker talk to me about "social etiquette" one after seeing me touch my pork roast with my tongue in order to measure how hot it is. Honestly...I didn't appreciate that. I also don't appreciate people who constantly ask me "why?" because I feel like they're also sort of judging me or otherwise think I'm too weird. Some "why"'s here and there are fine but if it's a pattern then they're definitely judging me. I can't be friends with people who constantly question what I do. I have extremely narrow criteria for who can or can't be my friend. They have to appreciate me AS A WHOLE, 100%, not 99.9%, in order to be considered an actual friend. Otherwise they're either a coworker, a family member or just a casual acquaintance.

At the same time I'm constantly trying to self-improve so that I have more people NOT to scare off. For now I'm working with a therapist on reducing my anxiety level and bettering my social skills. I'm also going on some meetups in order to expand my social circle; I try to talk to the people at the meetup while keeping track of how I do it so that, again, I don't scare them off. I try not to interrupt and I try to ask myself if whatever I say can be deemed offensive or not (although for the record I still have issues when it comes to tact). If I try to keep in touch with these people, I keep track of who responds and who doesn't, and I keep the conversations flowing with those who do respond (but without texting them every day, I'm extremely needy because of my history of being alone for years).

So to appreciate me 100% for who I am and have the possibility of becoming my friend, one must not question me, judge/criticize me (unless I'm doing something that might inadvertently cause harm or hurt people's feelings), and most importantly not lose their cool or speak in a frustrated tone. That's pretty narrow criteria, but I feel like it's the right criteria. 'Nuff said.

 

[Bolletje]

I think it's a wise decision to not waste your time and energy emulating the type of person you think society wants you to be.

 

[OlLiE]

as long as you don't break the law, don't restrict someone else's freedom, and respect the individual nature and beliefs of others, there is no reason to not be yourself

at the end of the day everyone has certain opinions that mean that they don't get along with some other people, it has nothing to do with being on the spectrum, everyone gravitates towards people and groups that they identify with and where they can be themselves

from a practical point of view, determine
-1- which values are most important to you, things that you can't / won't budge on
-2- from that list, decide which views exclude the most people
-3- take the one(s) that exclude(s) the most people, and focus on those groups that share that value

that way you will be in an environment that accepts you for your core values and you can focus on 'socializing' there and where you can be yourself and avoid the stress of feeling that you are being judged or that people won't accept you for who you are

this doesn't mean that an atheist can't be friends with someone deeply religious, it may just be harder, the above is just a suggestion of what may be the easiest route to what you seem to want

the main risk of my suggestion is that if you only surround yourself with people that are on the same wavelength as you are, you will only ever hear viewpoints that confirm what you already believe, something i find incredibly stale ad boring, when you can discuss things with people that don't accept your opinions/values, then that's an opportunity to learn and broaden one's own thoughts

 

[The Penguin]

the main risk of my suggestion is that if you only surround yourself with people that are on the same wavelength as you are, you will only ever hear viewpoints that confirm what you already believe, something i find incredibly stale ad boring, when you can discuss things with people that don't accept your opinions/values, then that's an opportunity to learn and broaden one's own thoughts

Depending on the topic, I can accept other people views if they are creditable on what they say. This what helps me improve my self on events like these.

at the end of the day everyone has certain opinions that mean that they don't get along with some other people, it has nothing to do with being on the spectrum, everyone gravitates towards people and groups that they identify with and where they can be themselves

I agree it haves nothing to do being on the spectrum. For myself specify, I find it might have more to do with Highly Intelligent People Are Less Satisfied By Friendships | Inverse

 

[Judge]

I think it's a wise decision to not waste your time and energy emulating the type of person you think society wants you to be.

True. Self-awareness isn't just a catalyst meant to accommodate the Neurotypical world. One thing it has allowed me to conclude is to mask my traits and behaviors selectively. To protect- and ration my own resources.

Or as they say, I'm more prone now to "pick my own battles" rather than just default to masking, which can be physically and emotionally exhausting at times.

 

[The Penguin]

They have to appreciate me AS A WHOLE, 100%, not 99.9%, in order to be considered an actual friend.

This is the system I'm using now.

I'm also going on some meetups in order to expand my social circle;

I use to do that when I was back home. Where I'm at now I find it harder to connect with people as I'm not from this place. At the same time, I know many people where I'm living at now having trouble adapt to my home city. Until I get a chance to move, I will continue to keep to myself.

(unless I'm doing something that might inadvertently cause harm or hurt people's feelings)

Very true. I find many people need to shut their mouth of something they don't approve of. As long that person is not forcing their interest, then that other person should not pay attention to the person they don't accept.

 

[ImAnAspie]

Once you dispense with the silly notion of being accepted, the sooner you'll be liberated!

I never did try to "fit in". I've always danced to the beat of my own drum and hang what anyone else feels or thinks about me.

The sooner you come to that conclusion, the happier you'll be!

 

[The Penguin]

The sooner you come to that conclusion, the happier you'll be!

I do feel more people need to discover this. As people progress in their lives, they might discover this one day.

 

[fairy_girl]

Just be yourself and don't change for others, you'll be happier that way.