Getting Defensive

[Withnail88]

Yeah, this is gonna be half rant and half questions/ asking for advice, so bear with me.
Kay so I haven't been here long, but I'm very active in posts about my obsessions: Pop culture, religion, society, music, movies, TV, etc.
It bugs me when people attack my taste or opinion on these things. I feel like most people get defensive and stand up for their tastes when this happens. I just can't do that because I seem to view that defense as a mechanism to change their mind and I know I am not going to be able to do that anyway, anyone understand?
Topics of religion and politics ( unfortunately my two obsessions happen to be the two things that one is told, according to aphorism, that they may not discuss at the dinner table ) are the worst for me. Here I have very strong opinions, but I feel like I cannot defend them because the way I see it, I'm not gonna change their mind anymore than they are mine. It's very hard for me to defend my beliefs in those areas without arguing, so I don't. As a matter of fact, I don't say anything. And I sit there and look like an idiot.
You guys still with me?
The thing is self-esteem seems to dictate that defending oneself and one's opinions is a natural instinct, but it isn't for me I just sit there and take it.
I was just watching Rachel Maddow in the living room when my siblings started making all these stupid ad homonem attacks on her guest Representative Barney Frank ("He sounds funny", making fun of his throaty, lispy, phlegmy timbre). The thing is I can't even begin to articulate to them how ridiculous they are being so I don't. OK, I respect that you don't wanna watch it with me, I'll move to another TV, but you don't have to be mean about it. I got out of the other room when it was over and my brother said something to me; I couldn't hear it but I can only imagine it was mean-spirited, so I said nothing.
But I can't say that. Do you guys understand? Do you have advice? Does this seem like an AS thing? I'm guessing that since it seems to be a problem in articulating personal feelings that I am not alone?

 

[Geordie]

Everybody has their own opinions. Not to worry, no two people are the same

 

[Spinning Compass]

I know where you are coming from. Unfortunately there is a certain mean-spiritedness in American culture these days, and if you don't quietly go along with it you will be turned upon and become the target yourself. I too have learned that in many cases it is best to keep one's opinions to oneself. In many cases, there is nothing you can do or say to change anyone's mind.

 

[Pedro]

It bugs me when people attack my taste or opinion on these things. I feel like most people get defensive and stand up for their tastes when this happens. I just can't do that because I seem to view that defense as a mechanism to change their mind and I know I am not going to be able to do that anyway, anyone understand?

I don't think it should bug you. If people make rational comments on the subject, why not give them a thought!? As Confucius said: "When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." On the other hand, if people just attack your points, perhaps they just felt their beliefs were attacked, and thus felt obligated to strike back. The fact is they're reacting emotionally. You can apologize or not. But do not take it too deep.

I have very strong opinions, but I feel like I cannot defend them because the way I see it, I'm not gonna change their mind anymore than they are mine. It's very hard for me to defend my beliefs in those areas without arguing, so I don't. As a matter of fact, I don't say anything. And I sit there and look like an idiot.

Some people do change their minds. If you have taken the time to think about such important topics as politics, they're probably worthy listening to. You never know who you might reach. On the other hand, do not shut yourself to different opinions. Some of them might be interesting, even if not entirely correct.

As to the difficulty to defend your points without arguing, if you really thought about them, you probably have some rational insights to demonstrate. No need to argue or get too emotional.

I believe there's nothing wrong with avoiding arguments sometimes. They can be quite tiring. So I don't think you look like an idiot just by being quiet. If you allow me just another quote, as Sister Elizabeth Kenny said: "He who angers you conquers you". But if you can't ever stand for what you believe is right, then you need to find build some self-confidence.

I was just watching Rachel Maddow in the living room when my siblings started making all these stupid ad homonem attacks on her guest Representative Barney Frank ("He sounds funny", making fun of his throaty, lispy, phlegmy timbre). The thing is I can't even begin to articulate to them how ridiculous they are being so I don't. OK, I respect that you don't wanna watch it with me, I'll move to another TV, but you don't have to be mean about it. I got out of the other room when it was over and my brother said something to me; I couldn't hear it but I can only imagine it was mean-spirited, so I said nothing.
But I can't say that.

If they were my siblings, I'd just remark how childish they look (perhaps I'd use some stronger language) and keep watching the show where I was. But I'm the eldest, and there isn't much they could do about it. Or could just give it a laugh and keep watching.

Finally, I never pay attention to what people might say behind my back. I can't respect who does that. But if it's a sibling, I wouldn't regard it as mean-spirited. I just wouldn't take it seriously.

My only advice: lighten up.

Regards.