Frustrated at my communiction skills

[Cosmic Light]

I've grown more and more annoyed over these matters for years, to the point that I am now starting to actually get angry at myself for not knowing these things. Of the many interests and passions I've had in my life, the one biggest one will also be non-mainstream media, broadcasting, and basically anything verbal and creative. I'd love to work in radio, and I've always been drawn to pubic speaking. The fact that I have speech issues has never seemed a cause to stop me, but it does pee me right off when so many people say just go through a therapy program and then go on to try a life so reliant on speech. I think though that they miss the fact that I have AS entirely though because of the little speech thing. I'm posting on here though I don't post much (I mostly just read the forums,) thinking someone here might be able to relate and help me.

I am a YouTube vlogger. I want to be able to turn on the camera and just go. I want to be able to talk with confidence like the great vloggers of the internet world. In my own head I am just a as good as others. But every time things come out sounding awkward. My confidence doesn't show, hidden behind this screen of odd behaviors and speech patterns of AS. If I hear someone say just be confident once more I'd say I'd quit, but I know I won't. I love creative media too much to quit. How can I learn to seem as well spoken and confidant as I feel I am?

I am trying as of the past year too launch my "career" in internet radio too. It's such a competitive market at the best of times, but as odd as it might be for someone with AS I feel ready for the "Big kid's sandbox" so to speak. I can do competitive. Probably because of my AS I learned in life to compete for anything I want and to play hard and to get back up no matter how heard I fall. Recently though, I feel I managed to blow a chance I have been trying for for months to co-host with a far more successful "colleague." I spent a good part of our show trying to say something and realizing I have NO idea how to interrupt someone properly. The other two just conversed without me until it was obvious that no one thought I could do it anymore. This had happened twice. People just dive in front of me and steal my roles right out from under my nose and I can't do a thing about it because I don't know how, and short of losing my temper or seeming too immature, I have no idea how to stop them doing that repeatedly.

All the ideas in the world. As much creativity and willingness as anyone. Confidence and willingness to make a it of a fool of myself just because I can. And not a soul will even see the me that's hidden behind the clueless mess of social lack of grace. I can't give up because expression is my true passion, but I can;t go one for a lifetime like this either. I'll be crushed by life if I can't learn this stuff.

 

[King_Oni]

I don't know if learning those skills like "normal" should be an obstacle.

I don't know how "communication-impaired" you are, but quite often I think, that especially if you're doing things on your own (or with a small group) and as such not as a big commercial enterprise with credentials, demands and a certain "quality", you can make it work in a way it works for you.

And I think there's some point to accepting you might not be as good as someone else in a specific aspect. Perhaps what you lack in communication you make up for say more interesting topics.

It's something I stumbled across when I was in journalism school. Among the first year we had a semester that was all about radio and one that was all about tv. I'm horrible in presenting things in a specified format (and as such what school demanded; there weren't training people to become freelancers, they wanted 13 a dozen radiohosts) I made up for making it more a "me"-thing and as such adressed stuff that was way beyond what other students did.

But I must admit, it is hard to find that way that works for you, but I'm quite sure it's not impossible, especially not if you have some motivation to do X, just think outside the box.

 

[Christian T]

When I did a radio show three years ago I had the same issue of not being able to interject between what the other three speakers were saying. For the first session, I'd only join in if there was at least four seconds of silence, which was obviously very, very rare. However, before the next session my occupational therapist basically told me just to jump in the second I had something to contribute. It's surprising how well that works - it did work for me on the radio show, it rarely works well in class though - and how much NTs aren't offended by these interjections, because their conversations do almost always overlap.

I think it might help us to give you more advice if you let us see or listen to some of your work - if you comfortable, of course - so that we can comment on specific things that you're doing that might be obstructing your contributions from being understood. I might just be speaking for myself here, but I really do think it would be extremely helpful for us to judge what you're doing objectively.

It's up to you, though.

 

[Cosmic Light]

Thanks for the advice and insights, both of you. Thinking out the box is something I've always been good at, (though really I tend to think that thinking outside the box in certain ways is basically a given for us.) I do see too now how I can use out of the box thinking in a way, to get somewhere. Actually, having gotten over my little time of frustration last week, I've started a new media project I've been kicking around for ages now. I'm doing things differently because I simply have little choice and it's actually fun that way. It is hard to find something that truly works for me, and still keeps others interested, but I'm still working away at that.

Yeah, I'm starting to notice now that it was pointed out, just how little NTs seem to be bothered by interjections and politely intended interruptions. I hear people talking to each other all the time and so often it seems crazy to me, the way they just interject, cut each other off, talk at once and the like, only to go back to the original convo with no trouble. But it does seem to work well enough.

I've very recently started to work with two NT co-hosts. It's proving a challenge for me, only because there are 3 of us and so it's easy to fall into the pattern of letting to talk for ages and not say anything myself. But just this evening the 3 of us worked together and it was surprisingly better balanced that I might have expected. It was surprisingly easy to interject, the way I see others do it. Of course they interrupt me too, as they would anyone else in normal conversation. Maybe I've happened upon a team I can work well enough with.

 

[wyverary]

I have a much easier time carrying "natural" conversations when I know the other people quite well. The familiarity helps me loosen up, and I can keep up with the flow fairly well. I'm glad things seem to be working out for you! Sometimes these things just improve with practice; I hope you can continue working with these folks.