friends, when life gets in the way

[JaffaCake]

Just after some opinions about freindships. I'm having a difficult time figuring out what's happening and how to respond. I've been friends with this bloke since school (15 years) at the moment he is my only freind as I've lost contact with other people.

The problem is he has been on/off with a girl for 6 years. He will not introduce her to me (claims she is shy) this I can deal with but it's the fact that he keeps promising to play computer games or hang out - then trys to step around the promise and just says we'll play next weekend when asked.

I'll soon be moving far away and more then happy to be by mayself. I just think it's a freindship of familiarity (turned a little hollow as we're very diffrent people now)

How would you handle this. short awnsers are fine I just need second opinions.

 

[Judge]

Seems to me that's a rather common scenario. The cost of adulthood. There's even a slang term to describe it. Where you went from being a friend to a "third wheel". Meaning your friend found a girlfriend and no longer has time for you. And that it would be both awkward for you and them if the three of you hang together.

I essentially lost my one and only adult friend when he met someone and got married. And like you I moved away. I've tried to keep in touch with him over the years, but it seems he just decided to stop communicating with me.

There's really nothing to handle. You just move on. In my case though in the last eight years I've not met anyone whom I would call a "friend", so I'm quite alone other than coming here to this forum.

 

[Blast off]

This my friend is life unfortunately, people drift apart, especially when you are getting older. I have 1 friend out of many that I still speak to, and even then not very frequently, and I used to have lots of friends.

 

[NeoPhile]

I don't know if your friend even has a girlfriend if you've never met her. I think he just doesn't want to hang out with you, and he's trying to separate from you in the most polite way he can. I would ditch this friendship and forget about it. You said it yourself: you'd be fine alone.

 

[JaffaCake]

@Judge Would you know this slang term out of intrest ?

To both yourself and @Blast off. I'm sorry that this happend to you, losing an old freind, this is something that I'd like to avoid tho. I don't think he knows what is happaning or how isolated I've made myself after returning to my home town. Ending this freindship would be like when George shot Lennie (Film\Book Of mice and men) Sorry shortest way to describe it.

@NeoPhile I think that's a stretch and too many holes would have appeared (I know you're missing context) I do think he's embarrassed of me sometimes tho, especially after meeting his work mates, they joked about me ( I'm straight gender fluid)

@Judge & @Blast off Any word of hindsight or sould I just see what happens and entertain myself ? there's a strong history as we were both outsiders growing up but now have nothing in commen anymore, sorry repeating myself trying to make sense ?

 

[Judge]

@Judge Would you know this slang term out of interest ?

Not really sure what you're asking. It's just a very old slang term- probably older than I am.

Any word of hindsight or sould I just see what happens and entertain myself ? there's a strong history as we were both outsiders growing up but now have nothing in commen anymore, sorry repeating myself trying to make sense ?

I suspect there's really nothing to "happen". Sounds like whatever friendship you had simply evaporated. Sadly I've had that happen a number of times in my life. It's just an aspect of adulthood. People find lovers. New jobs. New places to move to. And a friendship is just plain gone. No matter how much one or both people may have cherished such a friendship.

 

[paloftoon]

There are other people you can slowly build up. Start with an interest group- that's usually the easiest thing. You can relate to people automatically if you find an interest group that suits you. www.meetup.com
If you're living near or in a big city, even better!

 

[Persephone_]

I will leave here my NT 2 cents...

Unfortunately that is quite common. Most people don't understand the value of friendship. But, there is hope!

As other people say, try to meet with people with same interests. Even if you don't build a deep relationship, is good to have social friends.

Specially if you are moving to another country. There are many expat sites (not sure if your case).

Is always good to have someone to talk, even with no deep...

Hope I could help a little! Good luck!