Getting too attached to people.

[Marcus]

I've had this issue most of my life, and because of it I have lost more friends than I would like to admit.

I think the main reason why I get attached to people is because I'm so astonished by the fact that they want to talk to me or be my friend, and usually after a friendship happens, even though I try my hardest not to dive right in, I can't help but worry about them and constantly wish that I could make every bad thing in their life go away.

I don't know if this is an autism thing or totally normal, but it really does hurt me and I wish I could control it, at the same time though, I don't want to be too distant in any new friendships, they might think I don't care.

I've been told that one of the reasons I get attached is because I have a "very kind heart" but all that seems to do is cause me pain and other issues.

Sooner or later I'm going to have to learn to do better, or I really will end up alone like my thoughts often tell me.

 

[Ambi]

I have struggled with this in the past...I still do in a way, but not nearly as much as I got burned so much and freaked people out and have learned to keep my distance more. It is much easier now that I have a loving and supportive husband.

 

[Streetwise]

I've had this issue most of my life, and because of it I have lost more friends than I would like to admit.

I think the main reason why I get attached to people is because I'm so astonished by the fact that they want to talk to me or be my friend, and usually after a friendship happens, even though I try my hardest not to dive right in, I can't help but worry about them and constantly wish that I could make every bad thing in their life go away.

I don't know if this is an autism thing or totally normal, but it really does hurt me and I wish I could control it, at the same time though, I don't want to be too distant in any new friendships, they might think I don't care.

I've been told that one of the reasons I get attached is because I have a "very kind heart" but all that seems to do is cause me pain and other issues.

Sooner or later I'm going to have to learn to do better, or I really will end up alone like my thoughts often tell me.

Adopt two cats they will play with each other if you can't manage to and cats teach you how to behave I have learned that

 

[Coupe]

I can relate to becoming very attached to people and wanting all the best for them because you care about and value them so deeply. In my case, however, I've had to learn to not become attached to people. It just hurts that much more when they do leave, or decide that I'm more trouble than it's worth or I'm not useful anymore. IDK, it's just gotten to a point where social interaction is just painful, confusing and unfulfilling for me all around.

 

[Suzanne]

Same!

I used to panic more though, if someone seemed to like me. I found it exhuasting, to think that I had to keep up the role, because surely if they knew me as me, it would be different?

Even when someone seems to want to talk to me, I go overboard, because I am astonished that they find me interesting enough.

It is hard to acknowledge the way I feel about me, is often not the way others feel about me.

Recently, I was called beautiful by this lady and it astonished me and when I looked in the mirror, I thought: in the eye of the beholder obviously.

 

[ksheehan88]

I've had this issue most of my life, and because of it I have lost more friends than I would like to admit.

I think the main reason why I get attached to people is because I'm so astonished by the fact that they want to talk to me or be my friend, and usually after a friendship happens, even though I try my hardest not to dive right in, I can't help but worry about them and constantly wish that I could make every bad thing in their life go away.

I don't know if this is an autism thing or totally normal, but it really does hurt me and I wish I could control it, at the same time though, I don't want to be too distant in any new friendships, they might think I don't care.

I've been told that one of the reasons I get attached is because I have a "very kind heart" but all that seems to do is cause me pain and other issues.

Sooner or later I'm going to have to learn to do better, or I really will end up alone like my thoughts often tell me.

I am exactly the same. I have maybe 3 people I can truly call friends, one of whom is also an aspie, and they three put up with my over eagerness and accept it. Other people get freaked out by it. Tbh, I am happy with who I have, and feel no need to have more people.

 

[Streetwise]

Same!

I used to panic more though, if someone seemed to like me. I found it exhuasting, to think that I had to keep up the role, because surely if they knew me as me, it would be different?

Even when someone seems to want to talk to me, I go overboard, because I am astonished that they find me interesting enough.

It is hard to acknowledge the way I feel about me, is often not the way others feel about me.

Recently, I was called beautiful by this lady and it astonished me and when I looked in the mirror, I thought: in the eye of the beholder obviously.

Suzanne what you experience when somebody will listen to you is the excitement part of panic, I didn't know excitement was a part of panic but my CPN said yes it's part of panic

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne what you experience when somebody will listen to you is the excitement part of panic, I didn't know excitement was a part of panic but my CPN said yes it's part of panic

I know it is panic, because I rush my words and can feel my heart beating faster.

 

[ksheehan88]

I know it is panic, because I rush my words and can feel my heart beating faster.

Yeah I get this when I get excited about things... I never thought of it as related to panic, but now its been mentioned I get the link.

 

[dragoncat16]

I often attach to people who are nice to me. Everything goes fine until someone more interesting (i.e. anyone else) comes into the situation and then I am dumped like a forgotten piece of garbage as if I was never even there.

Most recently, I thought one of my work colleagues was my best friend, and then I found out he was badmouthing me behind my back in order to make me lose my job (which he succeeded in doing), and he had been doing that for over a year. There is a video (that he didn't realize was being recorded) in which he is heard to say terrible things about me, and then when I walked into the room he greeted me in such a friendly way, it sounded as if he had been looking forward to seeing me all day, just minutes after he had ripped me apart. It's not as if that was the first time something like that happened, but usually it doesn't get recorded.

I don't think I can ever trust anyone again. It is so lonely and painful living my life, but the alternative is being burned again and I don't think I can take that.

 

[Bella Pines]

I try my hardest not to dive right in

Yep, same. If I notice someone or find them interesting, I want to know everything about them, their history, their interests, I want to connect. But I don't see it as a bad thing, but I do try to dial it back so as not to worry the sheep. I suspect it my be an autistic thing. The ultimate irony is that if other aspies treat me with the same intensity, I tend to back away!

I can't help but worry about them and constantly wish that I could make every bad thing in their life go away. I wish I could control it, at the same time though, I don't want to be too distant in any new friendships, they might think I don't care.

I agree, but it's an unfortunate fact of this life that you can only support them and help if they ask for it, but they have to own their own problems. Sometimes people need drama and even resist their problems being solved. I think the black and white, all or nothing thing is autistic too. I oscillate between too much and too little. I did wonder if I was a control freak at one point, but I don't think I am, I think I just see things that people don't want to see or admit. The difficulty is accepting that and letting them live their lives, even if they are driving toward a cliff edge. It's their car.

I've been told that one of the reasons I get attached is because I have a "very kind heart" but all that seems to do is cause me pain and other issues.

Sooner or later I'm going to have to learn to do better, or I really will end up alone like my thoughts often tell me.

And at this point I disagree, sure you can smooth the edges, not oscillate, dial it back, but there's nothing to improve on. Wanting them to be happier is not a bad thing. You won't end up alone, there are always pets of classes or hobbies or some networking group to make new friends in. And then in times of absolute desperation, there is always us

 

[watersprite]

Same for me. Not sure whether it is an aspie thing, but I've always found I have little control over that dial.

My interest and focus on a person seems to go from zero to 100 with not enough control, not enough settings.

It can be exhausting.