Found many not Mr. Right. Why?

[Kayla55]

So according to money required to raise kids we live below the cost of living on the female salary, this is more bearable than holding down a relationship with stupid jerks
So for female Asperger's syndrome it's hectic....many women end up holding down relationships worse than jobs. Many undiagnosed females end up having children and getting diagnosed at sons speech therapist. Strange thing is always said there are nice men it's just good one are taken. So where do you meet nice compatible men

In old days to accomodate lack birth control or prevent women being independent the system incl. allowing a man to take over and manage a women's inheritance, hereby stripping her of any claim to work (that qualified for pay) or claims to contribute to systems or inventions.

So in affect the derogatory term prostitute was used as a means of controlling women slaves. It also assumed men were given intellectual status above women and did not force men to earn the title of men. There were gentlemen vs barbarian wars amongst men yet today it seems hard to pick out the derogatory word for NT male behaviour as listed below.

Men by nature behave differently by entitlemt attitudes, at times a man can resort to stealing or using manipulative tactics to exert money from the female. May even select easy targets to rob such as elderly or women.
Another issue is abuse of power in relationships to gain a women's money, so a man believes he does not have to be told by her what to do and once secured money may go on to believe it is his and that he still has selective role in women. This removes females financial security or a loving commitment in a relationship. (Then I've heard men say women don't accept a man for his flaws and even accuse us of inventing concept of prostitution and failing to see that women are subjected to male abuse in most NT relationships and that chances of her having met a compatible partner in autism are rare.
When a man can't look in mirror and accept himself or his female counterpart it makes women quietly unhappy with feelings of not being good enough or subjecting women to hair dye and plastic surgery. As if 'barbie' was only benefit to women, there's little encouragement on other roles.
The belief that all men are more intelligent than women and time spent educating the male or incr. skill to fix cars that isn't really there. TV and society does little to allow people a feel good attitude about specific talents and removing the Barbie trophy and allowing happiness.

Another view into the male psychology is his survival (even when he's not young and gaining experience) so it's about his acquirement, his meal and not wanting to settle down, so for a female who receives signals that he's not settling down or feeding her yet is demanding sex and she has to fight for independence.
The male then believes all he has he earned himself, even if he lived on existing strategy and contributed nothing. In commerce it is spoken of as consumer rights that one company may steal another's customer service as it creates competition. Yet women are never allowed to adapt such concepts in way of actually rating a man as useless and living off society, breeding unlawfully and actually as incapable himself.
So there is no partnership to work together it is even where society allows him to build his finances from women's sweat and blood, and then one day he proposes to the numb female expecting her to jump up and act excited since he now wants to commit for his benefit. So black widow doesn't exist as she sacrifices herself as food for his pathetic offspring....
So until she gets her fair share the black widow was owned by a gay mental closet case who got rich off fashion industry and yet again women owned nothing.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

You make a lot of good points, but I think it's fair to say women do these things as well. Since they are human, they can be just as toxic and entitled as men.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Honestly (and I could be wrong), but I think a lot of people aren't actually looking for their equal, or somebody with the same values and wisdom as themselves. Instead, we ask questions like, "How much money do you make? / What kind of car do you drive?" or say things like, "I can't date somebody who doesn't currently work" and on a relationship standpoint, the latter doesn't really matter nearly as much as the former.

People look past red flags (read as: things that violate their own values) all the time, too. They might say that the intimacy outweighs all of the screaming matches, but which one of those technically matters more? One of them obviously needs to be assessed before it turns into something bigger, as good relationships always need nurturing.

Last but not least, building a solid relationship can take years. You don't just meet the perfect person immediately and everything is groovy all the time. People are more likely to bail on relationships these days, too, because there are millions of other options for them and when you put these ingredients together you get a recipe for disaster.

So are all the 'good ones' taken? Of course not. But you need to know exactly what you want out of a relationship in order to pick a good one, and you also need to be able to nurture it as much as possible. Quite frankly, I don't think a lot of people have 'time' (aka willingness) for it in the modern world, so it's getting tougher to achieve.

And I've said this before on here, but if I hadn't spent the last decade nurturing an amazing relationship that admittedly had those bumps in it originally (and occasionally still does!), I wouldn't do it again. It's such a huge undertaking that (IMO) people are just better off having a lot of friends and not worrying about it. If romance isn't in the cards, just gel with it, it's probably easier anyway.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Kayla55

This is arguably the worst time in human history for every stage of "pair-bonding".

If your question is a form of "where have all the good men (for "serious relationships") gone?", there are useful answers to that. But they're not comfortable answers.

The views you shared in your post aren't consistent with the science.

 

[Cryptid]

The misandry runs deep . . .

 

[Aspychata]

Definitely have noticed the best relationships are the ones that you grow as a couple. I felt l learned so much about myself, l realized that l definitely like a guy somewhere on the spectrum compared to a NT guy. And l definitely like sensitive soul and a music lover type of person. And l also need a very down to earth person who doesn't need to impress me with his car or his Rolex watch. Finally l learned that my boundaries are important to me and l am not sure if my boundaries weren't in place, or l wasn't holding myself accountable.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Cryptid

I see all this stuff as part of a large-scale cultural change that's been developing for quite a long time. It's in a "local peak" right now (probably due to pervasive social media), so visibility is up, and "balance" is down /sigh.

Last night I listened to part of an interview with a guy who studies "the history of human mating ideologies" (a new idea to me, but the first part was very interesting).

It was quite jarring listening to it though.

He feels that the modern narrative abut pair-bonding is a poor match with our evolved mating psychology.
He also says that despondency is a natural reaction to not succeeding on short or long-term mating markets.
Short quote:
"... if you're not able to pair bond your well-being system should go into high alert and let you
know that your strategies are failing"

I wish I didn't keep finding evidence for my statement above about this being the worst time in human history for every stage of "pair-bonding", but such evidence is everywhere.

FWIW I'm not sure either of the "mis-xxxxx" words have a useful meaning any more.
The "Dysfunctional mating environment" has ruined everyone (even the "High Value Men" who look like the only winners are turned into useless humans by "learned narcissism".

 

[kenaij]

Since I`m not a native English speaker I had some trouble understanding some of your points. But I do think I get the gist of it. I have seen posts made by you using the same tone in the past. And your view must probably come from bad experiences. However. Often times I feel your viewpoint is so set. You present it as factual and like something that happens to almost everyone. But in my personal experience the supposed fact that (almost) all males are evil and have ill intent and females have it hard and are victims of males is just not accurate. I come from another country as you so my experience might therefor be very different from yours. For one, in my country in almost any line of work there is factually no pay gap between men and women because your salary is a fixed number for both, and that number is the same for both. In my country, when 2 parents split. It is almost always the male who is worse of because he has to pay the female a big sum of money each month, even if she also works fulltime. When it comes to the children the female is almost always pulling the long straw. I could come up with many more examples but I feel that would be beside the point.

For every bad and ill intended male there is a bad and ill intended female. There are just as many bad people as there are good. I`m sorry if your experience is different, and I hope something good will come your way so your experience will change possitively.

 

[kenaij]

I don't know how it is for other men, but I tried a dating site a few years ago and quickly realized that the bar is set pretty high now. I logged out of that dating site and never went back because I thought to myself that I probably didn't have a chance anyway. I have to compete with a lot of other guys and it's a little difficult to reach up to the standards women want now. I think I'm actually a pretty normal and decent guy, but I don't think I'm good enough. To be mr. Right is not easy these days, it's difficult to be perfect.

You are not alone. This is a very big problem currently. Having many more successful women has made a problem for the dating world. Generally men date at their own 'succes' level and down. Women only tend to be attracted to men who are more 'succesful' than them. So as a women becomes more successful she will keep looking up for a partner.
Ofcourse this is not the case for everyone. And there are many men and women who do not think this way. But when you look at the general psychology of men and women this is the case.

The preference you can place on looks also seem unfair. Women cannot dress sexy but men are portrayed without shirts all the time.

However. If we look from a womens point of view. The same amount of unfavorable points could probably be made the other way around.
Which was my point in the first post.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Many men now-a-days are afraid of women because today's legal and social assistance system rewards women when the relationship goes badly. The way the law is structured, a man has everything to loose, his house, his money, his children, his reputation, and sometimes, even his career. It's a huge risk fewer and fewer are willing to take. Even young couples who do get married are limiting their risk by NOT having children.

As a result, in both cases, men and women, there's little incentive for creating the life skills for obtaining and maintaining a strong, tight bond, learning how to navigate the ups and downs in relationships, how to communicate well, and so on. It's becoming a bit of a lost art. Narcissistic and Machiavellian behaviors are common, especially with the reward system on social media platforms. Men and women are both unhappy, yet there is still a drive for sex, albeit without procreation. There's little incentive for any sort of commitment in todays world.

It's a sad state of affairs.

 

[Masked Man]

Sorry this sounds to me like it's going to turn into another one of those "Who has it worse?" topics.