From Independence To Moving Back In With Family. Should I Be Ashamed?

[Dillon]

It’s February and I feel like my early adult life is going on a downward trend at the moment that I’m just stuck in what to do. For those who don’t know and just to refresh others memories, I currently live in a small coastal town where I have resided in over the past 7 years having gone to school to complete a bachelors in marine biology and just completing a masters as of May 2023 in environmental management. I had a couple jobs after graduation that allowed me to live comfortably and be financially stable up until I lost my job back in the Summer of 2024 all because I had gotten sick for a month from a ruptured appendix and now from July to today I’ve been struggling badly in gaining employment again while also keeping up with bills and rent. I’ve been living off of food assistance since August which has helped me from going hungry and I’ve been going to food banks to at least help me out. So far to date I’ve applied to over 150 jobs and had 23 interviews and in the end nothing positive happens. Of course with me as an autistic I do not do well in interviews at all and that’s been one of my biggest hang ups these past 7 months. After this month my savings will be gone and I have until February 28th to move out of my place as that is when my lease ends. I can’t help despite living on my own normally and functioning on an independent level for a long time I can’t seem to get it together with employment and I’ve been kind of a mess. I’ve had several depressional episodes that have contributed to this feeling self guilt and blame for the position I am in and I just don’t want to keep going anymore in this adult world. Worst of all I have minimal to no support where I live and barely any friends to talk to. My dog is the only only I have around for support and comfort. I couldn’t help but step outside on my steps the other days just crying my eyes out and my dog laying his chin on my lap and would not leave until I was ok. I hate that my disability is such an impediment on what I’m able to achieve lately

While I have family I can depend on I feel a bit embarrased on having to move back in even though it will be temporary. I’ve created a life and a sense of purpose but now I feel it’s all crumbling away where I’m at a point of having no money, a job nor a home of my own. It was never my intention at all to move back in with family but I feel this will be a safe bet to regroup and go on from there.
Was it probably wrong for me to go to college in the first place, maybe despite having achieved some great things like earning a degree and never really had a supportive system but that’s a whole different story that’s still somewhat connected.

Am I wrong for having all of these feelings?

 

[FayetheAspie]

Moving back in with your parents sounds like it is probably your best option right now. Hopefully you will find employment soon so that you can start back being able to afford rent.

 

[Xinyta]

@Dillon I feel for you. It has to be hard.

But the job situation is largely out of your control. I'll admit that having a issue with in person interviews makes trying to find one hard. The stress is difficult to deal with and no one is perfect. But I wouldn't suggest downing yourself for relying on your parents or going to college.

It's perfectly okay to feel a little ashamed of yourself and feel hurt that things didn't go as well as you liked. It means you know you can do better. That is a positive thing. But don't let it rule you. Life will get better.

Your parents/family being reliable, is good. And sometimes we all need time to reset and step back. This hopefully will be that for you.

Take some time to gather your thoughts and prepare yourself for the next steps in your journey. That's all you really can do.