Getting involved in group conversations

[Aspie_With_Attitude]

Have you ever tried getting involved in a group conversation and you were unable to voice your say in this group discussion?

I have uploaded my new video to my Youtube Channel explaining how this may feel trying to get involved in a group conversation and that you feel that you're blocked out without given a chance to express your opinion, share knowledge or just have your say in the group discussion.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes we think differently, we can be more more open-minded and as a result, afraid to voice an opinion in a group setting. We can also say something without thinking it thru, and then we are surprised when others didn't see the context that we delivered it, that part in our brain that doesn't always see how others may misinterpret it.

Sometimes l am just masking and saying such things and it can backfire. So group settings can be interesting if you stay on script.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Personally, I have a combination of issues.
1. I struggle with my timing as to when to jump in and jump out of the conversation. I am either jumping in at the same time as someone else, causing an awkward "stumble" in the conversation,...both trying to be polite with each other, but both frustrated with the interaction,...or someone trying to talk over me and interrupt me mid-thought which just pisses me off.
2. When people do allow me to elaborate,...then it seems like a lecture and not a conversation,...and people simply want out of situation and leave.
3. I get immediately put off by emotional statements during a logical discussion and sometimes I don't hide my facial and body expressions well,...which pisses them off.
4. I use direct language which can be either funny...or rude, depending upon the situation.
5. I either know much more about a topic than the rest of the group, and don't know when to stop talking about it and moving on with the conversation,...or,...I know nothing about the topic and am mute,...and eventually get bored and leave.
6. If I flip into an emotional mood, loosing control of my composure,...the "F-bombs" start spewing out of my mouth and can turn people off.
7. I am an out-of-the-box thinker and will often verbalize ideas that cause people to pause, become momentarily quiet,...then will flip the conversation away from the topic as a means of inhibiting me to elaborate further. It's not that they were "crazy" ideas,...it's just that I read ALOT of information and am typically about 10-15 years ahead of the current standards of practice. Many of my ideas ARE standard of practice now,...just not at the time that I presented them.
8. My verbal skills lag significantly behind by writing skills. I can pause and think through what I am going to write,...but in conversation, I can't do this without someone interrupting me. In fact, I think its part of the reason why I write with those pauses, as well, i.e. "...", also called a "caesura".

 

[Suzette]

My problems are timing and being derailed with interuptions.

I often can't figure out when to add my bit to conversations or how to deliver my comments to encourage further discussion.

A few weeks ago I was having a lovely lunch with friends and conversation turned to movie recommendations. The conversation was fine as I listened to one friend discuss their movie choice. The movie sounded interesting and I said so. But then I mentioned seeing a movie I thought others would enjoy and someone asked me what I liked about it. I answered the question and the conversation died with a hard stop. I felt so embarrassed for killing a decent conversation!

Then there are the interuptions from others.
I don't speak in long winded sentances but, sometimes, my ideas might require a little staging to frame correctly (at least to me). I will have something I want to say but someone will pick up on something that is irrelevant to my point and then others will follow suit.
This is a stupid example, but the derailing I am talking about is kind of like the following example:
For example, I am siscussing mixing paint colors with fellow artists and I have a new color mix I want to share and I say "You know how if you mix titanium white with Cadmium Red Light you get a pinkish hue.."

At this point someone will interupt to tell me I am technically incorrect that mixing those two colors does not result in a pinkish hue and then everyone wants to discuss why I am wrong. But they never hear my point about how you can take advantage of an optical illusion mixing those colors. (That example is complete fabrication to illistrate my point, there is no optical illusion).

 

[abirdinnewyork]

*Agree!*

You help me go back to a group now!

"If you ask me..* sayings..
Made me think of the saying, quote
I heartly take to my heart.

Is that really right? Especially over the web?
Decide what one mean?
Several decided in a group, i must be more wrong than not.

 

[abirdinnewyork]

 

[Owliet]

Yes!

Personally, I have a combination of issues.
1. I struggle with my timing as to when to jump in and jump out of the conversation. I am either jumping in at the same time as someone else, causing an awkward "stumble" in the conversation,...both trying to be polite with each other, but both frustrated with the interaction,...or someone trying to talk over me and interrupt me mid-thought which just pisses me off.
2. When people do allow me to elaborate,...then it seems like a lecture and not a conversation,...and people simply want out of situation and leave.
3. I get immediately put off by emotional statements during a logical discussion and sometimes I don't hide my facial and body expressions well,...which pisses them off.
4. I use direct language which can be either funny...or rude, depending upon the situation.
5. I either know much more about a topic than the rest of the group, and don't know when to stop talking about it and moving on with the conversation,...or,...I know nothing about the topic and am mute,...and eventually get bored and leave.
6. If I flip into an emotional mood, loosing control of my composure,...the "F-bombs" start spewing out of my mouth and can turn people off.
7. I am an out-of-the-box thinker and will often verbalize ideas that cause people to pause, become momentarily quiet,...then will flip the conversation away from the topic as a means of inhibiting me to elaborate further. It's not that they were "crazy" ideas,...it's just that I read ALOT of information and am typically about 10-15 years ahead of the current standards of practice. Many of my ideas ARE standard of practice now,...just not at the time that I presented them.
8. My verbal skills lag significantly behind by writing skills. I can pause and think through what I am going to write,...but in conversation, I can't do this without someone interrupting me. In fact, I think its part of the reason why I write with those pauses, as well, i.e. "...", also called a "caesura".

I feel like I could have written most of this. Also, In group conversations, I can’t keep track of many voices at once and it’s hard to add my own thoughts when it happens to be my turn afterwards. It’s not like I’m not listening but I feel extremely overwhelmed and startled when it’s my turn. Even on one-to-one conversations, my timings can be off. I either interrupt or have long silences. Fortunately, the latter often appears as though I’m thinking deeply, unfortunately the interruptions are assumed to be me being rude. I’m still trying to learn this skill.

 

[Jordy]

I don't bother.

 

[Misery]

See, my strategy is simply to complain a bunch and then leave the room when a group-whatever starts.

Simple and easy, guaranteed to work.

 

[Aspychata]

See, my strategy is simply to complain a bunch and then leave the room when a group-whatever starts.

Simple and easy, guaranteed to work.

Yes, best delivered with a resting witch face. Sometimes this is the easiest way out.

 

[Soleil]

8. My verbal skills lag significantly behind by writing skills. I can pause and think through what I am going to write,...but in conversation, I can't do this without someone interrupting me.

That's definitely the case for me. It doesn't help that I have a hard time being understood when I speak anyways. I don't know whether it's my speech patterns, my volume, or my speech impediment, but it's so discouraging; why say anything if no-one's going to understand me anyway?

Group conversations are even harder. I'm used to waiting my turn when doing anything, but conversations don't really have turns. It's kind of like trying to merge into heavy traffic; if I try to wait for an opening I might be sitting there for a long time, but if I try to just jump in then I can mess everything up.

And that's assuming I know what to say anyways, and most of the time I don't have a clue.

 

[Suzette]

@Soleil
"Group conversations are even harder. I'm used to waiting my turn when doing anything, but conversations don't really have turns. It's kind of like trying to merge into heavy traffic; if I try to wait for an opening I might be sitting there for a long time, but if I try to just jump in then I can mess everything up."

Perfect description!