Have you been manipulated? How did you deal with it?

[Aspie_With_Attitude]

I have left a video link to my more recent video upload shedding light how it feels to be manipulated and be under somebody else's regime not to be your own person or embrace your true emotions. My experience as a teenager of being manipulated is explained in my video content.

What are your experiences when you were manipulated, had somebody else pulling your strings and taking advantages of your weaknesses to have an upper hand? How did you cope and how would have most likely ended it?

 

[Adora]

This rings very true for me. I have been manipulated for most of my life and I was manipulated by my family and others aswell. My mother was very emotionally manipulative with me and knew what buttons to push and use to say that if people knew the real me they would hate me. I also had a ex boyfriend who took advantage of my trusting and gullible nature and I found out later on he use to tell the woman he was cheating on me with that I was dumb.

 

[James45]

I was manipulated consistently while growing up by my father, unconcious to this at the time it was only much later in life I realised, when someone close to me who knew my father pointed it out.

I now have concerns in most interactions if others are manipulating me. Not to sound too angelic but I can't conceive manipulation and could never do it to another person, it just doesn't compute in my brain, I understand it logically but practically I don't understand it. I do think this is an ASD thing.

The problem is not being able to 'compute' it makes you vulnerable to others doing it to you. This is further compounded by the fact that manipulative people seem to have sixth sense regarding identifying those who are easily manipulated.

I think it is related to the same part of the brain which can make autistics gullible, for some reason my baseline is that others are always telling me the 'truth' and obviously this is not always the case.

There is a complexity beyond the actual words people say that I just don't get.

 

[Suzette]

Oh yes, I have been manipulated and some still try.

My ex was a master manipulator. He tried the obvious tactics like telling me "but you are better at this than I am".

But he also a psychopathic gaslighter. For example, in the middle of ordinary conversation he would claim something I hadn't said. Weird stuff like "you just said you liked yellow" when I knew very well I had done no such thing.

One time I told him I wanted to put up a second towl bar as we had three people and needed more room for our towls. He twisted that one comment into comments about me being a bad mother.

Recently my mother and I had a bit of a disagreement about my adult sons table manners. She claimed my husband (who was not present) agreed with her. I asked my husband and he denied it. That was not the first time my mother has tried to drag up phantom support for her ideas, so I wasn't really suprised by my husbands denial.

Growing up and throughout my first marriage I was easy to manipulate. These kind of manipulations left me feeling confused and doubting myself. Before 30 or so I was especially nieve and willing to give others the benefit of doubt. If someone said something was my fault, I tried to figure out how to be different. If that didn't work I tried to be invisible and as unobtrusive as possible.

I didn't figure it out until I was 40.

Edit: I didn't watch the video as I think it will be triggering for me. This subject by it's self is triggering and I still have a lot of unresolved issues around this stuff. I think I would rather eat pancakes.

 

[Martha Ferris]

I have always been very aware of peoples attempts to manipulate me and have, for the most part, refused to allow them to unless I could turn it into an advantage for myself or there was another good reason to allow the behavior to exist.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The overt manipulation to gain advantage or wanting something from me has not happened in a long while, as a teen people who I thought of as friends never reciprocate when I would share. So I learned from that and have my antennae out when I sense people wanting something from me.

The most destructive manipulation for me as a teen and young adult were expectations communicated to me by adults and peers in various ways. Heeding them was how I coped just to get through the day with my isolation. That left me unable to advocate for myself. The only thing that helped was to devour self-help books and practice liking myself to realize that my interests and enthusiasms were an expression of my enjoyment of life and that I was an interesting and good man. Only then did I find my voice, my agency, and learn to advocate for myself.

[added] Thinking about things more, I think there were times that I was gullible to small cruelties. Once, going out with some other researchers after a week of hard work, I mentioned my difficulty noticing if any woman was interested in me. After a bit they pointed out a woman explaining that she was approachable and checking me out. So, I gathered my courage and went over. She acted offended that I would approach her. I was devastated and left immediately, leaving those guys to figure out how they were getting home since I drove. Stupid of them to even think I would be a chump after such treatment. Seeing them again at work I could barely handle my rage when they tried to excuse their action. Now I have a group of trusted friends that are the only people I believe. Anybody else has to earn my trust and it is one strike and yer out.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Most people can be manipulated into doing and saying things they might not otherwise do. I think the greatest and most efficient way to manipulate behavior is using lies based on truth to create a fear response. We see this sort of thing from politicians, media op-eds, people that are leaders, people with power and authority. All you need is a few talking points, based upon some small degree of truth, exaggerate that truth, and create a narrative around that exaggeration designed to influence behavior. Some people are quite talented at those techniques, saying it with emotion and passion to make it that much more believable. "People are saying...", "People are doing..." When in reality a few did or said it, out of 10s of millions,...but now, it's some sort of crisis that needs to be politicized and stamped out.

You can be manipulated by your so-called friends,...peer pressure. Say this or do that,...for fear of being rejected by the group.

As far as manipulated by a single person,...this happens as well. They say or do something that is quite irritating and you respond,...sometimes foolishly,...sometimes rightfully so.

Personally, at one time or another I have been manipulated into doing things I might not otherwise do. Usually though, it was in response to some sort of false narrative based upon a truth. Hindsight is 20/20, and it isn't until much later that I realized I didn't have all my facts lined up to counteract that manipulation attempt. When you're young and more emotional, you're more likely to make these hasty mistakes. When you're older and have made note of these past mistakes, your "BS meter" is more finely tuned, you ask more questions, and take the time to get your facts straight before reacting.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

In my marriage and the relationship that led up to it, I was extremely manipulated. I didn't trust anyone for a long time after that. I think just giving yourself permission to trust others, and seeing the good in people really has helped.

I could hug you for pointing that out. I think those permissions are necessary to find connection.

 

[QuestJan]

Gaslighting infuriates me. I do not suffer lies well and the gaslighter is lucky if they get away from me fast enough.

I try to trust but people don't trust me and do me harm. Vicious cycle. Animals and children trust me easily. The more I know people the better I like my dog.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Another, more common form of manipulation is the use of indirect language,...probably more of a neurotypical experience, though. Your wife says, "I am cold." and you get up and turn up the thermostat. Your wife says, "The trash stinks." and you gather up the trash and take it outside to the bin. Your wife says, "The grass is getting long." and you find yourself pushing the lawnmower around the yard. At no point did she tell you to do anything,...you just responded.

Thank God, I had some sense early in our relationship to get her to use direct language with me,...it was quite irritating to her that I didn't respond to her indirect language. She would just look at me like I was thick in the head,...I didn't respond to any of her so-called hints. Thinking back, especially not knowing I was on the spectrum at the time,...quite funny.

 

[Suzette]

Another, more common form of manipulation is the use of indirect language,...probably more of a neurotypical experience, though. Your wife says, "I am cold." and you get up and turn up the thermostat. Your wife says, "The trash stinks." and you gather up the trash and take it outside to the bin. Your wife says, "The grass is getting long." and you find yourself pushing the lawnmower around the yard. At no point did she tell you to do anything,...you just responded.

Thank God, I had some sense early in our relationship to get her to use direct language with me,...it was quite irritating to her that I didn't respond to her indirect language. She would just look at me like I was thick in the head,...I didn't respond to any of her so-called hints. Thinking back, especially not knowing I was on the spectrum at the time,...quite funny.

Conversely, I will say I am cold but do not expect anyone but me to do something about it.
My ex always assumed I was making hints and would get annoyed with me. I never thought that was fair.

 

[Aspychata]

Getting so much better at not responding to being manipulated. I just call you on it. Gaslighting, it's manipulation, can you call it out,l can. I see it very clearly. I see you trying to manipulate me. I stand up for myself.☺

As you age,so many try to trick you about your version and their version, especially if they are liars. I called out a female yesterday on this. I was polite but firm. In the past l wouldn't have called her on it. Now l speak up.

 

[SDRSpark]

I was manipulated consistently while growing up by my father, unconcious to this at the time it was only much later in life I realised, when someone close to me who knew my father pointed it out.

I now have concerns in most interactions if others are manipulating me. Not to sound too angelic but I can't conceive manipulation and could never do it to another person, it just doesn't compute in my brain, I understand it logically but practically I don't understand it. I do think this is an ASD thing.

The problem is not being able to 'compute' it makes you vulnerable to others doing it to you. This is further compounded by the fact that manipulative people seem to have sixth sense regarding identifying those who are easily manipulated.

I think it is related to the same part of the brain which can make autistics gullible, for some reason my baseline is that others are always telling me the 'truth' and obviously this is not always the case.

There is a complexity beyond the actual words people say that I just don't get.

This is 100% my experience too - it just doesn't make sense, so I can't fathom other people doing it because why would they? Intellectually I understand it, but I just can't wrap my head around it from any other angle. I tend to take things at face value and expect others to do the same.