Jennifer Ladka
New Member
This has been a long battle search for me and my dear friend who was, is a 31 year old man Jayson, both of us suffering from Autism Spectrum Disorder and have been on and off the streets since late 2014. I am in deep sorrow as I acknowledge I have sadly found out on April 13th from one of our acquaintances at the homeless shelter she had heard from another acquaintance he had passed away from a stroke with his brother still at the homeless shelter, which was one of the saddest days of my life. On April 19th, I ran into another acquaintance who asked me if I had heard about his passing and I asked her when it had occurred and after verifying on the phone with a friend, she had told me it happened on March 24th. I wanted to know if she knew where it happened. I was just and still am in utter shock and disbelief. I had called adult protective services on March 31st, something I dearly and deeply regret not taking care of two years ago. I thought maybe one of my acquaintances thought he was gone with the strong possibility of adult protective services taking him under their wing. The reason why I had called adult protective services was because I know that his family has been reported to me by my dear friend Jayson multiple times of unsettling neglect with their undertaking of his disability money while he was barely receiving anything, and his brother physically beaten him up on several occasions...A punch in the face, stomach, chest, been bitten on his spine. No individual, especially those already suffering with their own emotional distresses, should never have to endure that line of abuse. I cannot seem to come to terms his death had occurred before my line of help for him. I suppose it is possible. I thought I had called for a reason. Perhaps if the worst possibility is only a sick nightmare and blessed God it is far from reality, perhaps, and I hate to say it, I must have been too late. I will never forget the last time I spoke to him, I felt the urgency to call him later after my court hearing date for disability, which was March 21st. I could tell he was going through a lot and he really needed me. I needed him too. We both wanted a life together. He never was only a friend to me. I felt deep down I really couldn't do a whole lot for him. I would've at least given him some nourishment. He must have been very dehydrated, and I know he didn't get the best nutrition. I told him unfortunately I still have not gotten approval for disability and I would have to wait a few months to get a verification in the mail. I felt he was waiting for me. He still wanted to see me the following day and he had something to tell me. I may never know what he wanted to talk about. I thought it may have been possible he had known or felt he couldn't hold on much longer. He wasn't in the greatest bill of health either. I mentioned that I truly love and care about him so much...I just felt the financial aspect was going to prevent me from caring for him. I believe he couldn't bare to see me with the idea of us just being friends. It must've broken his heart tremendously. As I type this, a bird is chirping right outside the window of a friend's help that will last for about 4 more days, and then I will need to find elsewhere. Thinking about it, just three days after we spoke on the phone and thinking about our previous conversations about his aunt ending up dying from a broken heart, I feel he may not have only had a possibility of a stroke. I believe he may have also died from a broken heart. I feel this piece of information helps me to cope in dismissing the most awful possibilities I can imagine in knowing he and his brother were always together. The only family he has (had)...(I truly hate speaking in past tense) is his brother and his mom in about her 70s, who stays in an assisted living facility. I feel I need to know for my sanity, if the cause was unnatural. I'm doing everything I can to tell myself I must let it go for now and if I get calls from examiners and/or investigators later, I can rest assure I will be most cooperative and help them come to a devastating, but final conclusion. I had not physically seen him since December 24th in the late afternoon. We ran into each other on December 23rd around 6:30 pm at the Broward County's main library. I just happened to be wrapping Christmas presents for him on the 3rd floor. He had no idea. It was meant for a surprise. I thought that moment was purely miraculous. We just couldn't resist being together. Prior, we hadn't seen each other since July 27th, a day before my birthday (to my surprise) briefly on the bus when we happened to both be on our way back to each of our facilities. Our living situations have truly kept us apart. As we wanted to be there for each other, we knew we would be in a line of potential hurt, not because of our relationship. We have been on good terms for a good year. Having autism and being on the streets dealing with all the elements and distractions can be quite a challenge. We never have been able to move on however. We always ended up falling back together within a few months with our dearest hearts wide open, as if we were never apart. I had called several foundations and corporations and explained my story. I thought there would at least be one association that deals with adult autism that would negotiate into someone's personal story and would do everything possible to accommodate to their needs. I am not the least bit into politics, while I do know that they are cutting on helping those who are mentally ill. I have been in a mental health facility for 16 months, and I felt all it has done was keep me from the one thing that makes me happy and feel a divine purpose. I have had an opportunity to have potentially my own apartment, though I might have needed to share with my female roommate. I do not feel that was my destiny. I was supposed to help this poor man and I swear there should have been means of help for both of us, permanent help. Temporary situations can only last so long. With little help money I receive, I swear, I would've spent every penny to get him out of the death hole he was in. Now he's gone, but he is still in my heart and spirit. I will lay down in peace and contentment when God asks me to take par in sacred bliss in my lost love's magnificent kingdom. Until then, I will keep my Guardian angel in the strong hopes of finally in search of our forever home. Rest in peace Jayson, Lovey Dovey (I called him that a lot, his favorite nickname.) I hope one day you will watch over me in miraculous harmony that we have found the place of undying love and comfort. A big part of me wishes I had seen you. I would have risked speaking with the task force again. I'm sure they would've recognized us, urged them to please assist us in a program suited to our needs. I was in fear in potential disappointment. Times like these could be unsettling with little promise, and it may have been possible I would have been faced with further pain in witnessing you slipping away. I want you to know if I was there, I would have been right by your side holding your hand, never letting go. I have not seen you since late afternoon of December 24th. Our endless living situation has keep us from the love we had needed through the hardest times we have set forth. I hope and pray that on behalf of our suffering, we can find hope for those possibly enduring the same. I will find a place for both of us that will accept both of us. A weekly rate would help me tremendously, although I currently do not have stabilized money at this time. I honestly feel I cannot afford more than $100 a month. However, if I find a place fairly affordable, perhaps $50-100 a week, I will do anything to make us happy. He is still here. He may not be physically, but he is counting on me. He just may have witnessed me sobbing under the clouds who place spirits on higher ground. In his will, I will forsee the light that was lost and may it soon be found. Blessed be.
