Friendship Advice--Embarassed about a situation

[Arashi222]

Ok I need some advice on friendship. I have an acquaintance at work and there is this guy that I am also friends with (and only want to be friends with) but this girl at work made fun of me in front of him while we were all talking in the break room. See she said that oh he must be blushing or if he was hot and I said (Me noticing he was hot) said oh he's just hot. Now you all know what I meant. She completely started going on and on about how I liked him and all this stuff. Now he has a girlfriend and I actually really like her and he and I tend to have a lot in common. Now here's the tricky part first I'm mad at this co-worker who did this and second I feel all weird now around the guy because I feel like I was totally embarrassed by her making snide remarks about me and him and that how he could ever like me and that I thought he was hot and things, which I don't I just like talking to him because we have sooo much in common.


First is I feel weird around him now but he's acting normal so should I let it go? Am I over reacting?

Second: I am really really mad at this other co-worker. Everyone else at work just says to let it go its just so and so and they're like that. But I'm upset about it. What should I do?:cute:

 

[Gomendosi]

Arashi222, I, weirdly, had a situation extraordinarily similar to this happen to me really very recently, eerie I know, right?
I feel I ruined the situation I was in but, I firmly believe that if he is choosing to ignore the remarks then leave it at that, just act as if nothing untoward happened in the least.
You don’t want to end up in a predicament like I did where I tried to explain things and also find answers and eventually ended up making things so much worse that I had to end the friendship altogether.
Take you lead from the bloke in question, if he is happy to let it all go under the bridge then for your own peace of mind please, do the same.
As to the co-worker that could be classed as simply impish behavior or downright evil, it all depends on just how complicated you want your life to become, personally I would just assume she was trying to be friendly in a way that is foreign to you and see if she is still friendly after things go back to normal or if she continues to mix up your feelings like that, you may have to tell her how this scenario made you feel to begin with.
I am not telling you what you should do, I only propose ideas you may expand upon or benefit from, and hopefully it helps a little.

 

[Arashi222]

Thank you that is very helpful. I'm sorry you had a similar situation. The only thing with the girl co-worker in question is that she does this to me often. I kinda feel like she does it on purpose. I should FYI that only a few people that I am really really close to at work know I have AS. So she doesn't know but she does this to me all the time. plus to complicate it further she's friends with my ex-friend who also happens to be a co-worker. But your commentary does help thank you. I am so unsure what to do. But it makes sense that if (guy co-worker who i am friends with ignored it and treats me like normal (his nickname for me is Geeky Vampire girl and he called me that today so I assume that things are ok...but I still feel weird). I feel like everything is all messed up and all the other people who know me pretty well (but that don't know about the AS can tell I am upset with this other girl co-worker and keep telling me to let it go but I can't because she does it all the time, and not just with this situation, I think ex-friend is putting her up to it maybe...its not beyond the realm of possibility.

 

[NeverEnder]

Thank you that is very helpful. I'm sorry you had a similar situation. The only thing with the girl co-worker in question is that she does this to me often. I kinda feel like she does it on purpose. I should FYI that only a few people that I am really really close to at work know I have AS. So she doesn't know but she does this to me all the time. plus to complicate it further she's friends with my ex-friend who also happens to be a co-worker. But your commentary does help thank you. I am so unsure what to do. But it makes sense that if (guy co-worker who i am friends with ignored it and treats me like normal (his nickname for me is Geeky Vampire girl and he called me that today so I assume that things are ok...but I still feel weird). I feel like everything is all messed up and all the other people who know me pretty well (but that don't know about the AS can tell I am upset with this other girl co-worker and keep telling me to let it go but I can't because she does it all the time, and not just with this situation, I think ex-friend is putting her up to it maybe...its not beyond the realm of possibility.

I have read all of this, and although I do not have direct advice (I would probably feel the same way you do in this situation, actually), I had to comment, I like "Geeky Vampire girl". View attachment 2578

 

[Bay]

Second: I am really really mad at this other co-worker. Everyone else at work just says to let it go its just so and so and they're like that. But I'm upset about it. What should I do?:cute:

If what your coworkers say is true, that the rude coworker is "just like that," then I don't believe that you are being singled out. Is she known for being inappropriate? It certainly sounds that way. If so, it is probably best to let it go. She was this way before she met you and will be this way no matter what. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to discretely practice your eye-rolling technique; not everyone is as grown up as they ought to be. It sounds as though your friend has already figured her out and has chosen to ignore her.

I so sympathize with your embarrassment, and hope that knowing that you have a friend at work helps a bit! I hope that you are able to steer clear of the unpleasant coworker.

 

[Arashi222]

I have read all of this, and although I do not have direct advice (I would probably feel the same way you do in this situation, actually), I had to comment, I like "Geeky Vampire girl". View attachment 2578

Good so I am not alone in my thinking of the situation. Well update is that he's been treating me perfectly normal like today he asked if we could go on break together. I am more upset that the other girl co-worker just rolled her eyes at me today like I was being silly for feeling all weird. Ok...well if you want to call me that you can. Its a good nickname as nicknames go. Plus I like your little icon thing that is bouncing.

 

[Arashi222]

If what your coworkers say is true, that the rude coworker is "just like that," then I don't believe that you are being singled out. Is she known for being inappropriate? It certainly sounds that way. If so, it is probably best to let it go. She was this way before she met you and will be this way no matter what. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to discretely practice your eye-rolling technique; not everyone is as grown up as they ought to be. It sounds as though your friend has already figured her out and has chosen to ignore her.

I so sympathize with your embarrassment, and hope that knowing that you have a friend at work helps a bit! I hope that you are able to steer clear of the unpleasant coworker.

Yah, I think he figured out that I was uncomfortable because I wouldn't look at him and things but he's been nice to me and talks to me all the time. As for the rude co-worker she does tend to be that way...but she is currently friends with an exfriend of mine who I wouldn't put it past her to have this other girl be mean to me. Usually I can steer clear of her its unusual for us to be near each other often but break rooms are small. Thanks for your comments I will ponder.

 

[kg4fxg]

Arashi222

You are justified in feeling the way that you do. The guy probably knows your friend goes too far and acts the way she does and does not take it seriously. So you are most likely cool to continue your friendship with him as normal. The girl at work, well she is a piece of work and I am sure many do not take her seriously.

Here is the problem. I tend to remember everything and you might as well. Many will forget these encounters in 15 minutes. I tend to never forget and over analyze. Another delightful Aspie trait. Express your frustrations here on the boards as that is what they are here for, but I can't offer simple advice like let it go. It is too hard sometimes.

I have always found the way people act difficult, I either want to take everything literally or analyze it to death. In other words, I never will understand why NT's act as they do. Say one thing and mean another. I can blend in well, fly under the radar and appear as an NT pretty good. But the thoughts in my mind are anything but NT. Sound familiar?

And thanks for sharing...

Bill

 

[Arashi222]

Arashi222

You are justified in feeling the way that you do. The guy probably knows your friend goes too far and acts the way she does and does not take it seriously. So you are most likely cool to continue your friendship with him as normal. The girl at work, well she is a piece of work and I am sure many do not take her seriously.

Here is the problem. I tend to remember everything and you might as well. Many will forget these encounters in 15 minutes. I tend to never forget and over analyze. Another delightful Aspie trait. Express your frustrations here on the boards as that is what they are here for, but I can't offer simple advice like let it go. It is too hard sometimes.

I have always found the way people act difficult, I either want to take everything literally or analyze it to death. In other words, I never will understand why NT's act as they do. Say one thing and mean another. I can blend in well, fly under the radar and appear as an NT pretty good. But the thoughts in my mind are anything but NT. Sound familiar?

And thanks for sharing...

Bill

Oh thank you so much. Yah. Sounds wayyyyyy to familiar. I don't understand a lot of things I mean some things with certain people over a long time I start to understand them and only them. But I sit and analyze everything. Over and over and over. I too often remember every little thing that someone did or didn't do or said they would and didn't do. sounds way too familiar. I am glad I found this place. I find that I get more support here in the last few days than I have in most of my life. Yup most of the time I appear normal in fact I have only told a handful of people who work with me on a regular basis and most of these people I've worked with for years. I am trying to act normal around my guy friend at work but its hard because said Co-worker always rolls her eyes at me and makes comments that she's knows I can hear. I understand that I work in a grocery store and that people tend to act like they are in high school still because most of them are but she's not. Ugh...sorry. I just I don't want her to spoil my friendship with said guy co-worker he's really nice and treats me like a normal human being that is a bit quirky( I mean he doesn't call me Geeky Vampire Girl for no reason):cute: Thank yo uso much for your support. I'm sure I'll find out tomorrow if she said anything to him while I was gone (I was off today)