Friend Envy?

[Gomendosi]

I hope you understand that I don?t mean me or maybe I do, but is it uncommon to befriend someone and then be jealous and untrusting of their other friends?
Is it that we might see their friendships for what they are or are we unhappy that someone else can ?take them away? from us for any length of time?

Weird question I know, although I think you might have some thoughts ; ]

 

[cheetoe80]

for me, it is not common to befriend someone.

 

[Arashi222]

I hope you understand that I don?t mean me or maybe I do, but is it uncommon to befriend someone and then be jealous and untrusting of their other friends?
Is it that we might see their friendships for what they are or are we unhappy that someone else can ?take them away? from us for any length of time?

Weird question I know, although I think you might have some thoughts ; ]

I don't think this is a weird questions at all. But I will explain more in a PM maybe if you are interested. But I think it can be both. I think that sometimes we want a friend sooo badly that we get frustrated and Jealous even if they infringe ever so slightly on expectations we have maybe. Or maybe its that we just don't know how to be friends (I've been told that plenty) Maybe its that we get jealous because for them its sooo damn easy to make and discard friends, that its easy...for whatever reasons and its not easy for us. Its not easy for us at all.

 

[Jessica]

I agree with Arashi222,

I can always remember as a young child getting very angry and jealous when someone would 'steal' my friend. I think it's the fact that I used to watch people making friends so easily and I was always the one who had no one but one friend. I think over the years I've become a lot less jealous when it comes to friends. People usually laugh at everything I say, probably because I always say the wrong things at the wrong times and i'm very awkward and somehow people think i'm 'adorable' I guess I'm like a novelty to them. This is the way I've used my Aspergers to my advantage when making friends although it's difficult to maintain these friends as well the novelty vanishes after a while and they're left with an annoying weird girl. Another thought, because i'm an only child and my Mum has M.E she rarely leaves the house so when I was a child most of my time was spent with her and I always used to start hating my friends when my Mum was nice to them, I'm very protective over my Mum.. I guess she counts as a friend? lol

 

[Arashi222]

I was thinking more about this today while I was cleaning and throwing out things from ex-friends (which kinda felt good and sad to be honest). But I think for me I get envious of them because I want that. I want what they have so easily. I want to fit in. I want to be the one with a few solid great friends that you don't have to worry about being there when the **** hits the fan. I kinda feel as Jessica that at the end of the day all you have left is the weird girl once the novelty wears off or they don't know what to do with you so you end up envious of them because they drop you like a bad habit in favor of their less high maintenance friends. I guess I realized that it might just be an AS thing that we have such a hard time that we hold onto our friends sooo tightly that we get upset and jealous and envious and all those things because we want what they can get so much easier.

 

[Kelly]

Arashi you said everything I was thinking

The last real friend I had she had many many other friends but because her and her boyfriend had just moved near me she wasn't physically close to her other friends anymore (they lived a 2 hour drive away). She had this one friend her 'best friend' who treated her like dirt and I couldn't understand it, here was me doing everything I could to be the best friend possible and yet she worshipped this other girl, she would cry over things her other friend did to her and yet she still thought more of her then me and that enraged me. Even little things like her birthday her 'best friend' got her nothing not even a card, just left a message on her facebook wheras I took months finding the perfect gifts, limited edition me to you bears that she wanted, clothes, we went out for a meal, I spent a small fortune for her birthday and yet still I was bottom of the pile when it came to friends. She only hung out with me because there was nobody else and as soon as she moved back to where all her real friends lived she stopped speaking to me.

 

[Droopy]

@Az83 I hate to say it but it seems like she was using you. I can understand your frustrations though.

 

[kasmanaft08]

I get sort of jealous that other people's friendships sort of bond/go much more smoothly than any friendships with me usually do. In a way it is my fault because of my anti-social moments that are difficult to explain. It's difficult to find people that understand it and generally don't mind.

But back to the topic-

I've never really let an opinions of one person don't especially spread out into a ripple effect for no reason. Then again, it depends how close they are. Even if I don't dislike them- if they're close to a person I didn't like I'd likely- mostly out of convenience or lack of something to say- stop talking to them. But I wouldn't mistrust them or dislike them for no reason. It would just depend what happened and who it was.

 

[Kelly]

@Az83 I hate to say it but it seems like she was using you. I can understand your frustrations though.

Oh yes she most certainly was, but at the time I was so desperate for a friend that I made excuses for the way she treated me an dit was only after she moved away that I started to see how little she really thought of me.

 

[Arashi222]

Also I think we get envious of how easily they seem to forget about you. Like right now with my ex-friend at work I envy how easy it is for her to walk up to the new people and make friends with them and make me look like the stupid dumb one when the new people don't have a clue as to what happened between us or I hope they don't. I was just so envious. I wanted to be able to be friends or at least feel comfy but I can't because I'm too scared of what will happen the next time I get too close. I am so jealous of my ex-friends relationships with the people at work because she keeps taking my friends away from me or at least decent acquaintances. I was the third wheel in her relationship with her BFF who is also no longer my friend. But every time I tried to address it with them...it was the same thing you don't feel that way and we're not doing that...which they were.