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Have you ever been bullied by someone who criticized your lifestyle and then they twist it around saying THEY’RE being bullied by you?

2

2Fragile2TakeCriticism

Black sheep in my own community
V.I.P Member
In my experience, I was bullied for quite a few things, my autism, my weight, my eating habits, etc. I’ll have to specific however on one of them though, even though I may have already stated something similar in one of my earlier threads lol

As some of you may know (and those who don’t know), I have ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). Specifically I cannot stand the taste of vegetables so I tend to go for a more meat-based diet. The problem is however, I get marginalized for eating such foods because apparently I’m being “unethical” and I’m “supporting murder”. Then I try to make a point regarding my personal preferences and mental health issues, people will dismiss it and act like what they’re saying is right.

When I call them out, they’ll deflect it upon me and state that I just want people to think I’m right and they’re wrong. In reality however, I’m only just living my life the way I feel best suits me. But then comes the projection, the belief that I (and the people of my lifestyle) am bullying THEM (the people who claim to be vegans). I can understand that some carnivores bully vegans, but to use that as a defense mechanism against an individual’s personal preferences is outright ridiculous to be honest.

Truth is, you cannot win with such arguments. Ever. I don’t engage with these kinds of people anymore. This is not to attack veganism or anyone who is vegan because I know there are nice vegans out there, it’s just that in my experience I end up stumbling upon the mean ones far more often.

Now that’s out of the way, are there any instances you or someone you know has experiences that are similar to this? (doesn’t have to be food related, can be anything excluding political related issues)
 
Sure. I have very detailed considerations for such people.
But, icees exist so why bother?
 
Sure. Older brother is a flaming lover of self.

Last time I visited, his behavior was outlandish. When I said I would take a room in town, he berated me for being such a poor houseguest, having insulted his hospitality. Totally typical.
 
@2Fragile2TakeCriticism
"...are there any instances you or someone you know has experiences that are similar...?"

Once it's established that you're not the only one,
how interested are you to know how others have dealt with similar situations?
 
Such social dynamics all tie into a main premise that most of us in this community must inevitably deal with:

* There are a scant few who will try to understand us and succeed.
* There are a few more who will try to understand and fail.

* Leaving a vast majority who are not interested in understanding, and expect or even demand that we conform to their way of thinking, even if it is not pathologically possible.

We've all been subjected to such "no-win scenarios" reflecting an unsolvable disparity between a social majority and a social minority. No need to "preach to the choir" in this instance.
 
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tree said:
And maybe there will be some
variation of communication technique
that you can adapt for yourself for
further ease in conversations such as
you describe.
Click to expand...
BUT, what if some cases you’re unable to have communication variety in the conversations or fix any communicative errors because perhaps there actually were NO errors to begin with for the person experiencing the bullying, and the other side is just clearly behaving stubborn? What if those cases were unsolvable in terms of resolving communication issues and the only solution to bettering yourself in those situations is to walk away?

In short, please stop pointing fingers at people who are simply trying to have a voice about their experiences in this thread.
 
I was answering your question.

You said "And? " which to me implied you wanted
to know more.

I must have been mistaken.
But I was definitely not " pointing fingers" at any one,
whatever you mean by that.

:)
 
tree said:
I was answering your question.

You said "And? " which to me implied you wanted
to know more.

I must have been mistaken.
Click to expand...
When I say “and?”, I’m actually implying “so what’s the big deal?”. I honestly don’t want to know more about what your part.

“But I was definitely not " pointing fingers" at any one,
whatever you mean by that.”

When I say “pointing fingers”, I’m clarifying that you were simply expecting victims of bullying to take responsibility for the bad behavior of others, no other way around. And being in denial about it is not helpful either.

EDIT: Just because you think the victim of bullying could’ve just changed their behavior or communication skills in those situations doesn’t make it excusable to blame the victim as a whole. Bullying is STILL bullying.
 
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2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
When I say “and?”, I’m actually implying “so what’s the big deal?”. I honestly don’t want to know more about what your part.

“But I was definitely not " pointing fingers" at any one,
whatever you mean by that.”

When I say “pointing fingers”, I’m clarifying that you were simply expecting victims of bullying to take responsibility for the bad behavior of others, no other way around. And being in denial about it is not helpful either.

EDIT: Just because you think the victim of bullying could’ve just changed their behavior or communication skills in those situations doesn’t make it excusable to blame the victim as a whole. Bullying is STILL bullying.
Click to expand...
No, wasn't doing that.

I thought your 'and' meant you were interested in how other people dealt
with difficult situations.

But it looks as if you mostly want to have a thread about people disclosing
unpleasant conversations that occur, not comparing methods of dealing
with them.
 
tree said:
No, wasn't doing that.
Click to expand...
Fine then, stay in denial, not my place to tell you how you should behave respectfully toward victims of bullying anyway.

“I thought your 'and' meant you were interested in how other people dealt
with difficult situations.

But it looks as if you mostly want to have a thread about people disclosing
unpleasant conversations that occur, not comparing methods of dealing
with them.”

Your definition of “and” is not going to fit everyone’s. And my intention of listening to others’ experiences is not about how victims COULD HAVE changed themselves regarding bullying. It was the “at the moment” type of reaction and most of the time, you cannot make yourself act the way people want you to act, because in their experiences, their reactions are going to be natural. You cannot change that.

Look, threads are not always going to look for solutions. Not everyone WANTS solutions, they just want to get things off their chest and see if others can RELATE. If you have to misinterpret my statement to appease to your thinking, that’s not our problem.
 
Your definition of “and” is not going to fit everyone’s.

If you notice, neither does yours.
 
Not everyone WANTS solutions, they just want to get things off their chest and see if others can RELATE.

If you had stated that in your first post,
that would have been informative.

You are looking for companionship, to feel that others
have had similar experiences. ( ?)

And nothing beyond that?
 
tree said:
Not everyone WANTS solutions, they just want to get things off their chest and see if others can RELATE.

If you had stated that in your first post,
that would have been informative.

You are looking for companionship, to feel that others
have had similar experiences. ( ?)

And nothing beyond that?
Click to expand...
That’s not my fault if you didn’t get that in the first place. You sound like you’re the only person here that is confused about what I’m saying, yet you decided to reply here with this kind of logic.

It would’ve just been helpful if you stop telling people what they should do with their posts because it makes us feel like we’re walking on eggshells around you.
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
Have you ever been bullied by someone who criticized your lifestyle and then they twist it around saying THEY’RE being bullied by you?
Click to expand...
My ex-wife would find fault with everything I said or did until I hardly spoke or did anything around her at all, then she blamed me for being so "cold and lazy", and that it was all my fault that she felt miserable.
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
That’s not my fault if you didn’t get that in the first place. You sound like you’re the only person here that is confused about what I’m saying, yet you decided to reply here with this kind of logic.
Click to expand...
This is an example of what gets you into these situations in the first place.

You choose to polarize discussions, or to engage with others who polarize discussions.

2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
When I call them out, they’ll deflect it upon me and state that I just want people to think I’m right and they’re wrong. In reality however, I’m only just living my life the way I feel best suits me.
Click to expand...

There's nothing wrong with "calling people out" of course. This is a valid adult choice.

But both sides know they're doing it, or should after the first couple of times.

But it's not a "defeat" to ignore lunatics, even when they criticize you over trivia. When the discussion is over, the lunatics are still crazy, and the "other side" will continue to live their lives as they wish.

Even if you know how to "win" the result is the same. Neither side changes their attitudes or behavior.
So what does this actually net out to? The answer is useful (for example, it helps people improve their "pig wrestling" skills):

People engage in this kind of discussion as a hobby activity. Or if they're crazy enough, it's a compulsion.

* The goal of people who don't find it amusing should always be to disengage gracefully. This should be done without any drama. For example, no assertions of right/wrong, no passive/aggressive stingers, etc).
* People who do find it amusing must accept the consequences of participation. If you want to play the game, you must accept the rules. And if you enjoy it, get good at it.

Harder for ASDs than NT's? Yes it is. But Impossibly difficult? Generally no.
 
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A PS to the post above - lost because I got a biz call while editing :s
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So my answer to the title of your thread:

No - I never get bullied over trivia. Nor do any of the supposedly bad things you describe in your first post ever happen to me.

I choose my "fights".
I've learned how to disengage without "raising the temperature".
I don't let my "ego" influence my debating tactics.

That doesn't mean I "win" all the time, Nor that I can necessary persuade others to my point of view. Neither of those is possible.
But it ensures that debates about opposing viewpoints don't make me uncomfortable, unhappy, or stressed, which is sufficient.
 
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