friendships

[iamanders]

"I am an aspie and I have met other aspies. One of them said that he has to focus only on one activity in his life. It's like he can only focus on that thing in his life. He talks about other interests as well but seems to only have the capacity to do that one particular activitu. It would be nice to be friends with aspies but they seem difficult (guess I'm also difficult). How do you become friends if both of you have an asperger's diagnosis? Do aspies only want to meet people if they can do activities they like? Do aspies have difficulties with give and take (doing thing just to be with your friend) that is important for friendship? How much should one try to be friend (eg doing things after work or on weekends) with an aspie before giving up (I am talking about aspies who seem to like you)?

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

There isn't only one kind of aspie, so every question you asked, if answered in full, would take a book. Or possibly the entire Internet

So I can only speak for myself. I am interested in people who do the same things that I do, or share some of the same skills, and have matching interests. That, by itself, isn't aspie. That's just being human.

It's the hypersensitivity to stimulus that's key, and the intensity of the response. To be friends with an aspie, you have to be willing to sit out the storm in the boat: when overstimulated, as you know if you're aspie, you go into meltdowns that other people don't understand. As an aspie, I tend to make my few friends with those who don't care if they understand or not; they are willing to accept the fact, because they mysteriously find in me things not easily found elsewhere.

 

[Tia Maria]

Hi! I don't know your age although you do reference working. AsperGirl4Hire made some excellent points above, but for further reference you might want to also check out this introduction post here on AC by a young aspie teen. He talks about his struggles & eventual success in finding friends. Although he may be primarily referring to non-spectrum peers he met through school, he offers some interesting insights. He also mentions a manual by Sean Cooper called "The Shyness & Social Anxiety System" which he used to help him learn how to make friends. Another well regarded book, though not targeted specifically to Aspies, is Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends & Influence People".

Hiya, I'm Jay The Aspie Linguist! | AspiesCentral.com

I'm not on the spectrum so can't offer any specific guidance, but I wish you well & I do believe if you make the effort, over time you will succeed.