Happy vs. Serious

[Vanilla]

Hi all

There's something that has been on my mind for some time now, so I thought I'd see what others think of this. My question is, do you feel that a happy person, is not a serious person?

Now I know that this is a broad question, and it obviously depends on the context of the situation, and the people involved. What I'm really interested in is have you experienced this before? The reason I ask is because I myself have found this to be true for me in some scenarios, and it can occasionally bother me.

For me, being happy isn't necessarily the product of a 'having it all', or even of ignorance. Of course these factors can come in to play, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I believe that happiness can also be a state of mind, that we choose to live by. It is a choice we make, just as we can choose to see the glass half full (the optimist), half empty (the pessimist), or consider that both are in fact happening at the same time (the realist). Though I consider myself a realist, I do lean more towards the optimistic side of life.

Now, keep in mind that this wasn't a choice that I had always believed in; I have had moments in my past, when I was rather pessimistic, and would have considered the thought of choosing to be happy, as lying to myself. As I've gotten older, and wiser, I've come to realise the potential of choosing to be happy. It allows me to be much more productive, to appreciate life more, to appear more acceptable towards others, and it has actually made me happy - for real.

The downside I've found though, is that people don't always take you seriously. There have been times that I have attempted to convey my views, and others have dismissed my opinions, as my persona is not as stern as it used to be. In fact, I've noticed that when I am in fact more stern with people (which can cause me to appear rather ice cold, I'm told), only then will they actually listen to what I have to say.

A good example of this would be Patch Adams; the doctor who believed that happiness can aid in the healing of his patients. There is also a movie based on him, staring Robin Williams: Patch Adams - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Turnip]

I'm not going to argue with you, but I think that you posted a picture of Robin Williams playing a fictional character somewhat telling of your thinking.

EDIT: Just incase, my point is too subtle, is the man in the video "serious"?

 

[Judge]

Vanilla, your question reminds me of Josephine Marcus (Dana Delany) from the movie "Tombstone" when she seriously asks Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) if he's "happy". It was an amusing scene given it caught Wyatt completely off guard...yet later he obviously took her quite seriously about being happy.

 

[Turk]

Hmmmm. This is an issue, that ive always had trouble with. I've always been a happy person and a practical joker. It came with my ignorance. In recent years ive had my serious side, but I dont necessarily like it. When im the clown, people tend not to take me seriously. Now when im serious, I tend to take it to a worst case scenario, which has the same effect. People dont take the clown seriously and visa versa, they dont take the overly negative guy seriously either. Im still the happy joker but I do find the seriousness of the world crashing my bubble, more often. Finding balance between these two personas is something I struggle with, but I know which one I prefer to be

 

[Vanilla]

Wow, but this could apply to me. I have a friend that views me as the "happy go lucky" sort and often seeks my company when he's feeling down. However, if I have a problem or am feeling down and things are serious, I'm not taken seriously. It's as though I'm not allowed to be serious or have a problem, but rather I'm to be "happy" all the time. It's actually quite frustrating for me, because I have nobody to whom I can vent, share, or seek sound wisdom during such times.

I know exactly what you mean here. I'm not allowed to be unhappy around certain people too, which has obviously caused me to struggle with keeping friends. I've had to end a few relationships because of this. It's odd how having a positive disposition can cause people to give you the cold shoulder when it comes time for you to seek help for once; even if you're normally the one picking up the pieces for everyone else.

Everyone wants a rock to anchor them down, but if you should ever crumble, it's unacceptable.

 

[King_Oni]

I'm not entirely sure where I fall... however, I also don't know if "happy" is the correct term. Happiness for me does not equal joking and laughing. I can feel miserable and still crack jokes... (perhaps I'm not miserable enough then)

On the other hand, what exactly defines happiness? I guess for some people NOT feeling miserable is happiness enough, whereas some people are cheery, smiling and tend to present an overall positive vibe. The latter I could easily do without... if you're in a perpetual state of being so positive I'm going to assume you're on some kind of drug (or just won the lottery).

As for me being serious; I guess what best describes me is what in martial arts tends to be "Drunken master style". I might seem like a perpetual joker (and I joke around quite a lot) but I'm fully aware that I'm joking and am quite aware of the issues at hand and am in fact quite serious behind a facade of jokes.

Perhaps that's my way of trying to relate to the world as well. Putting it in perspective. Perhaps it's also why I can relate to The Comedian of Watchmen a lot as well.

What's probably my biggest issue with it all is that not everyone tends to appreciate my behavior as such. Some people just expect me to sit there with a straight face... I don't know, I just can't do it. It's one of those parts of my personality that's out and about all the time and restricting it just makes me want to tear my face of. Perhaps that's also why I wouldn't be a good fit on jobs with a lot of social interaction. I couldn't act a certain way for the best of my employer because I act out of line personally.

Do people take me serious? Well, I hope they do. If they don't, their loss. I can't fret over that. In the past my advice (even though presented in my own manner) has been discarded a few times, only for people to get back at it years later telling me "that actually made more sense than anything I've heard in the years to follow from other people". It does establish more credibility among friends and such, but doesn't help a lot on short hand solutions. But then again, I don't know if short hand solutions and short contacts are what I want a lot in my life anyway.

What I've noticed as well is some people find it hard to gauge me in real life. I can say certain things and people are really in the middle on if I'm joking or if I'm serious. Probably partially due to me being able to keep a straight face when telling something funny.. but again, that probably relates to people needing to know me and know I can be like that.

 

[Vanilla]

I'm not entirely sure where I fall... however, I also don't know if "happy" is the correct term. Happiness for me does not equal joking and laughing. I can feel miserable and still crack jokes... (perhaps I'm not miserable enough then)

On the other hand, what exactly defines happiness? I guess for some people NOT feeling miserable is happiness enough, whereas some people are cheery, smiling and tend to present an overall positive vibe. The latter I could easily do without... if you're in a perpetual state of being so positive I'm going to assume you're on some kind of drug (or just won the lottery).

As for me being serious; I guess what best describes me is what in martial arts tends to be "Drunken master style". I might seem like a perpetual joker (and I joke around quite a lot) but I'm fully aware that I'm joking and am quite aware of the issues at hand and am in fact quite serious behind a facade of jokes.

Perhaps that's my way of trying to relate to the world as well. Putting it in perspective. Perhaps it's also why I can relate to The Comedian of Watchmen a lot as well.

What's probably my biggest issue with it all is that not everyone tends to appreciate my behavior as such. Some people just expect me to sit there with a straight face... I don't know, I just can't do it. It's one of those parts of my personality that's out and about all the time and restricting it just makes me want to tear my face of. Perhaps that's also why I wouldn't be a good fit on jobs with a lot of social interaction. I couldn't act a certain way for the best of my employer because I act out of line personally.

Do people take me serious? Well, I hope they do. If they don't, their loss. I can't fret over that. In the past my advice (even though presented in my own manner) has been discarded a few times, only for people to get back at it years later telling me "that actually made more sense than anything I've heard in the years to follow from other people". It does establish more credibility among friends and such, but doesn't help a lot on short hand solutions. But then again, I don't know if short hand solutions and short contacts are what I want a lot in my life anyway.

What I've noticed as well is some people find it hard to gauge me in real life. I can say certain things and people are really in the middle on if I'm joking or if I'm serious. Probably partially due to me being able to keep a straight face when telling something funny.. but again, that probably relates to people needing to know me and know I can be like that.

Ha, yeah, I know that feeling when someone's decided to take up your advice later down the track, after realising you weren't simply being random. I guess sometimes the meaning behind your advice isn't quite clear to them until they've reached their own crossroads. It is nice that your friends can acknowledge your advice though.

 

[King_Oni]

It is nice that your friends can acknowledge your advice though.

Oh for sure... it just makes me cringe a bit they have to end up in a psych ward for about a year first :') but that's a totally different topic, lol

 

[Vanilla]

Oh for sure... it just makes me cringe a bit they have to end up in a psych ward for about a year first :') but that's a totally different topic, lol

Lol, sounds like an interesting story...I'm almost afraid to ask.

For me, there's one person in particular who's a repeat offender. They usually claim my idea as their own by the time they've realised the full potential of it.

 

[King_Oni]

Lol, sounds like an interesting story...I'm almost afraid to ask.

Oh it is... I could PM you about it sometime if you're interested (rather than clogging up this thread with a wall of text)

 

[Vanilla]

Oh it is... I could PM you about it sometime if you're interested (rather than clogging up this thread with a wall of text)

Yeah, sure

 

[Judge]

I'm not entirely sure where I fall... however, I also don't know if "happy" is the correct term. Happiness for me does not equal joking and laughing. I can feel miserable and still crack jokes... (perhaps I'm not miserable enough then)

Absolutely, King. I think there are a number of us who deal with chronic depression who can likely say that our sense of humor isn't necessarily impaired.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I tend to be happy and serious. I think other people see the seriousness without realizing that I am happy.

 

[Vanilla]

Absolutely, King. I think there are a number of us who deal with chronic depression who can likely say that our sense of humor isn't necessarily impaired.

Sometimes humour is an appropriate response to dealing with a bad situation. That's pretty much the foundation for Jewish comedy, and they're the comedy kings.

 

[ghoulbler]

I can tend to be quite serious a good majority of the time but I wouldn't say I'm always unhappy. I'm usually pretty neutral-feeling. Not sad, not happy, but comfortably wedged between the two. If I feel calm, I'll come across as being upset and short with people, though it's just a result of being drawn inward as opposed to being outwardly energetic and fun. I'm just focused more on myself rather than others, so I'm more serious. I don't think it's a sign of unhappiness, just like joking around isn't a sign of happiness. Plenty of depressed people joke around and hang out with others, but between these moments when they have the time to think, they feel lonely and upset. Having fun with others is merely a distraction from their sadness. It all really depends on the individual and it's not something you can really have an opinion that would speak for everyone. Human emotion and the way we express ourselves based on or in spite of those emotions really vary from person to person.

 

[tree]

What I wonder is whether people think
that I am silly/not serious because sometimes
I say/think of things/write stuff that makes
people laugh.

 

[Beverly]

I think it's a matter of your definition of happy. To me happy means laughing, having fun, totally enjoying yourself and, I don't think anyone really means that when that ask if I'm happy because, if I'm not laughing obviously I am not happy. What they really mean is am I content and satisfied with my life? Yes that I am but usually not happy, not sad or down either, just content, neutral as far a happy or sad goes.

To me people in general are rarely happy or sad, often content and satisfied or, unsatisfied, discontent but, not happy or sad by my definition of those word. Sad requires tears and/and wailing, misery. while happy requires lauging, bouncing, giggling.