Has any of you experienced a major change in their social and communication abilities because they had a crush or fell in love with someone ? It happened to me when I was 16. I was so shy, reserved and socially awkward that I couldn't even talk to girls. I was very closed socially. I only had a few friend sharing similar interests in video games. I was a complete nerd. But everything changed when I fell in love with a girl. With the help of a more socially skilled friend, I single-mindedly decided to change and become socially "normal". It took a few months of intense self psychoanalysis and great psychological effort to change the way I thought, felt, reacted and behaved. But the motivation was there and I was completely transformed.
The most difficult thing was to change was attitude to touching and display of affection. I disliked to be touched, even by family members. I obviously had to get rid of that if I wanted to kiss my girlfriend, which I very much wanted. Ultimately touching and affection are linked to trusting people, which was very difficult for me. At one point I had to decide that it was worth a try and that I would let other people in my trust zone. I surrendered my emotional defences as it was the only way I could make friends, socialise and get close to the girl I liked.
Within 6 months, not only was I able to talk to any girl, but I was making friends with almost anybody, going out to parties and even throwing my own parties. Nobody could believe it, least of all my family.
What is amazing is that this psychological or emotional change also eliminated many of the my more physical Aspie traits. I became less sensitive to smells and noises. I walked more confidently and stopped having a strange gait or posture. My tastes in music passed from video game tunes to Pop and Techno. For the first time in my life I started to care I how dressed and to wear perfume. I wasn't a weird nerd any longer, but was greeted by almost everyone at school. I even organised school events. My metamorphosis was so radical that some people compared it to the film Awakenings with Robert DeNiro and Robin Williams.
Despite all that change, I know I did not become neurotypical. My interests shifted from nerdy to social, but the way I tackled my everyday challenges was with the same rational and analytical attitude as before. I was still very different from others. I had ideas for parties that no one else seemed to have, and it worked quite well. But I remained more emotionally fragile and still didn't know how to deal with people effectively. I had become more confident and outward-looking, but I made quite a few faux-pas and couldn't deal with my own strong emotions of love. I never got the girl I liked and became depressed. It got better a few years later and I did find a girlfriend. But some of my Aspie traits crawled back little by little over time, and I became socially isolated again. It is certain, however, that I now communicate better and have a much better understanding of social relationships than before. But I am still an Aspie because that is who I am.
With the hindsight I believe that my social metamorphosis was caused by the hormonal changes brought on by falling in love as a teenager. These are very powerful emotions that can literally change a man. I have read that love is caused by an increase of oxytocin (the trust and attachment hormone) in the brain, and that oxytocin is also the main hormone found to be too low in autistic and Aspie kids. Could it be that a rise in oytocin is all it take to improve our social and communication skills ? I really feel like I had a rush of oxytocin when I fell in love, and that this is what ultimately allowed me to socialise normally. My unrequited love slowly went away and my sociability decreased at the same time. When I fell in love again later, my sociability increased again (although less because I had been wounded before and my love was more restrained and careful this time).
Has anyone of you ever experienced anything similar ?
The most difficult thing was to change was attitude to touching and display of affection. I disliked to be touched, even by family members. I obviously had to get rid of that if I wanted to kiss my girlfriend, which I very much wanted. Ultimately touching and affection are linked to trusting people, which was very difficult for me. At one point I had to decide that it was worth a try and that I would let other people in my trust zone. I surrendered my emotional defences as it was the only way I could make friends, socialise and get close to the girl I liked.
Within 6 months, not only was I able to talk to any girl, but I was making friends with almost anybody, going out to parties and even throwing my own parties. Nobody could believe it, least of all my family.
What is amazing is that this psychological or emotional change also eliminated many of the my more physical Aspie traits. I became less sensitive to smells and noises. I walked more confidently and stopped having a strange gait or posture. My tastes in music passed from video game tunes to Pop and Techno. For the first time in my life I started to care I how dressed and to wear perfume. I wasn't a weird nerd any longer, but was greeted by almost everyone at school. I even organised school events. My metamorphosis was so radical that some people compared it to the film Awakenings with Robert DeNiro and Robin Williams.
Despite all that change, I know I did not become neurotypical. My interests shifted from nerdy to social, but the way I tackled my everyday challenges was with the same rational and analytical attitude as before. I was still very different from others. I had ideas for parties that no one else seemed to have, and it worked quite well. But I remained more emotionally fragile and still didn't know how to deal with people effectively. I had become more confident and outward-looking, but I made quite a few faux-pas and couldn't deal with my own strong emotions of love. I never got the girl I liked and became depressed. It got better a few years later and I did find a girlfriend. But some of my Aspie traits crawled back little by little over time, and I became socially isolated again. It is certain, however, that I now communicate better and have a much better understanding of social relationships than before. But I am still an Aspie because that is who I am.
With the hindsight I believe that my social metamorphosis was caused by the hormonal changes brought on by falling in love as a teenager. These are very powerful emotions that can literally change a man. I have read that love is caused by an increase of oxytocin (the trust and attachment hormone) in the brain, and that oxytocin is also the main hormone found to be too low in autistic and Aspie kids. Could it be that a rise in oytocin is all it take to improve our social and communication skills ? I really feel like I had a rush of oxytocin when I fell in love, and that this is what ultimately allowed me to socialise normally. My unrequited love slowly went away and my sociability decreased at the same time. When I fell in love again later, my sociability increased again (although less because I had been wounded before and my love was more restrained and careful this time).
Has anyone of you ever experienced anything similar ?
Not my aspieness though. I am still same old me, just a few problems I used to have, have been made a whole lot easier to work around.
