NT_tavbabe
New Member
hi everyone I’m basically here to see if I can get a bit of help understanding a person I’m currently trying to befriend who has Aspergers. It’s a mess of a story and long (maybe you’ll get a laugh outta it, I know I do a bit)
This new guy at my job had peaked my interest being attractive and very friendly and seemingly flirtatious, and so me being the person I am I decided to go after him like a shark after bloody meat. I’d talk to him whenever I got the chance and it was fun, even even gave me a gift and asked me out like twice. In which I responded with a panic attack and asked:
“You’re joking right?”
(Before that he’d been saying things about rules on dating coworkers and how he wouldn’t do that cause he wouldn’t want to risk reputation or anything) turns out my coworker put the thought in his head and gave it steam. By the end of the day I’d told him I’d atleast like friendship and he somewhat agreed and we were back to joking around, I’d talk with him after work while waiting at the door and gave him my phone number and told him to make his own life decisions. He eventually texts me and we hang out like twice outside of work (as a secret) where he told me he only has two friends because everyone else sucks and he was okay with hanging out with me since I sucked a bit less. we would text on talk dayily and junk and I had found myself starting to develop a crush.(I was in a relationship at the time so it really started stressing me out and confusing me, shout out to my therapist.)
I did a lot of thinking and it came to the next time we hung out which was the last time.
Boy did I mess up.
I thought he was into and showed him romantic affection while hanging out not realizing I was making him uncomfortable as hell, it ended with a friendly back pating hug and the beginning of the silence. After that day he wasn’t the same: no more text messages, he’d come by less and less at work to the point where he stopped coming to my area, no real interest in talking anymore. When I asked him about it he kinda laughed it off and said he’s bad at texting and I shrugged cause that’s okay, not everybody is text savvy.
Which brings me to my second goof up.
I sent him a long text message about my feelings and this crush I had on him that I tried to talk to him about in person before and chickened out, I never got a reply and he never addressed it which made me feel like I royally messed up. (THen I kinda binge messaged to see if he read them, he did.)
And finally the biggest screw up of all: I some somehow convinced myself to confront him saying that I wanted nothing from him other than to maybe bang. (Which was a complete lie cause I wanted friendships atleast) that night he told me he was seeing someone and how he has Aspergers, I thought ‘okay he’s trusting me with this information, so he does want to be friends right?’ It’s still hard to catch a conversation with him and he atleast told me he reads my text messages even though he doesn’t reply, and continues to keep his distance. I’ve apologized for what I call ‘inopropro childish idiocy of a teenage school girl’ after doing some research and realizing I’ve been reading him completely wrong and was so embarrassed, kinda just laughed at myself. Sent one last text message last night asking if he wanted to be friends or was he sparing my feelings.
I just want to ask if I should give I up? My therapist says I’ve probably already ruined my chance at friendship and I feel like he’s right, I wish I could understand or just have a talk with my coworker about this but how? As I finish typing this I feel like I’ve lost that chance window, even though now I’m willing to put in any extra effort into this friendship that i probably have to learn about cause I’m not used to this kind of scenario?
Any advice?
;゙゚'ω゚'):
This new guy at my job had peaked my interest being attractive and very friendly and seemingly flirtatious, and so me being the person I am I decided to go after him like a shark after bloody meat. I’d talk to him whenever I got the chance and it was fun, even even gave me a gift and asked me out like twice. In which I responded with a panic attack and asked:
“You’re joking right?”
(Before that he’d been saying things about rules on dating coworkers and how he wouldn’t do that cause he wouldn’t want to risk reputation or anything) turns out my coworker put the thought in his head and gave it steam. By the end of the day I’d told him I’d atleast like friendship and he somewhat agreed and we were back to joking around, I’d talk with him after work while waiting at the door and gave him my phone number and told him to make his own life decisions. He eventually texts me and we hang out like twice outside of work (as a secret) where he told me he only has two friends because everyone else sucks and he was okay with hanging out with me since I sucked a bit less. we would text on talk dayily and junk and I had found myself starting to develop a crush.(I was in a relationship at the time so it really started stressing me out and confusing me, shout out to my therapist.)
I did a lot of thinking and it came to the next time we hung out which was the last time.
Boy did I mess up.
I thought he was into and showed him romantic affection while hanging out not realizing I was making him uncomfortable as hell, it ended with a friendly back pating hug and the beginning of the silence. After that day he wasn’t the same: no more text messages, he’d come by less and less at work to the point where he stopped coming to my area, no real interest in talking anymore. When I asked him about it he kinda laughed it off and said he’s bad at texting and I shrugged cause that’s okay, not everybody is text savvy.
Which brings me to my second goof up.
I sent him a long text message about my feelings and this crush I had on him that I tried to talk to him about in person before and chickened out, I never got a reply and he never addressed it which made me feel like I royally messed up. (THen I kinda binge messaged to see if he read them, he did.)
And finally the biggest screw up of all: I some somehow convinced myself to confront him saying that I wanted nothing from him other than to maybe bang. (Which was a complete lie cause I wanted friendships atleast) that night he told me he was seeing someone and how he has Aspergers, I thought ‘okay he’s trusting me with this information, so he does want to be friends right?’ It’s still hard to catch a conversation with him and he atleast told me he reads my text messages even though he doesn’t reply, and continues to keep his distance. I’ve apologized for what I call ‘inopropro childish idiocy of a teenage school girl’ after doing some research and realizing I’ve been reading him completely wrong and was so embarrassed, kinda just laughed at myself. Sent one last text message last night asking if he wanted to be friends or was he sparing my feelings.
I just want to ask if I should give I up? My therapist says I’ve probably already ruined my chance at friendship and I feel like he’s right, I wish I could understand or just have a talk with my coworker about this but how? As I finish typing this I feel like I’ve lost that chance window, even though now I’m willing to put in any extra effort into this friendship that i probably have to learn about cause I’m not used to this kind of scenario?
Any advice?
![Frown :( :(](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png)
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