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Getting back up after falling hard

T

tommynewage

New Member
I posted this as a reply to another post but wanted to start a new thread if that’s ok. I wasted the past decade of my life. I’m just now getting slowly back to my feet having nearly drowned myself in alcohol and depression. I got into financial trouble, lost my girlfriend of 6 years who I thought loved me but she didn’t. She broke up with me after I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and then blocked me and refused to talk to me, like it was my fault I got diabetes. Lost friends. Just loss after loss. I became a nihilist and was reading Camus and other existentialist philosophy. I was in college but got so depressed and behind on debt that I dropped out my senior year.
Now I’m sober and just trying to stay afloat and am hopeful for once and it’s been a long time since I was hopeful. I had pretty much given up.

After reading several books about autism, I began not to feel so alone. I was diagnosed 20 years ago but never took much interest in my own diagnosis. I didn’t really believe it. But now I do and I think most, if not all of my social problems, employment problems, anxiety, depression, interrelationship problems stemmed from autism.
 
tommynewage said:
I posted this as a reply to another post but wanted to start a new thread if that’s ok. I wasted the past decade of my life. I’m just now getting slowly back to my feet having nearly drowned myself in alcohol and depression. I got into financial trouble, lost my girlfriend of 6 years who I thought loved me but she didn’t. She broke up with me after I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and then blocked me and refused to talk to me, like it was my fault I got diabetes. Lost friends. Just loss after loss. I became a nihilist and was reading Camus and other existentialist philosophy. I was in college but got so depressed and behind on debt that I dropped out my senior year.
Now I’m sober and just trying to stay afloat and am hopeful for once and it’s been a long time since I was hopeful. I had pretty much given up.

After reading several books about autism, I began not to feel so alone. I was diagnosed 20 years ago but never took much interest in my own diagnosis. I didn’t really believe it. But now I do and I think most, if not all of my social problems, employment problems, anxiety, depression, interrelationship problems stemmed from autism.
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I’m sorry that you’re having a difficult time right now and it is good that you are getting yourself back by recovering. Your girlfriend wasn’t worth it. If she broke up with you because of your TYPE 1 diabetes, then yeah…not worth it. Type 1 runs in my family, so I may be a bit more expressive about this but yeah, really sorry that she didnt understand enough to support you. You cant really do much against people’s ignorance. I seem to notice that (I am not diabetic myself just an observer) a lot of people think diabetes = diabetes type 2 and have little understanding about type 1 because of the focus on type 2. You have to focus on Yourself, like you are currently doing. It’s not your fault that you are diabetic. And I’m sorry that you have also lost friends And didnt really have support, especially considering you should have had support for this.

Really good on you for staying sober and keeping going. And welcome to the forum. =)
 
Sorry. Sometimes in our life, we fall into a wormhole that sucks like 5 years of life from us, and then we exit, and realize we fell hard for awhile.

It seems like you are getting back to your roots. The person before you met her. That's who you have to rediscover and move forward.
 
Sobriety is great for embracing your autistic brain! Someone I met here on the forum showed me that and now others have rallied in support because it’s a great bunch of supportive and understanding people here.

Learning as much as you can now and embracing a new understanding of yourself can propel you forward out of these dark years. You are not alone in this feeling. Several of us have pissed decades away, drowned in drugs or alcohol or depression, or simply hating ourselves because we didn’t have the tools to understand better. But it doesn’t mean that we are stuck there and keeping your eyes forward, and looking all around to where you’re at now may help you from drowning in sorrow for time lost.
 
What's most important? No self blaming or going back. Just acceptance of this new and improved version of you. So you just keep moving forward, handle your diabetes the best you can. At the end of the day, you are doing you without a insincere GF to derail you.
 
Welcome. I’m glad you are taking better care of yourself. Understanding I was/am autistic has helped me move forward in my life.
 
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