Forced March Mode

[Jumpinbare]

In my teens, I learned that people have far more strength than they realize. I had already heard it, but a series of events proved it was true for me. I found that when I thought I had no strength to continue, by sheer determination I could continue what needed to be done. I described this to a few people over the years as "Forced March Mode".

Now that I am retired, and have minimal social interaction, I have recently realized that in order to get through school and career life in a NT world, I had basically been living in Forced March Mode. I "toughed out" my discomforts with crowds and noise. I forced myself to make eye contact, shake hands, even hugging to a point. I saw no other choice. I needed to be functional. To not be a burden. Beyond that, I WANTED the world to be better for my having been here.

I was brutal with myself. For decades. I figured I could do what others did, even if I didn't like it. I needed to just do it. If I had to dissociate much of the time, oh well. Not that I knew what dissociation was for most of my life - I considered it "sucking-it-up". I would have never treated any one else as harshly as I treated myself. I had no idea that I had a valid hard-wired reason for my "weaknesses". I only learned I was autistic early in 2023. I only learned what autism was over the following couple of months.

Of course, throughout history, autistic people became successful by following a similar harsh course. Autism was not only not understood - it was not known. Nowadays, we know about autism. We know our difficulties, and our strengths. We don't need to be cruel to ourselves.

Better late than never, I suppose, I'm making the effort to let me just be myself when I'm out in the world. If people think I'm weird, well at least maybe they are thinking, I guess.

 

[Kalinychta]

Well, if it’s any comfort, NTs do that, too. Everyone’s pretending all the time. Who we are when we’re alone isn’t who we are when we’re out in the world around other people. NTs just seem to be better able to fit in and tolerate it.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I can relate. "Suck it up, buttercup!" "Pain is weakness leaving the body!" "Duty, honor, responsibility, accountability, and nobody cares about your feelings, they don't matter, just do it."

You eventually develop a high tolerance for stress and discomfort and you just keep going.

 

[Aspychata]

Masking, maybe ND have to mask more then NT. I mask way less these days. More of l don't care attitude.

 

[MildredHubble]

I've described my approach as "Brute Forcing" things. Unfortunately I didn't appreciate that some people, not burdened by too much brain, interpret that phrase negatively.

I definitely recognise that "dragging yourself by the bootstraps" mentality. I've "sucked it up", "knuckled down" and "put my back into" so much. People used to refer to me as "The Machine", "The Grafter" or "The Work Horse" at the factory I worked at. Unfortunately though, I think I pushed myself a little too hard and it's caused injuries.

But it is scientifically proven that we humans usually have more "in reserve" than we feel we do. Usually when engaging in physical activity our body is programmed not to exceed a certain level of exertion. It's a survival strategy fundamentally so that we don't consume resources too quickly.

But if you "push through" you may get an extra 10-20% performance out of yourself. But unless you are an athlete, it's not a good idea to be on the ragged edge all the time. Athletes retire often in their 30s, usually because they know it can't go on indefinitely.

Unfortunately the concept of "Forced Marching" or "Brute Forcing" seems to be quite alien to other people, and in particular, some mental health professionals I've dealt with. They simply can not accept that a person could motivate themselves to such a degree that they cause themselves injury.

These days I'm kinder to myself and if people want something to be done by me, they can darned well learn to be patient while I get it done at the pace I can cope with

 

[Cryptid]

I once considered people who enlisted in the military as losers. Then I found myself in a situation of having no home, no family, no friends, and no job. This made me think of myself as such a loser that the only option for me was to enlist in the military.

Best decision I had made up to that point.

Military training and service taught me that I could do any practical thing if I would only set my mind to the task and just do it. I came out of that experience with an attitude of "Lead me, follow me, or get the hell out of my way!" (quote by Gen. George S. Patton, US Army)

I went on to remarry, forge a long-term career, establish a good reputation (and credit rating), and show all my detractors from my pre-military days just how wrong they had all been about me. Then I turned MY back on THEM, and denied them any access to my personal assets, just as they had done to me.

Forced march? Did that. Toughed it out? Did that, too. Brute force? Yup. Sucked it up and carried on? Oh yes, definitely!

Had I not gone through all that, I might still be a whining, cringing loser who was always apologizing for being there.

 

[Au Naturel]

In the military, we had a saying: "Embrace the suck." It has since filtered into outdoor adventure recreation and from there, to the rest of life.

Embracing the suck gets you through bad spots. Sometimes you must embrace the suck, cowboy up, force march, tough it out, or whatever. It is a short term survival mode and not intended to be a way of life.

 

[MildredHubble]

It is a short term survival mode and not intended to be a way of life.

Exactly. When it's become a way of life it's not sustainable and it takes it's toll.

The problem I have is that I personally get rather irritated if people who have rarely had to suffer an inconvenience are giving me a "life lesson" lecture just because finally I can no longer sustain that level of toughing it out.

I just kinda feel like until they have had to crawl through literal rat feces and urine during their working day, they should keep their self indulgent diatribes on "resilience" to themselves.