Grandson didn't think this through

[Pats]

Don't think my 20 year old grandson thought this through. He still lives here with his family upstairs. He works with his dad, which means 14+ hours a day, usually getting home around 8 or 9, sometimes as early as 7. And they do some out of town jobs, being gone 3-4 days at a time. His mom just called me letting me know he brought home a puppy and I would probably fall in love with it like she did. But would I check on it and let take him out and check on food and water today?

You know what? Today is no different than every day, which means I will be the only one home to take him out of his crate and for a walk and make sure he has food and water. I will have a puppy to take care of every day. I don't mind taking care of the puppy, but I do mind having to go upstairs to do it. When I go upstairs I've gone from my home into someone else's and I don't like that.

Not sure how my son is going to react - my grandson does need to realize that he needs to respect living in someone else's home. I know he's excited about the puppy, but he also needs to realize that he's not home enough to take care of it. I think for now, I'll tell him if he wants to bring the dog and crate downstairs to me every day, I'll take care of it, but not running up and down the stairs several times a day to take care of it. I get frustrated, even, when my daughter in law calls and asks me to go upstairs and turn the crock pot down to low or get hamburger out of the freezer or whatever. Stairs are not fun after you've hit 60. These are kind of steep and I always have to stop and get my balance then get a good hold on the rail before coming down, or if I'm carrying something, lean on the rail. I don't like those stairs.

And since I'm on a rant, let me add. My daughter wanted to meet in Kville because my grandson misses me. So I talked to my son and other daughter in Kville and told them I would bring dinner - making it Sunday afternoon since everyone is off that day (they all work Saturdays). So plans made. My daughter decides she wants to get together on Saturday. If it ends up being Saturday with her, I'm going to have 2 days in a row driving to Kville. Arghhhh.

 

[Michael Balog]

Oh Pats looks like you got yourself a new puppy.

 

[Judge]

Unfortunately it's pretty common for kids and grandkids to take their parents and grandparents for granted on a certain level. As if you are going to live forever.

I still recall the conversation my mother had with me when she tried to explain to me that she's no longer able to do so many things as she did most of my life. I guess it was just something I had to hear from her to realize what should have been obvious to me, even as a young adult.

Time to have that talk with both your son and grandson. They may be more understanding than you think.

Getting old isn't easily explained to anyone but those of us actually getting old. Perhaps not much different from trying to explain autism to a neurotypical.

 

[Pats]

Ok - short of breath climbing the stairs. Took him out of the cage and gave him food and water. Put him on a leash and walked him (he's in and out legs with leash wrapping around my legs). Brought him down here for a short bit - Cubby likes him. Milkbud's jealous of any dog. Then took him back out - had to pick him up and carry him in because he didn't want to come in, and put him back in cage. I feel like I've run a marathon with no previous training. lol He's a cutey, but nope - I can't do it.

He's also heavy already.

 

[Michael Balog]

Oh my Pats he is a cute one! That face kinda makes it all worth it.

 

[Bolletje]

It’s a cute pup, but it’s incredibly irresponsible and selfish of your grandson to adopt a pup and expect you to take care of it without even consulting you first. If it’s too much for you to handle, physically, I think you should tell your grandson you can’t take care of the pup and it’s not your problem that he’s not home enough to care for the pup himself.

Of course, that’s easy to say for me. If I recall correctly from earlier posts, it’s tricky for you to establish firm boundaries with your family and keep them from taking advantage of you. I think it would be in your best interest to do so in this case though. Best of luck with whatever course of action you decide on.

 

[Pats]

It’s a cute pup, but it’s incredibly irresponsible and selfish of your grandson to adopt a pup and expect you to take care of it without even consulting you first. If it’s too much for you to handle, physically, I think you should tell your grandson you can’t take care of the pup and it’s not your problem that he’s not home enough to care for the pup himself.

Of course, that’s easy to say for me. If I recall correctly from earlier posts, it’s tricky for you to establish firm boundaries with your family and keep them from taking advantage of you. I think it would be in your best interest to do so in this case though. Best of luck with whatever course of action you decide on.

Actually, I don't like to disappoint my kids and grandkids, but, in this case, I WILL let him know he can not count on me and then it's up to him and the rest of the family to figure out what they are going to do. But if he wants to bring the dog and crate down here every morning and his mom take it back upstairs when she gets home, it'd be okay, and also there will be some days that I won't be home much either and he'd have to figure something else out. (I gave it a try, but not doing that every day. No, no way.)

 

[Judge]

Actually, I don't like to disappoint my kids and grandkids, but, in this case, I WILL let him know he can not count on me and then it's up to him and the rest of the family to figure out what they are going to do.

It's the right thing to do.

At 20 years of age, your grandson has got to start taking care of his own affairs.

 

[Aspychata]

Why why why don't people understand as older people we don't have energy to go up stairs, take care of puppies!?!?!? I have idiot men thinking l have energy to go out meet them- seriously delusional- what part of - wait this isn't the ranting post. Oops. Excuse me Pats.

 

[Pats]

Proud of myself. Stressed over it, but I did let them know that I was not able to go upstairs and take care of the dog.

 

[Bolletje]

Well done, @Pats !

 

[Judge]

Why why why don't people understand as older people we don't have energy to go up stairs, take care of puppies!?!?!? I have idiot men thinking l have energy to go out meet them- seriously delusional- what part of - wait this isn't the ranting post. Oops. Excuse me Pats.

Perhaps "Theory of Mind" considerations aren't just an issue for those of us on the spectrum.

That it would seem that most people in general (and in real time) are myopically limited to their own frame of reference rather than to attempt to understand that of others.

 

[Mia]

Proud of myself. Stressed over it, but I did let them know that I was not able to go upstairs and take care of the dog.

I would have been too, it's really hard to tell loved ones no. As you've been caring for them, doing everything for them all of your life. Whenever they needed any kind of help.

Sure I'll use my two days off for a month to help build a big deck for you, then I'll paint the house. I'll look after your pets on my vacation, you can live with me for free while your at college. All those things were really difficult to say no to.

Eventually all that giving of yourself becomes an issue. And you wonder if they are not considering how it affects your life. It took many years to start saying no.

 

[Pats]

I would have been too, it's really hard to tell loved ones no. As you've been caring for them, doing everything for them all of your life. Whenever they needed any kind of help.

Sure I'll use my two days off for a month to help build a big deck for you, then I'll paint the house. I'll look after your pets on my vacation, you can live with me for free while your at college. All those things were really difficult to say no to.

Eventually all that giving of yourself becomes an issue. And you wonder if they are not considering how it affects your life. It took many years to start saying no.

It IS hard saying no. You know, my grown kids really don't ask for much and they take no very easily - actually makes it harder for me to say no. I was thinking about my sister and her kids (same age as mine). I'm very lucky. Her daughter asks her to go along with them to Disney to babysit in the evenings. My daughter agrees, has to pay her own air fare there, has to get her own room and food and pay her own way into Disney. And that's how it goes every time. My daughter has asked me to go along with them on a trip for the same reason and they take care of everything. I get frustrated because my kids and grandkids don't always see that I'm aging. I probably get more upset than I need to and make it harder on myself than I need to. Just like this - I got myself all worked up and the more things I thought about, the more worked up I was. I'm actually a little embarrassed at myself. It was no problem.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Eventually all that giving of yourself becomes an issue. And you wonder if they are not considering how it affects your life. It took many years to start saying no

Such a great feeling though

I think my father thought I was a fool for helping him, so he took without thought or thanks.
In a way he was right

Theres a folly involved in being kind/trying to help IF you dont fill your own cup first.

And the idea of being kind (an attractive idea to hold about yourself) can prevent you from the insight you need to grow.

So turn your frown upside down and your yes into no