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Greetings and self intro from an officially diagnosed aspie girl

G

Guendolen

Active Member
Hello to everyone here. My name is Guen and i am 29 years old. I was diagnosed with asberger syndrome from a very young age and many males in my family are also aspies, my father included. My mother is a malignant narcissist and always used my diagnosis as a tool of abuse, to point out i am a freak, a monster and i will never make friends. After leaving my house to study i self-researched and realized that i have PTSD and periodically anxiety and depression because of her abuse. I have been having relationships with neurotypical men since 17 and all of them turned disasterous. They were never able to understand me or accept me and we ended up breaking in very bad terms. I have 2 friends who are not diagnosed but seem to be aspies too. Studying at university for the second time since my first degree proved to be something i am not interested at all. After a lifetime of bullying and abuse i have tremendous difficulty trusting and being close to other people. I never learnt how to cope with meltdowns (till recently i didn't know there is a term for that, i thought it was just me being insane) and i am tired of trying to make normal people understand. I came here hoping to make friends and to learn more about this syndrome and how to cope efficiently in everyday life. Please guide me to useful resources and material or share any techniques that work for you.
I am looking very forward to get to know you and talk to you. ))
 
Greetings! It is hard to read such a sad story. I've often thought that parents of children with autism need to lower their expectations- but your mother seems to have taken it a bit far.

A diagnosis is great for giving insight, but it should not define who you are. We are grateful to have you aboard. See what you can do to define yourself. We are probably the biggest bunch of oddballs, weirdos, and freaks alive (at least as far as what the neurotypical world thinks).
 
Thank you! I am sorry if my story triggers anyone and i didn't write it in order to attract pity. I was in denial for a long time about my mother being alpha male abuser and i feel it is time to face that. It is double difficult because as everyone here knows, not only i have difficulty with normal socializing like aspies raised in normal households have, but to due to isolation i didn't develop even the basic of normal behavior. I don't think my mother had high expectations in reality. I think she was using me sadistically to relief her stress of her various mental disorders by projecting them on me. Her reason for that was supposedly her tries to make me ''normal''. I see asberger as a different way of being and i don't consider it a disability. I am sure many people here can do things a neurotypical would never dream of. People so far only focused on the things i could not do, and never to those i can do and i think this goes for many aspies. I think it is time for us to change that. I don't trust my self growth or happiness to any neurotypical again.
 
Howdy Guendolen. I hope you will find extra support on here. Aspergers is different in a good way. It sounds really nice to have Aspergers friends. Sucks about your mom. It's cool that you've diagnosed her condition though. Narcissism is hard for me to label too, but I think I must have seen some cases by now, I read that it is occurs in about 6% of the population. I hope you can escape further damage.
 
Thank you for your answer. I am looking to both give and get support. I think my friends are aspies too because they have animals as a special interest too, both are girls and single than more 5 years, cannot understand social norms (one of them told a professor that his book sucks, not even i do that) and they both have very steady opinions and routines. As for my mother i have done some tests online and talked to other daughters of narcissistic mothers and she ticks every box. I am not living with her thankfully but even in sporadic contact she will try to undermine me and make me feel worthless ''for my own good''. Last time i met her was on Christmas and she kept talking about her friend who has 3 aspie adult children and one of them got institutionalized while the others are on heavy medication and unable to function. It was like she is expecting me to break down. Toxic person in every way.
 
Welcome Guendolen :)

I know we've spoken already, but I thought I'd formally welcome you here too. I too have a malignant narcissist, for a mother, so I can relate to how toxic, and destructive, they can be, towards you. I hope that you are no longer exposed to yours. I've added a few links below, which you might find interesting.

Resources: Autism & Asperger's Resources | AspiesCentral.com

AS for women:

Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com

22 Things a Woman With Asperger's Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know | AspiesCentral.com

Day 62: Females with Asperger’s Syndrome (Non-Official) Checklist | Everyday Asperger's

Aspienwomen: Adult Women with Asperger Syndrome. Moving towards a female profile of Asperger Syndrome | Tania Marshall

Tony Attwood:

Home

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com
 
Welcome, Guendolen. Firstly, {{{BIG hugs}}} I really feel for you. Your mother's behaviour is shocking, it was hard to read and I'm sorry you suffered long term from her actions. Hope you find this site useful like we all do here.
 
Thank you both Kirsty and Vanilla for your welcome, and i am sure to check the links. I am in very low contact with her and i see her very few times every year, but i am still affected since she knows exactly what things to do and upset me. Kirsty I am sorry if my description upset you, i will not write about it anymore if it is causing unpleasant feeling to the people in this forum. The site is very exciting so far and full of things i can relate to.
 
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