Has anyone ever told you you’re always whining and are not capable of functioning in the real world?

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

This happened to me all the time when my mom gets me frustrated. She’ll always tell me to calm down or else I’m not capable of functioning in life. She also tends to link my emotions and stress with stereotypical girl problems as if any emotion out of a woman is a problem and is caused by whatever stupid factor they can think of.

She always tells me to shut up and stop whining over everything even though that hypocrite does the same thing all the time. She screams at me over little things such as I have a bloody nose every time she stresses me out. Then she succeeds in making me cry and will go on and throw a fit saying I’m a 24 year old acting like a big baby. I try to tell her she’s always yelling at me but she says she NEVER does that and I’m always running my trap and whining over everything.

To her, I’m a spoiled brat who never stops whining over the littlest of things. Anyone else has a similar experience?

 

[tree]

What if they have had a similar experience?

How will you use that information to further your happiness in life?

 

[Jumpinbare]

No

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

What if they have had a similar experience?

How will you use that information to further your happiness in life?

Of course not. Telling someone they’re always whining even though it’s not true is not going to make ANY happiness. That’s just a fact.

 

[tree]

@2Fragile2TakeCriticism

So what's the point of asking?

I didn't say that telling someone they're always whining would make
for happiness.

I asked how you intended to use the information to further your
happiness in life. AKA *what you could learn from it*

And apparently you don't have any intention of using the information that way.

 

[Kavigant]

People will often criticize others for the traits they don't like in themselves. So, in a sense, they are criticizing themselves in the only way they know how.
That doesn't excuse their hurtful behavior, but it can help when you recognize this and recognize their own
weakness.

As a child, very long ago, I was often accused of being too sensitive, or of being "too dramatic."
I will probably always remember my aunt telling me that I was "helpless and hopeless."
I was indeed very sensitive, and was asking for help in the only ways I knew how, but no one understood or knew how to help me.
I grew up a fragile kid in a very rough environment and ended up with a whole lot of scar tissue and harmful compensations. I'm still too sensitive, but healing and doing better.

 

[Misty Avich]

For me whining was a sort of stim as a child. If I was feeling anxious or overwhelmed I'd resort to whining. I think it's healthy, as children with ASDs are supposed to be withdrawn and unable to express emotions until a meltdown occurs. But as a highly verbal and expressive child, I couldn't hold in my feelings. And all everyone said to me was "stop moaning! You're a moaning mini! We should call you Mona!" This became an assumption even when I wasn't whining, so they automatically said it to me whenever I opened my mouth, which was very awkward and unfair to me.
I tried working on my tone of voice (using a less whiny tone) and only expressing my feelings when appropriate. It worked, as I don't often get told to stop whining any more, not for years, but I still do occasionally. But I guess everyone does from time to time.
But I've noticed that the people who tell me to stop whining the most are the types that whine all the time, way more than me. I don't tell them to stop whining though. I believe everyone should be allowed to free their emotions verbally, and I politely listen and try to understand.

 

[tree]

https://pediaclinic.net/Whining-and-Pestering
Some ways of dealing with what is calling whining behavior
are more useful than others. Just telling the person to
shut up is not constructive.

 

[Kavigant]

Sometimes my wife and I tell each other that we just need to complain and are not seeking help or answers or solutions. Sometimes it's just a way of safely releasing steam.
If others don't understand that, it can cause them to feel uncomfortable or frustrated.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Everyone has always told me the opposite, even in response to having some limitations related to ASD. So while I can't say I've ever had it happen, I think having anyone try to dictate your experience for you can be a little dehumanizing.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

@2Fragile2TakeCriticism

So what's the point of asking?

I didn't say that telling someone they're always whining would make
for happiness.

I asked how you intended to use the information to further your
happiness in life. AKA *what you could learn from it*

And apparently you don't have any intention of using the information that way.

I’m asking to see if people can relate to my situation.

If you’re intending for me to use information to happiness, then you should be more specific next time.

And also you sound very rude when you say “what’s the point of asking” and using apparently. It sounds very dismissive.

 

[tree]

I don't know what your experience is with people using
the word 'apparently.'

Here's what it means, to me:

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

I don't know what your experience is with people using
the word 'apparently.'

Here's what it means, to me:

View attachment 121412

Look when I hear the word, apparently, I hear it as “according to your logic, so this means you lack reason and thus are wrong”.

All I’m saying is that it sounds very dismissive. That’s all I’m saying. I have struggles with depression as well so it’s very difficult for me to express happiness because I’m going through a lot of trauma. It deeply matters for me.

 

[tree]

@2Fragile2TakeCriticism

Thanks for clarifying your interpretation of the word.

Sounds like you feel dismissed frequently, in real life.
Your feelings discounted, considered irrelevant.

 

[Judge]

The perils and risks of family ties and personal relationships. Something most if not all of us are sadly acquainted with regardless of neurological differences or circumstances. Something that makes us all less than unique.

"Familiarity Breeds Contempt"

1. The more acquainted one becomes with a person, the more one knows about his or her shortcomings and, hence, the easier it is to dislike that person.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

@2Fragile2TakeCriticism

Thanks for clarifying your interpretation of the word.

Sounds like you feel dismissed frequently, in real life.
Your feelings discounted, considered irrelevant.

Thank you for understanding.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Not the whining part but definitely the not being able to survive by myself part by my abuser. She conditioned me to be so dependent on her and made me afraid to do anything for myself like going to the store and buying what I actually want without her watching me or talking to neighbors because she made me think everyone except her and my family were out to get me and were planning on hurting me the moment that they got a chance.

 

[vergil96]

This happened to me all the time when my mom gets me frustrated. She’ll always tell me to calm down or else I’m not capable of functioning in life.

This sounds like a toxic family. I don't want to offend you or anything, but it actually sounds very toxic to me. It's normal that people show intense feelings from time to time, and who on earth responds like that to it? My gut feeling is that it's a narcissistic thing to say. Who on earth responds with a "calm down" to someone displaying emotions? Unless they have some problem with it or total alexythimia.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

This sounds like a toxic family. I don't want to offend you or anything, but it actually sounds very toxic to me. It's normal that people show intense feelings from time to time, and who on earth responds like that to it? My gut feeling is that it's a narcissistic thing to say. Who on earth responds with a "calm down" to someone displaying emotions? Unless they have some problem with it or total alexythimia.

I’m not offended at all, and I agree with you there. Telling someone to calm down is very toxic.