My sensory sensitivities flare up and simmer down depending on my moods. Some can disappear for months. I talk here specifically about the times when I'm relatively stable emotionally.
Here is an example: I don't like touching metal door handles. They make me feel yucky. I'll often wait for someone else to open the door, or I'll use something other than my hands to do it myself. What happens if I do touch it with my hands? On bad days, it can get rough, spiking my anxiety and worsening other sensory triggers. On good days, I may feel like avoiding it, but nothing really happens if I do it. The negative thoughts in those times is probably a warning from the bad moments.
There are two issues that I have:
1) I don't often know what the proper balance should be when dealing with these issues. Should I put covers on the doors in my house? Only the ones that are mostly used by me, or also where everyone else hangs out? (Any recommendations for specific covers would be helpful; perhaps I'll ask in a separate thread.)
What should I do out in the world? Do I carry a small towel and look weird every time? (I carry a couple of other items for dealing with sensory stuff, such as sunglasses.) Do I use my clothing to avoid touch, like I usually do? These aren't questions that anyone can answer; there will always be more. It's not simply about door knobs. I'm pointing out the struggle that I, and I'm sure many, deal with in not knowing how much to fight and when to be kind to oneself by giving in.
2) Thinking about and living with making these decisions leads to guilt, self-reproach and self-loathing. Some of the questions that I ask are: Why am I like this? Why can't I understand that life has difficulties? If I am feeling well and the sensitivities aren't really there, why do I still try avoiding?
All of this applies equally to the OCD-type symptoms that I have. For reference, I am diagnosed with neither ASD nor with OCD. As is often the case, much of what I'm thinking is stuck between the lines here.
Here is an example: I don't like touching metal door handles. They make me feel yucky. I'll often wait for someone else to open the door, or I'll use something other than my hands to do it myself. What happens if I do touch it with my hands? On bad days, it can get rough, spiking my anxiety and worsening other sensory triggers. On good days, I may feel like avoiding it, but nothing really happens if I do it. The negative thoughts in those times is probably a warning from the bad moments.
There are two issues that I have:
1) I don't often know what the proper balance should be when dealing with these issues. Should I put covers on the doors in my house? Only the ones that are mostly used by me, or also where everyone else hangs out? (Any recommendations for specific covers would be helpful; perhaps I'll ask in a separate thread.)
What should I do out in the world? Do I carry a small towel and look weird every time? (I carry a couple of other items for dealing with sensory stuff, such as sunglasses.) Do I use my clothing to avoid touch, like I usually do? These aren't questions that anyone can answer; there will always be more. It's not simply about door knobs. I'm pointing out the struggle that I, and I'm sure many, deal with in not knowing how much to fight and when to be kind to oneself by giving in.
2) Thinking about and living with making these decisions leads to guilt, self-reproach and self-loathing. Some of the questions that I ask are: Why am I like this? Why can't I understand that life has difficulties? If I am feeling well and the sensitivities aren't really there, why do I still try avoiding?
All of this applies equally to the OCD-type symptoms that I have. For reference, I am diagnosed with neither ASD nor with OCD. As is often the case, much of what I'm thinking is stuck between the lines here.
