Hi all
I want to briefly describe the last week to you! I had a friend to stay for a fortnight from the US - I am in Europe. He was absolutely fine for a couple of days - fun, charming, kind, thoughtful and adorably affectionate. After say, day three, I noticed that he was beginning to complain about everything being completely different (never travelled before so I was not surprised at all, and I sympathised). The complaint turned to what I now believe to be masked anxiety - I could read it in his face. We discussed it (no, actually I brought it up and he didn't want to discuss it), but I managed to get from him that he could not settle with the way we drive on the roads, the food (very different and he is very particular), the voltage, well you name it, anything that was different seemed to me to be piling up on him. The result was that he was very withdrawn and at times fighting his temper. At all times, I responded with non-judgemental understanding, and I think maybe a mistake I made (hindsight is great isnt it!) was to push for answers - gently but nonetheless I nudged.
My question/s are these: He shut down and shut me out completely. I calmly supported his decision to leave the country early as I instinctively realised he absolutely needed to go. Getting to my point... he is now in the US at home. I believe he may still be in shut down and shutting me out. I would like to contact him at an appropriate time and basically tell him that he is a wonderful guy and that what he did in getting on a plane to a new country was a really huge thing and that I do not hold any judgement at all in his choice to return - he did the right thing. My question to you aspies out there is: ummm, how long would you suggest I leave off contacting him.
A bit of background, we have had a fantastic connection all the way through - I only ever saw hints of this but having read up a bit, he does fit many AS traits - not all but many. He told me initially that I filled a void in his life, and that he loved that I would listen with no judgement. This was the basis of our relationship. I am distraught that he may be suffering but I dont want to push in on his 'alone' time and on the other hand I dont want him to think he has silenced me.
Any idea on a good 'waiting' period? He may contact me, I know but if he doesn't I want to send him something comforting and then leave it to him. Boy! Sorry this got a little longer than I intended
I want to briefly describe the last week to you! I had a friend to stay for a fortnight from the US - I am in Europe. He was absolutely fine for a couple of days - fun, charming, kind, thoughtful and adorably affectionate. After say, day three, I noticed that he was beginning to complain about everything being completely different (never travelled before so I was not surprised at all, and I sympathised). The complaint turned to what I now believe to be masked anxiety - I could read it in his face. We discussed it (no, actually I brought it up and he didn't want to discuss it), but I managed to get from him that he could not settle with the way we drive on the roads, the food (very different and he is very particular), the voltage, well you name it, anything that was different seemed to me to be piling up on him. The result was that he was very withdrawn and at times fighting his temper. At all times, I responded with non-judgemental understanding, and I think maybe a mistake I made (hindsight is great isnt it!) was to push for answers - gently but nonetheless I nudged.
My question/s are these: He shut down and shut me out completely. I calmly supported his decision to leave the country early as I instinctively realised he absolutely needed to go. Getting to my point... he is now in the US at home. I believe he may still be in shut down and shutting me out. I would like to contact him at an appropriate time and basically tell him that he is a wonderful guy and that what he did in getting on a plane to a new country was a really huge thing and that I do not hold any judgement at all in his choice to return - he did the right thing. My question to you aspies out there is: ummm, how long would you suggest I leave off contacting him.
A bit of background, we have had a fantastic connection all the way through - I only ever saw hints of this but having read up a bit, he does fit many AS traits - not all but many. He told me initially that I filled a void in his life, and that he loved that I would listen with no judgement. This was the basis of our relationship. I am distraught that he may be suffering but I dont want to push in on his 'alone' time and on the other hand I dont want him to think he has silenced me.
Any idea on a good 'waiting' period? He may contact me, I know but if he doesn't I want to send him something comforting and then leave it to him. Boy! Sorry this got a little longer than I intended
