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Gift Giving

cosmicfox

cosmicfox

sleepy
I'm not a fan of giving gifts, I'm not sure why. It feels like a pressure to give someone something. I rarely give gifts, but when I do it's mostly for a friend.
But now that it's almost Christmas, I have to guess on what my own family wants. :/ My mom gave me money to get gifts, but now I'm wondering why she didn't just buy the gifts herself. I think she wants me the one to be giving them but it feels so...idk. Disingenuous and forced. If I want to give my dad or mom or whoever a gift, I would. But I don't like this pressure. Most likely outcome is that I'll just suck it up and buy them something. What else am I supposed to do.
 
As a family, we've all agreed that gift giving is for the kids, 18yo and younger. Otherwise, it's more about getting together and sharing a good meal.

My wife and I do not exchange gifts for birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries either. If there is something we actually need or really want, we just go out and get it whenever. We do make a point of spending quality time with each other though.

My wife knows if I spend a penny, so there's no surprising her with any sort of gift, as much as I would like to.
 
When totally stumped I often fall back on gift cards. Its not bad if you can figure out a store or food place they like .
 
I'm much more comfortable giving gifts than getting them. That said, it's still tough figuring out what to get. My family has started making wish lists, with the understanding that it doesn't mean get everything on the list - just pick a thing or two. That makes it so much easier.
 
Technically, I like giving gifts, once I figured out what to get people. I have an incredibly hard time thinking of something, though. It seems like the pressure of finding a gift plays a role in this difficulty, because I am much better at helping someone else find a gift for someone, than if I'm the one who needs a gift for someone.

Each year before birthdays and Christmas, I get really stressed out about the gift thing, and I keep procrastinating it, as I do many things. In the end, I often choose nice presents, and once I have them, it's no problem at all. But finding something is really hard.

I also have a really hard time coming up with ideas for gifts for myself. My dad asks me each year what I would like, and I can never say. It makes me feel very uncomfortable, like I "demand" something - just get me what you'd like and what you find suitable.
 
I always had issues getting my wife stuff or her me. We have a small house, So we decided, buying stuff we rarely use is cluttering the house. Lets stop exchanging gifts. Just kids grand kids, and weddings.
 
Gifts are always hard. Mostly I try to remember that it's the thought and gesture that counts the most, so if you miss the mark... at least you tried :D

Also, if someone has missed the mark for you but you still greatly appreciated their kindness, it's kind of worth it to consider that they'll likely feel the same way regardless. You know, unless they're a genuinely mean person or something.
 
I hate rituals forced by societal expectation. I'm also quite stingy (but can be just as wasteful - one of my numerous dichotomies). No one expects me to give them anything, which is perfect. Sometimes I'll see something that a relative would like and give it to them - not on a birthday or holiday. I'll also slip some cash to my siblings, who are raising families on tight budgets - either just handing it over or saying something like, "I'm sure that you can use this."
 
I gave it some thought, I think I have a sore spot about gift giving, because my mom is always buying me and my sister gifts that we don't ask for and then she gets mad at us for not appreciating her efforts and guilt trips us. She's always been like this and has a problem with spending money. I guess I would feel more comfortable giving gifts if it wasn't pressured by my mom, that she drilled into my head that gifts are "mandatory." I'll just ask what my family wants and get them it.
 
cosmicfox said:
I gave it some thought, I think I have a sore spot about gift giving, because my mom is always buying me and my sister gifts that we don't ask for and then she gets mad at us for not appreciating her efforts and guilt trips us. She's always been like this and has a problem with spending money. I guess I would feel more comfortable giving gifts if it wasn't pressured by my mom, that she drilled into my head that gifts are "mandatory." I'll just ask what my family wants and get them it.
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Your mom is always buying gifts for you and your sister? Isn't that nice? 🤔 A lot of people would be very happy to have a mom like that.
 
Forest Cat said:
YourYour mom is always buying gifts for you and your sister? Isn't that nice? 🤔 A lot of people would be very happy to have a mom like that.
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My mom is just trying to make up her wrong doings that she did when raising us by getting us gifts we don't want instead of taking responsibility and getting help herself. I don't want gifts i never asked for. And sure, if you want a mom that emotionally manipulates you, I'd rather have a different mom.
 
I also struggle with giving gifts! So much stress/pressure.

I also struggle with receiving gifts, it makes me anxious. I think because I have to quickly mask surprise/excitement over whatever the gift is
 
Trying to find just the right gift for a particular person...always an agonizing experience for me. :eek:
 
Judge said:
It shouldn't be so stressful...and it's not even the sort of thing I like to admit to, but it's true.

My bad...:rolleyes:
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This is the sort of thing though you won't likely find in professional medical websites about autism. ...lol. Though whether it really does reflect an autistic trait I have no idea! But is always amusing to find others with the same "eccentricities" others have here. ;)
 
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