Going silent, and later emerging from it - or not : )

[Chance]

I tend to get in these places in life, where I don't want to communicate with mostly anyone.
Its like at times its all meaningless, pointless, and more effort than the energy I have to expend to deal with it.

Luckily, I am a really quiet person in real life, so its not like there is some huge shift when I do this. I never stand around chit chatting with anybody. It basically makes my skin crawl because its only minutes before the conversation takes a turn into a place I don't want to be a part of. Someone will start talking about someone else, or griping about stuff... I don't like being all tangled up in the drama that people can spin off on so fast my head can spin. Mainly because I suck at the conversation thing in the first place and I don't go around looking for something to gripe or gossip about.

I have been in silent mode (mostly) for about 2 months now, as a kid this went for years at a time. I never feel I miss out on anything, sadly I actually kind of like it.

People are still crazy, and filled with drama and its right there as soon as I pop back into this scene we call LIFE. Of course if a person asks me a question, I answer, but thats all I do. I put NOTHING more into communicating than that, and I care nothing about striking up a conversation with people... and it makes me feel like a jerk at times.

I got text griped out today because I don't like wasting my life having some text conversation. I see it as a huge waste of LIFE. I see texting as ask a question... get (or give) an answer... end of story, but others do not see it like that.

I look for ways to interact, but it never fails that I see it mostly as pointless. I guess I think in such a different way from "normal" people that I sort of see through their babble, and see there is nothing there anyway that is of substance????... and then I don't even know how to respond to that...

Wow, this is way harder to express then I thought it would be. So, I guess I will see if anyone can decipher what I am failing to get into words here... and to wonder why I would rather just say nothing at all.

Sometimes it like words just don't say what I want them too. : )

 

[MrSpock]

Maybe there's something you're trying to get across and failing to, if that's the case it makes sense that I would be unaware of it. But your post seemed rather straightforward and relatable to me, even though I've not gone for more than a week or so like that myself, and no more than a day for many years.

Talking to people without really discussing something worthwhile can be a great deal of work, and it's discouraging to think that it's necessary because others will misinterpret the exhaustion as hostility, two very different feelings.

There isn't a point in talking without a common frame of reference (at least for me, directly) but others can talk away without caring to establish whether there is a common frame of reference or not. Strange that they would be so careless of something and at the same time take offence to another who would decline to engage in it at all. I would only care about someone else's lack of attention to something if I thought that thing worthy of attention in the first place.

I think we're on the same page here... ?

 

[Pats]

I hate small talk. To me it's a total waste of time. I feel like the purpose of talking to someone is to get to know them and there's some people I've been acquaintances with for a couple years and still all I know about them is that they don't like hot weather either. Others, if you get past the small talk go on to the subject of other people. and sometimes I'm not sure they even realize it. It's very hard for me but I get myself to go to church MOST Sunday mornings and it's exhausting. Sometimes I leave slowly and just smile as people talk to me. I do have 2 'go to's' - "Are you keeping warm/cool?" and "I'm good, how are you?" After that I'm lost. Other days I can't get out of there fast enough. Don't get me wrong, these people are very warm, caring and genuine people and some will ask about my kids or my last trip or something that is common knowledge about me. They are trying and that's why some days I try hard back - because I do care about them.
I also go through periods of time that I'm quiet - I've always called it my hermitting mode. I'm not afraid of talking to people or seeing people, I just don't really want to. I've had my phone number changed to stop getting phone calls from someone who calls and can't stop talking and try to avoid them so they don't ask for my new number. And I've gotten pretty good at fake laughing, when I know someone thinks they're being funny but I don't so I laugh so they'll think I'm paying attention.
And I actually remember the very moment that I learned that asking questions makes the other person feel like you are interested. The majority of the time I just don't like to talk period.
Talking to people may be one of the hardest things we have to do.

 

[Thinx]

I like to observe and enjoy watching the interactions of others sometimes. Joining in is more challenging in groups and I do better in semi structured situations where there is turn taking or where my views are sought. Also in such situations usually we'll be there for a reason, even if it's for reflection and self examination and understanding - counsellors tend to do that in groups.

It's partly the challenges of knowing when to speak but it's also that I don't seem to need to assert an ego, and a lot of conversation does seem to be people asserting their presence, in varied ways. Live and let live, and maybe as neurodiversity is better understood our relative silence and lack of need to assert our being through statements will become more accepted.

 

[Progster]

I go through periods of not talking to people beyond the bare essentials. I remember when I was about 14 I went through about 6 months of not talking to anyone unless I had to, the psychiatrist said that it was 'low mood' but it was more than that. And now, I don't talk to people unless it's for a specific purpose. If my partner ever phones someone, it takes him 10 minutes to go through all the small talk and get to the point! I don't like small talk either, it drives me mad when people don't get to the point. I also don't see the point of superficial, casual social interaction and superficial relationships - I want my interaction and relationships to be meaningful.

@Chance , I'm curious, why do you always capitalize the word 'life'?

 

[SusanLR]

I always feel a bit self conscious out in public places such as when I have to go shopping as I never
say more than I have to. There's the old eyes diverted trick also when people are standing close around me.
Still I enjoy watching how others interact. I see much of human actions when sitting at the mall.
I never intitiate a conversation when around other people, but, will answer if they start talking.
Most of it is just societal chit chat anyway.
Sometimes someone has a common interest and I find it refreshing to talk with them.
But, I still feel awkward with the typical " Hi how are you?" replies.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I go through periods of not wanting to communicate with people beyond the absolute necessary. I think of it as my social battery being warn out and needing a few weeks to recharge.

 

[Chance]

@Chance , I'm curious, why do you always capitalize the word 'life'?[/QUOTE]

I do it as a form of respect... its just a feeling I get when I write that word and other words... Its mostly automatic according to the context it is used in. Maybe its from a deep respect of this time I have been given. Sort of like a silent marker of reverence, just as I would do the same for GOD, SOURCE, The DIVINE, ALL THAT IS, etc.

I believe that words have power beyond what we can even imagine, and most of us never notice near the power that our words carry. If I scream out in words of anger... I (without asking) just asked for more anger.
If I speak out in words of reasonability, (without asking) I have asked for more peace and balance in my LIFE.

Conversation has always been a struggle for me and this might even be why!!! I get so easily lost in the words themselves and the values, or debts they carry that I cant focus on how to carry on a normal simple conversation at times. I literally see words on this scale in my head (like a battery meter)... Some are good, some are so-so, some are LIFE suckers.

I tend to observe people and the words they use, more than wanting to just rattle out words myself.

I'm sort of like the silent word wizard guy... I can see words, smell words, feel words, we all can, but I guess its all amplified in my situation. : )

Words are important to me... In all of history there are stories of what we say, becomes what we are. Even the thoughts in our mind are just silent strings of words. When those word choices (good or bad, respectful or ungrateful, angry or hateful)... they become the actions we take... in that our true self exposes itself.

If a person goes around spewing disgust and hate... That person is exposing their own self hate and disrespect for the LIFE they were given. If a person goes around saying I am broke, sick, poor, hurt, etc... Their life is an exact mirror to what they say. If a person is overcoming stuff and expecting better things... better things usually always find that person. This is LIFE (to me) and its not something I have ever taken lightly.

Just like LIFE... I AM are the 2 most powerful words in existence. How we use them are a blessing or a curse. I am very cautious in how I use those two words. : )

I AM tired... good here is more tired... I AM stupid, good here is more confusion... I am ugly, well we will never see the beauty if we cant respect the meat suit we were given. I AM able, safe, etc opens doors that stay shut for the masses. Its all about HONOR and RESPECT, mostly.

The word LIFE is simply the silent compilation of my respect to ALL THAT IS, for letting me experience all the crazy stuff, and the good stuff that I get to sort through and find who I really am...

Cap words are not me "screaming" in my case, like others tend to claim...

Its mostly always a way of showing respect, just one of my countless weird quirks. : )

Maybe you sort of found one of my biggest issues with talking... I pay deep attention to the words people use (if my ADD isn't off the rails and I'm not off somewhere in Neverland)...

 

[Chance]

I always feel a bit self conscious out in public places such as when I have to go shopping as I never
say more than I have to. There's the old eyes diverted trick also when people are standing close around me.
Still I enjoy watching how others interact. I see much of human actions when sitting at the mall.
I never intitiate a conversation when around other people, but, will answer if they start talking.
Most of it is just societal chit chat anyway.
Sometimes someone has a common interest and I find it refreshing to talk with them.
But, I still feel awkward with the typical " Hi how are you?" replies.

I like what you say. IF a person was to come up to me and want to go off into a very real, deep, meaningful conversation... Suddenly I can/would sit there forever basically and just soak up all that is said.

When I was a kid, I was often around much older wiser people... Not that they were all positive. When they spoke their words seemed to at times carry a weight of wisdom. Today I cant seem to find that... I just see people babbling and most of it is more like puke than words... : )

 

[Chance]

I go through periods of not wanting to communicate with people beyond the absolute necessary. I think of it as my social battery being warn out and needing a few weeks to recharge.

I need a mental booster pack, but I haven't found on on Amazon or Ebay yet... : )

 

[Progster]

Cap words are not me "screaming" in my case, like others tend to claim...

Its mostly always a way of showing respect, just one of my countless weird quirks. : )

Thank you for explaining

 

[Peter Morrison]

I get very tired of meaningless social interaction. I end up pulling myself away from initiating contact with people due to feeling overdosed on trivial information and stories akin to gossip. As in my youth, I am happier with a project or hobby that allows me to indulge my OCD in a way that makes me happy. If anything important happens in the universe, I know I'll hear about it.

 

[OkRad]

I've done it. It ends badly unless you keep it up. You can't go back either from talking or not talking. People form opinions quickly. Even if you know you are xyz your whole life and try to hde it
If you live as xyz, people just think you're in a phase! Ask anyone who came put as atheist or vice versa. No one will believe it unless you start over!

 

[Sid Delicious]

"I tend to get in these places in life, where I don't want to communicate with mostly anyone.
Its like at times its all meaningless, pointless, and more effort than the energy I have to expend to deal with it."

Yes, I think a lot of people go through this at times. Unfortunately, it's more obvious with me as I'm usually quite a chatty person around most people and they do tend to notice and get offended. I had a rough four years and all I did was work, come home, and ignored everyone else as much as possible. It doesn't happen very often with me though. It takes a lot to put me in a bad enough mood that I want to lock out the rest of the world. But when I am in a bad place, I don't like making other people around me angry/upset too, so I end up isolating myself instead. It's also partly because when I'm in a bad mood, my tolerance for ditzy people completely flatlines and I lose any patience with inefficiency. Then I feel guilty for getting annoyed, so try to avoid those people completely. I'd avoid myself when I'm in that mood if I could!

 

[Chance]

I've done it. It ends badly unless you keep it up. You can't go back either from talking or not talking. People form opinions quickly. Even if you know you are xyz your whole life and try to hde it
If you live as xyz, people just think you're in a phase! Ask anyone who came put as atheist or vice versa. No one will believe it unless you start over!

Its odd, that I mostly genuinely enjoy the "not being like them" thing. In my case its not a stunt, or a way to attract attention... That is the very thing I don't want. I truly don't want peoples attention. I'm not looking for their approval, or for them to follow me in some weird way. My being really quiet is actually a better option than me speaking (at times).

I'm not sure if its Tourettes sort of changing as I get older, or if I am more aware of the energy I save from just keeping my mouth shut.

I also think its a way that my body copes with stuff. I don't ever have outbursts or meltdowns. I have always just been one to shutdown... Hence this is why its not like I have done some a huge change. Its just lasting really long, and I'm not sure if I have made some unconscious decision to just be mostly silent or what.

I am at the point I try to avoid any type of conversation. At work I get there before everyone. Leave nice easy to do lists for everyone and go on my way. Unless there is a problem I may never say a word all day, but mostly I have it set up to where I am off by myself, so that helps me very much.

I have tried so many times to be sort of conversational and it just usually turns into something I regret.
I'm not stupid or anything like that... But I can act that way so easily. Its like my vocabulary goes into scramble mode. Something glitches and I'm suddenly grasping for words, forgetting information I know inside and out and so on... I get so angry at myself on the inside, I guess I might look sort of angry on the outside (and they have no idea the battle I am going through, nor do I want them to know)... I mean seriously, who wants to talk to a freak like that?

Super quiet means mostly no regrets and embarrassment.

I guess I come off pretty well as the quiet guy. I always have headphones in my ears. I am on tractors and equipment most the time. If I am in the main office, mine is in the back and I have my own private entrance and parking so I sort of come and go and no one may even know it.

I always worry about times when I am forced into conversations. This is where I usually make myself look like an idiot. : )

 

[tducey]

I don't mid talking but rather be in a crowd of 1 or 2 and not 10 or 20.

 

[Bolletje]

I wish my life would allow for more quiet time.

 

[SusanLR]

I AM are the 2 most powerful words in existence

I've used these two words in an affirmation many times.
I Am, I can, I will, I am able.
Then add what you desire to change about yourself.
Use it like a mantra and repeat it in your mind when you find some time.
It does sink into the subconcious.

 

[LucyPurrs]

@ Chance, it's nice to hear from you as you have been silent on this forum for awhile. I find talking very draining most of the time and I don't like to talk either unless it has a purpose. Being silent for me is peaceful and as long as I know I have a couple of people in my life who are emotionally supportive and caring towards me I'm fine.
I have never heard you sound like an idiot in any way, not even remotely. It's good to hear your voice again so hope you will feel comfortable talking here when you do have something to say as you are usually pretty enlightening to us-well at least me.