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Golden Rule - a different take

WhitewaterWoman

WhitewaterWoman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
In Maria Popova's The Marginalian, today she writes about love and the self and the other. She writes:

Most commonly known as the Golden Rule, it mistakes the reality of the self for the only reality, taking one’s own wishes, desires, and longings as universal and presuming that the other shares those precisely — negating the sovereign reality of the other, negating the possibility that a very different person might want something very different done unto them.
Read this carefully. I have never thought about it this way. It gives a whole new perspective (in its literal sense) to how we acknowledge and treat others.

I get The Marginalian as a twice weekly email, but it can also be found on the web. The address for this article is:

The Marginalian

Then she writes: The remedy for this malady of selfing is to remember that there are infinitely many kinds of beautiful lives, each with its singular longings for and visions of beauty, goodness, and gladness.
 
I've always used the golden rule as more pertaining to any negative action towards someone, like causing harm physically or mentally. I've often run into issues with the positive as the author mentions because it's true, each person thinks differently and wants different things.

I often make the mistake of treating others the way I want to be treated which may be wildly different from their style. I have a low maintenance ego.. I mostly like to be left alone and don't really crave attention. Others in my life need more than that and providing that can be hard which can frustrate them. It's not that I don't care, but that it's hard to show them I care the way they define "caring". I presume this is precisely why humans just can't seem to get along. And why I'm constantly in empath burnout mode.
 
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I get what the person means, that we can't assume that others literally want to be treated exactly as we ourselves do in every way. If we look at The Golden Rule literally and applied to everything, then yes, it's too presumptive.

However, I don't personally think The Golden Rule is meant to be applied literally to everything. I think it's meant as a common sense guide for treating others with kindness and respect. For many, living by The Golden Rule is all the "religion" they need. It's a wonderfully simple yet effective mutually beneficial moral code to live by.

This could also be a case of something that's becoming prevalent and widespread even within the last five years or so from what I've observed: People starting to believe that an exception negates the rule (any "rule" or norm) when in reality it absolutely doesn't. It's a disturbing trend, actually and is gaining a level of acceptance, potentially to the detriment of society as a whole.

A very broad example of what I mean: Fact: Second only to water, tea is the most consumed beverage on the planet. People (in general) like tea more than any other drink other than water. A logical fallacy to this would be something like the following: "Well, I hate tea and I know many other people that do as well so I don't believe that. That "fact" isn't a fact at all." < Wrong. It is a fact. Exceptions do not negate the rule.

Yes, there are exceptions to The Golden Rule. Meaning for example, there are people out there that are masochists and as such actually desire that people be mean to them, physically abusive, etc. Yes, those people if they applied The Golden Rule to others could justify their actions by saying: "But I like when people are mean to me so I'm going to be mean to other people." Those are exceptions and they do not negate the "rule" that MOST people want to be treated with kindness and respect.
 
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I’ve been certainly known to misunderstand things sometimes, but I always thought simple phrases deserve simple interpretation.

To me it says, “don’t be a hypocrite.“ That’s all I ever thought it meant.
 
Um... I misread the title and thought this was about sunflowers...
https://blogs.glowscotland.org.uk/g...2015/11/20/the-golden-ratio-in-nature-and-art
But now I'm here... The golden rule kind of sounds profound but I'm not so sure it really says much at all. Would it be fair to say that "treat others as one wants to be treated" only makes sense if all one wants is for people to take the time to understand how one likes to be treated. Maybe getting any more specific than that is nonsense. I mean - I wouldn't want anyone to treat me in a particular way just because they like to be treated in that way.

But, don't listen to me... I came here expecting to talk about sunflowers, which I know a lot more about :)
 
interesting thought, but i personally think it misunderstands the meaning of the passage.

in the gospel of matthew, the golden rule is a "therefore" to another statement, it is explaining what was said before:

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or what person is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf of bread will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? So if you, despite being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! In everything therefore treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets."

i believe the golden rule is about not being malicious. it is a call, as is the entirety of the sermon on the mount, to "be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." a reframing of what it means to be good.
 
Thank you for this sunflower of a thought. It taught me that everything is open to interpretation in our lifetime, the golden rule even. It takes a higher level one of us to truly deciper what the other person wants, and then we need to decide if it doesn't negate our boundaries or dimish our worth. I have had to visit a longstanding relationship and understand exactly what this person wants of me, which is the golden rule. Please treat me kind, and l am yours.
 
One of the reasons I value The Golden Rule as a moral code that makes sense in general is that it's timeless. It not only pre-dates Christianity, it's something that has been practiced by different people, different philosophies through the ages. Confucius had the "Silver Rule": ""Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you." around 500 B.C.

Buddhists taught the same as one of the 5 Precepts, which include the principle of treating others as you would like to be treated which also pre-dates Christianity.
 
Judaism's version of the Golden Rule: Do not do unto others that which is hateful to you.

I like the Wiccan Golden Rule even better: Do as thou wilt an ye hurt none.

I prefer both of these to the Christian Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

You are required to place yourself in the other person's situation and decide what you, using your Christian values, would like done to you. That can lead to all kinds of horror. A nonChristian might not want Christian things done to them. There is no option to do nothing or to just go along with the flow.
 
LadyS said:
I've always used the golden rule as more pertaining to any negative action towards someone, like causing harm physically or mentally. I've often run into issues with the positive as the author mentions because it's true, each person thinks differently and wants different things.

I often make the mistake of treating others the way I want to be treated which may be wildly different from their style. I have a low maintenance ego.. I mostly like to be left alone and don't really crave attention. Others in my life need more than that and providing that can be hard which can frustrate them. It's not that I don't care, but that it's hard to show them I care the way they define "caring". I presume this is precisely why humans just can't seem to get along. And why I'm constantly in empath burnout mode.
Click to expand...
Me too :( I realised yesterday I've been trying too hard to please my family constantly
 
In a lot of the training and info sessions I've done in recent years, we're usually introduced to both the golden rule, as described in the OP, but also the platinum rule (treat others they way they want to be treated).

But to treat another as they wish to be treated means getting an understanding of what another's needs and wants are, and so that leads to a trade off of how much time one might have available (especially in a work or volunteer environment) to understand a given client's needs and provide them with their perfect solution? Of course, one can always try their best with what resources they have available, and I think that if we can strive to do our best to understand and relate, then we can find solace that we made a good faith effort, and hopefully the other party is understanding.
 
Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

Love God, Love others. All the rest is commentary.
 
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