Getting Older is Lonely

[AGXStarseed]

I came across this video unintentionally, but in some ways I do relate to what is been said in it; pointing out how as we get older some of us (even if we loved/preferred been isolated before) may find the feeling of loneliness creeping back in if there's no-one to physically interact with, especially with the compounding of societal expectations and the feeling of mortality on top of that.

As such, I decided to share this video here in case anyone else resonates with what is said in this video. After all, if some of us are indeed feeling like this, it gives us an opportunity to talk about it and go from there in finding healthy ways to address any issues we may have.

Video Description:
Getting older isn’t just about age, it’s about change, about watching friendships fade, and feeling more disconnected than ever. Nobody tells you how isolating adulthood can be.

I used to think I enjoyed isolation. But the more I pulled away, the harder it became to reach out. The longer I stayed in my comfort zone, the more I convinced myself I didn’t need anyone. Loneliness is a liar.

In this video, I explore how growing up has made me feel more disconnected, how friendships fade, and how I’ve learned to break free from isolation. If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing touch with people, this one’s for you.

 

[Judge]

Isolation to me is always a "double-edged sword". Involving a delicate balance of solitude against loneliness. Where one can occasionally outshine the other, depending on various circumstances.

Though as an American senior citizen I also have to acknowledge that these days I am more focused and deeply concerned about my physical health and economic stability. Far more than to consider the positives and negatives of interacting with others.

I'm pushing 70 and at the moment appear to be dealing with Covid. Companionship doesn't come to mind right now...

 

[Shevek]

We start off naive and curious, trying out friendship with almost any handy peer. Then we find some of them more rewarding than others, and develop deeper, but fewer friendships. As we become specialists in our careers, it gets much harder to find connection on our level of understanding. I started off with the assumption that as a human, I was basically connected species-wide. Now, I know that many humans only recognize a small sub-set of similar people as human. Also, I know much more clearly how I differ from almost everyone. Maybe lonely is so enveloping I can't feel it any more, but I'm reasonably happy just working away on the off chance that someone will get interested in what I've done, which has happened a few times. Another hazard is that past 60, friends start dying, and new ones are reluctant to risk having to lose me.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Balancing the need for solitude and the need for human connection is difficult. I can take people in "small doses", but I also need those "small doses". Nurture plus nature, I am an independent person. I will avoid "dependence" at all costs. "There are no two-person jobs" sort of mentality. You learn new skills, you create tools and intellectual work arounds, but I much prefer doing things by myself. The second person is a distraction and their input is not welcome because I've already planned it out in my head and I don't need micromanaging. People are always in my way.

On the other hand, I enjoy talking with my co-workers, I have my wife, I have my two sons. I might not speak with them as often as I should, but simply being around them is enough for me. I need that, but in those small doses because I will get mentally exhausted with all the talk.

I don't have anyone that I can really discuss things that I am interested in. I spend a lot of time in my own head working things out, planning, doing research, etc. I get up in the morning with "something" to do. I have 5, 10, 20-year goals. I have a lot of drive in that sense. My mind is always in the future. I really don't think of my past. I don't get into my feelings, past drama, etc. That's all water under the bridge and learned wisdom.

Do I "need" people? Most of the time, probably not. Have I ever felt profoundly lonely? Not ever. Do I think about other people? Rarely. Most of the time, people are simply "things" in my way and I don't relate to them, at all. I have always related myself to that of "visiting alien observer", present, but not present, not really a part of this world, but more in a world of my own making.