Has my dad got aspergers/autism?

[Kellyrosie]

hello,

I’m typing in this forum as I need to try and understand whether my dad has aspergers/autism as his behaviour really gets me down as if he doesn’t care about my existence.

It has got worse since my mum died and he just doesn’t seem to care about anyone else but his dogs.

For example it is Father’s Day today but he has padlocked the house gate so no one can get in to see him he is not answering any calls or texts either and never gauges how his behaviour might make others feel.

He hates socialising, has no friends all he wants to do everyday is walk his dogs and have naps at exactly the same time of day, he eats the same food everyday too most of his life is a routine and he does not care how his behaviour effects everyone else.

He has these offloads of aggression especially when he cleans and starts smashing stuff up, he doesn’t want any friends he also hates smells, I wasn’t allowed garlic or onion in the house and if I ever used it he would open al the windows in the house and be really upset.

I felt like I have tread on eggshells my whole life around him I had a curfew until I left even when I was 29! If I wasn’t in before midnight he would go mad and not talk to me but now I am 30 my frustrations are really coming out I thankfully have moved into my own place but now I’ve moved I’m kind of out of sight out of mind. He would never ever contact me and the only time I see him is when I just go over. He loves his dogs so much he finds animal deaths a lot harder than human deaths and treats my younger sister differently to me as she relies on him more, we have recently stopped speaking for 4 months as he blamed me for a blue stain on the carpet of her room and he got very verbally aggressive and frustrated so I left his house straight away.

Last year for Father’s Day I tried to do something really nice as he doesn’t leave the house much and I booked a table at a really nice restaurant he came along but was angry I did this and didn’t speak to me the whole time and when he finished his dinner he just got up and walked to his car to go. Even for my cousins wedding he got an invite and said why should I go I won’t enjoy it but it is his sisters daughters wedding! He didn’t go and my boyfriend had to step in to take his place. He will barely drive out of his town either, I am struggling to still understand his behaviour and doesn’t seem to have an ounce of care for me at all, does this sound like at all he has aspergers or autism?

He barely shows any emotion too and if I screamed and cried over a spider he would say there is something wrong with me, or if I cry when he’s being aggressive he says again that I have something wrong with me for showing emotion etc I would love someone to get back to me or give me so advice as I am at witts end with how to deal with him, it feels like he is so bitter about everything and isolating himself away

 

[Bolletje]

Could be he is on the spectrum, could be he isn't. We can't diagnose him for you.

 

[Isadoorian]

I agree with Bolletje; if you want some closure of sorts, he'd need to get an Assessment done by a Psychiatrist who deals with Autism and the Autistic Spectrum

 

[onlything]

Whatever he is, sounds really toxic.

 

[Tom]

It definately sounds like a possibility, that he is on the spectrum. HFA wasn't really recognized much in his/my generation. I only started hearing about 'Aspergers' in the 90's.

It does not sound like much can be done at this point, except damage control to yourself. I doubt he would want to listen to anything about ASD or go for a diagnosis. But I don't know. Perhaps he could be approached indirectly.

Just an odd thought. If he does not apprerciate anything for himself, perhaps he might react favorably to your bringing something special for his dogs. I have 4 dogs and love them to death. I love my wife and family more, but those dogs come before the rest of humanity.

 

[mw2530]

When I read your post all it seems like it is all about you, you, you, you. Maybe he feels your judgement towards him everytime you are with him or communicate. Maybe he chose not to go to your cousin's wedding because he feels lonelier in large gatherings than he feels when he is alone. Maybe he is tired of getting ridiculed by others when attempting to socialize. Maybe he is bitter for having lived a lifetime of being misunderstood by other people. It is difficult to appreciate gifts if you struggle with a basic function of human existence of communicating and connecting to other people. Who knows, but if he is in fact an aspie, then these items could explain his behavior. Instead of looking at how you have been hurt by his behavior, look more at his life. It probably has less to do with you, and more to do with his unhappiness living in a less than accepting world for those who don't conform.

 

[WittyAspie]

Obviously only a medical professional can give him a diagnosis, but from what you have said you are most likely correct. He doesn’t like social rules because they make him uncomfortable so he refuses to follow them. Discomfort and/or cluelessness in social situations is classic Asperger’s.

His disregard for others is NOT typical of the Aspies I know on here. Most of us wish we could do something about the social rules we dislike, but we do our best to adapt and not purposefuly hurt others. Our cluelessness can cause misunderstandings and hurt, but the same goes for how people often treat those on the spectrum.

So yes, your dad probably has AS. No, that does not explain the worst of his behavior. There is something else going on in addition to AS.