Going back to school...sort of

[Ronin82]

I'm supposed to go to security school next week, to get my state licensure for levels 2, 3, and 4, as well as training in hospital and health care security. Problem is, I've had 2 meltdowns in the last 2 days due to the stress of going to a school I know nothing about, having no communication about what to expect, and not really knowing how things are going to go. The excess stress has caused sensory overload to the fullest measure, and just going grocery shopping leads to meltdowns when I get home...this makes me wonder how I'm going to handle this 2-3 week school? To top it all off, I'm going to have to miss some afternoon lectures, so its unclear whether I can make those up later, or will have to wait on my certification until I CAN take those lectures! One of the reasons I'm missing an afternoon is because I have a Social Security Disability Claim assessment at a doctor's office, and can't reschedule that!

I'm going to go to the school and see how far I get, but a big part of me wonders if I'm too non-functional to do this job, too. I can barely leave the house right now, but that's just because I CAN'T leave the house due to no job. Do you think the school would offer special accommodations, or should I just suck it up (since this field is very tough about mental health stigma), get my certs, and fall apart when its over like I usually do? Even worse, I'm gonna have to skip my weekly therapy sessions due to the schedule...

 

[Judge]

I'm going to go to the school and see how far I get, but a big part of me wonders if I'm too non-functional to do this job, too.

Consider the job itself- far beyond going to school, getting all the certificates, and most importantly, getting the job. Private security work can be very mundane for long periods of time. Or not.

How are you going to feel about the eventual, and inevitable situation where you must physically put yourself at great personal risk to subdue someone with criminal intent? In that instant, are you prepared to "step up" and do such a job, or do you suspect you might have a meltdown if such a situation were to occur?

I once applied for a job as a police officer. I too at the time was most concerned about getting a job more than anything else. But I had no particular background in law enforcement other than undergraduate pre-law, and was competing with people who had two and four year criminal justice degrees. Some even already had POST certification. I did ok in their four hour academic and physical exam, but it wasn't enough to be initially selected.

It took me some time to reason with myself that I was NEVER right for that particular job. No matter how interesting it seemed at the time. That such jobs are potentially just too dynamic with the public for me to handle. Long before I discovered I was one the spectrum of autism.

These kind of jobs aren't for everyone, with potential social interactions with total strangers of the worst kind. And you're stressed out about just going to school?

I suspect you already know the answer to your question. Where you must use your self-awareness to your advantage. It may not lead you to such a job, but such an experience might serve to steer you in a better direction.

 

[Ronin82]

I already know this job won't last long, I tend to either OVER-react to someone getting physical with me (Martial arts training), or UNDER-react to keep from doing something stupid. I know I'm not cut out for this if I get a job in a tough area, but something generally easy shouldn't be too bad. I know, one can never tell in this line of work, but I tend to vacillate between craving an altercation, and fearing one.

The worst part of it is, this is being paid for by the State, so if I don't make it, I may not get to keep what little money they are sending me. This is a stop-gap measure for a paycheck until my disability comes through. I hope I can get a job maybe with an armored car company, I'll guard stuff with my life...as long as I don't have to drive the truck, that's the best job for me to have...very little real interaction with the public, just drop off/pick up and go!

 

[Judge]

I already know this job won't last long, I tend to either OVER-react to someone getting physical with me (Martial arts training), or UNDER-react to keep from doing something stupid.

Clearly it sounds like you'd be better optimizing your best resources in another line of education and work. You've convinced me, but now you must convince yourself.

You might also consider googling armored car fatalities in Texas. There are other risks besides robbery to consider. (I used to underwrite workers compensation insurance.)

Too Heavy To Bear: How the Armored Car Industry Leaves Workers Unprotected

Probably not what you want to hear in the short run, but in the long run this may be just another "bullet to be dodged" in hindsight. Where you may reflect that not all lost opportunities are a bad thing.

 

[Ronin82]

Ehh, I really don't care about not dying...I just don't want to cause someone else to die needlessly. I know something else would be better, I just don't know what's out there, or what I can do. I've been stuck under a rock for too long. And the state wants me working ASAP, so they won't let me have time to find answers. I'm literally a week away from having to beg for spare change at intersections, so if I can just keep something easy for a few months while disability gets approved, then I can go back to finding out what I can do. Its not like I'll be working full time in any case, I can only do part time no matter what job it is...

 

[Judge]

Have you ever considered a job counseling program? Where you're assessed and tested to see what jobs may best work for you.

Beyond that the only thing I can suggest is moving forward as planned even if against your own instincts, but thinking about everything only in terms of the next 24 hours each day. It helps mitigate the stress of life when things may seem overwhelming.

 

[Ronin82]

I think job counseling is somewhere in the program I'm in, but not too sure right now...the communication has sucked.

Yes, one day at a time is the only way to get through...as long as the whole "going back to school" thing doesn't trigger my PTSD, which it already seems to be doing...lovely.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I would say do it. You'll kick yourself if you don't. At least if you give it a shot and it doesn't work out you'll know that it isn't for you. ***** footing around the ifs and maybes won't help.

Schools should and will offer accommodations I implore you to seek them out and get what you need in order to thrive before you start.

 

[Judge]

I think job counseling is somewhere in the program I'm in, but not too sure right now...the communication has sucked.

No, I meant a job counseling program in general that isn't pertinent to any one job. The kind of program that allows you to formally research your own aptitude and learn about jobs you may not even know exist. I went through such a program through UC Berkeley.

Though these days I suspect some programs come at a cost rather than gratis.

 

[Ronin82]

Yrah, the state is paying for about a dozen sessions with a Psy. D for.....we don't really know. I told her I wanted to do career counseling, but I think she's more for work-transitioning...we're all confused about what the state program is expecting from us....