Hello - Not sure if this is a common route to these forums but recently I chanced upon making an internet search for Asbergers Syndrome because of a passing reference in the TV show 'Enlightened' starring Laura Dern.
Looking at the symptoms and description was like looking in a mirror. It was like the chief mystery in my life had been solved.
The only question that came next is 'what to do about it'
I'm 42, jobless and almost friendless, my partner does not understand or appreciate my situation. 'She' thinks I'm a crazy idiot like the rest of the world. In all honesty I always thought I might be able to have a normal life and strove to be 'normal.'
It never worked and I have watched others have happy lives while mine has pretty much been misery and loneliness for as long as I can remember. In social situations I feel awkward and have always felt like I am pretending to have a good time. I never really do.
It is getting to the point where I don't even want to talk to anyone without a good reason. I am starting to hate and fear 'normal' people and I do not like that feeling of isolation and really wish it would end.
In the past I've been so unhappy that I have wanted to kill myself but with the help of Marijuana I medicate regularly to stop the feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and isolation.
Maybe I can learn something and improve my prognosis because right now I'm smart enough to realize it is not looking good but not smart enough to know the correct steps to take to make it better. Story of my life in a lot of ways.
That is why I am here. For me. For the family I never had. For the friends I never made but could have made. For the children I have never held and finally for the dreams (my dreams) that were left unfulfilled.
I don't know where I go from here but wherever it is I'm hoping it is better than where I am now.
In any case I'm hoping this place might help but not really expecting much. In life I have found that I'm the one 'normal' people like to single out to have a go at or pick on. They can almost sense my fears it seems and seem to like to capitalize on it. I had had that all my life too. Being an easy target is never fun. I have never known what to do about that either besides just avoid such people. Alas they are everywhere. In the end there is no where to hide from life.
So I'm here.....
Looking at the symptoms and description was like looking in a mirror. It was like the chief mystery in my life had been solved.
The only question that came next is 'what to do about it'
I'm 42, jobless and almost friendless, my partner does not understand or appreciate my situation. 'She' thinks I'm a crazy idiot like the rest of the world. In all honesty I always thought I might be able to have a normal life and strove to be 'normal.'
It never worked and I have watched others have happy lives while mine has pretty much been misery and loneliness for as long as I can remember. In social situations I feel awkward and have always felt like I am pretending to have a good time. I never really do.
It is getting to the point where I don't even want to talk to anyone without a good reason. I am starting to hate and fear 'normal' people and I do not like that feeling of isolation and really wish it would end.
In the past I've been so unhappy that I have wanted to kill myself but with the help of Marijuana I medicate regularly to stop the feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and isolation.
Maybe I can learn something and improve my prognosis because right now I'm smart enough to realize it is not looking good but not smart enough to know the correct steps to take to make it better. Story of my life in a lot of ways.
That is why I am here. For me. For the family I never had. For the friends I never made but could have made. For the children I have never held and finally for the dreams (my dreams) that were left unfulfilled.
I don't know where I go from here but wherever it is I'm hoping it is better than where I am now.
In any case I'm hoping this place might help but not really expecting much. In life I have found that I'm the one 'normal' people like to single out to have a go at or pick on. They can almost sense my fears it seems and seem to like to capitalize on it. I had had that all my life too. Being an easy target is never fun. I have never known what to do about that either besides just avoid such people. Alas they are everywhere. In the end there is no where to hide from life.
So I'm here.....
