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Have you got a valentines?

Forest Cat said:
I used to have. I dont have now. But I have a friend who I sort of accidentally did something for on Valentines day and it was not the disaster it could have been. So that`s nice. And a little weird.
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Awww that's sweet, thanks for commenting!!
 
I think I accidentally hurt my valentines feelings haha…

This Wednesday, at was at my church’s high school youth group for “mafia game nights” we have every so often. The game mafia, for people who don’t know, is a game in which a group of which I think no less than five people, all stand in a circle and pick a card. Whoever has a card that is not a king is a townsperson and whoever has a king is part of the mafia. After that, people spread out and try not to be killed by said mafia. Whenever people do get killed though and their body is found, everyone gathers around the body to call a “town meeting.” I go to a decently sized church so I was playing with a big group of noisy, loud, sometimes strong smelling teenagers.

So, my friend here, usually likes to hang out with me since, a couple months before we both confessed that we like each other. Here’s where things get complicated. From the beginning of my friendship with him, my feelings were always confusing. Like I obsessed over him a lot but at the same time I wanted to stay away from him. I also completely missed the signals that he liked me, so there’s that. We started the hang out together more, he asked me out (which our date went good) and eventually we confessed to each other but my mixed feelings never went away. I also believe that high school relationships are a waste of time so I said that I wanted to wait on dating.

Fast forward to this month and I’m definitely not as obsessed as I used to be. I still want to hang out but in a more platonic matter. Which is hard because I know he still likes me. I feel bad cause at this point, I wish things between me and went back to a few months ago to when we didn’t confess.

Fast forward again to this Wednesday while we were playing mafia and things were going pretty good first game. We were hanging out a little during the town meetings and saying hi when we bumped into each other while walking around the church. It wasn’t until the second game where things went downhill. His friend gave him a piece of gum and it is one of my MAJOR triggers. The sounds people make when they chew it, the look, the smells, especially the fruity smells. It’s painful to even think about it. So we were in one of the towns meetings and he was right next to me, chewing it LOUDLY. I could take all the bright lights and the loud, obnoxious teenagers but at that moment, it was unbearable and was seconds away from having a meltdown. I went to the other side of room and started avoiding him from that point on. It got really irritating, as he would actively follow me, which I don’t condone him for. He didn’t really know what was going on we me but it was still really irritating none the less. I also hate when anybody follows me, cause that’s when I’m usually overloaded and need to be alone. Top that off with poor communication skills and you have someone’s feelings hurt. In this case his.

I was venting to my mom about this and this is when I realized I might have hurt him. He was no where to be seen when I was getting ready to leave and he usually says goodbye. What makes things worse is that we exchanged valentines to each other that day. I feel really bad and want to reconcile but I don’t know how to approach it. Whenever I try to do stuff like that it usually ends in disaster. That actually just happened with my best friend and I’m trying to make amends with her at the moment. At this point, I kinda wish I didn’t have any friends and just be alone. But, that wouldn’t do me any good.

Sorry for the long post, but this has been eating away at me and neurotypical advice hasn’t been any help and has honestly made me feel worse. (I’ve been having trouble communicating with my best friend and it comes off as me ignoring her. Apparently other people have been perceiving it as that too.) I’m kinda a mess right now, so any advice helps.
 
angeldog12 said:
I think I accidentally hurt my valentines feelings haha…

This Wednesday, at was at my church’s high school youth group for “mafia game nights” we have every so often. The game mafia, for people who don’t know, is a game in which a group of which I think no less than five people, all stand in a circle and pick a card. Whoever has a card that is not a king is a townsperson and whoever has a king is part of the mafia. After that, people spread out and try not to be killed by said mafia. Whenever people do get killed though and their body is found, everyone gathers around the body to call a “town meeting.” I go to a decently sized church so I was playing with a big group of noisy, loud, sometimes strong smelling teenagers.

So, my friend here, usually likes to hang out with me since, a couple months before we both confessed that we like each other. Here’s where things get complicated. From the beginning of my friendship with him, my feelings were always confusing. Like I obsessed over him a lot but at the same time I wanted to stay away from him. I also completely missed the signals that he liked me, so there’s that. We started the hang out together more, he asked me out (which our date went good) and eventually we confessed to each other but my mixed feelings never went away. I also believe that high school relationships are a waste of time so I said that I wanted to wait on dating.

Fast forward to this month and I’m definitely not as obsessed as I used to be. I still want to hang out but in a more platonic matter. Which is hard because I know he still likes me. I feel bad cause at this point, I wish things between me and went back to a few months ago to when we didn’t confess.

Fast forward again to this Wednesday while we were playing mafia and things were going pretty good first game. We were hanging out a little during the town meetings and saying hi when we bumped into each other while walking around the church. It wasn’t until the second game where things went downhill. His friend gave him a piece of gum and it is one of my MAJOR triggers. The sounds people make when they chew it, the look, the smells, especially the fruity smells. It’s painful to even think about it. So we were in one of the towns meetings and he was right next to me, chewing it LOUDLY. I could take all the bright lights and the loud, obnoxious teenagers but at that moment, it was unbearable and was seconds away from having a meltdown. I went to the other side of room and started avoiding him from that point on. It got really irritating, as he would actively follow me, which I don’t condone him for. He didn’t really know what was going on we me but it was still really irritating none the less. I also hate when anybody follows me, cause that’s when I’m usually overloaded and need to be alone. Top that off with poor communication skills and you have someone’s feelings hurt. In this case his.

I was venting to my mom about this and this is when I realized I might have hurt him. He was no where to be seen when I was getting ready to leave and he usually says goodbye. What makes things worse is that we exchanged valentines to each other that day. I feel really bad and want to reconcile but I don’t know how to approach it. Whenever I try to do stuff like that it usually ends in disaster. That actually just happened with my best friend and I’m trying to make amends with her at the moment. At this point, I kinda wish I didn’t have any friends and just be alone. But, that wouldn’t do me any good.

Sorry for the long post, but this has been eating away at me and neurotypical advice hasn’t been any help and has honestly made me feel worse. (I’ve been having trouble communicating with my best friend and it comes off as me ignoring her. Apparently other people have been perceiving it as that too.) I’m kinda a mess right now, so any advice helps.
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You can rant to me.
 
i haven`t had one in 6 years.i feel like no woman wants anything to do with me because of how severely awkward i appear to them upon eye-contact.it`s the fault of those women of that kind aspies like myself can`t be found a girlfriend,even if i`m bisexual.i`ve had extreme hate & anger towards those women & anything else lovey-dovey like valentine`s day ever since :mad: :angry: :imp: :rage:.
 
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Single and happy to be so. Have attempted dating before and ended up with one very solid friendship and two hilariously bad experiences. Found out I am mostly interested in the companionship aspect of it anyway--and only later on will I really bother getting serious about finding a wife. Maybe. If I think about it. Maybe I won't bother, and that is fine too.
 
My Valentine is my spouse. I keep saying that we were fated to meet eventually by the red string of fate. She changed my life when she was the first woman who accepted me sexually (when I was devoid of hope that such would ever happen) and we are still together 44 years later.
 
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Gerontius said:
Single and happy to be so. Have attempted dating before and ended up with one very solid friendship and two hilariously bad experiences. Found out I am mostly interested in the companionship aspect of it anyway--and only later on will I really bother getting serious about finding a wife. Maybe. If I think about it. Maybe I won't bother, and that is fine too.
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I’m only interested in the companionship aspect too :p
Sex, nope. Romance, meh. Having someone to talk to, cuddle with, and… mostly talk to… absolutely.
 
Not romatically.
Companionship, yes.

Someone who calls me his "buddy" ask me out for Valentine's dinner and gave me a bouquet and card.
We both agree there is no romantic attraction between us, but, we are both seniour citizens
with no family or friends.
So, I guess "the buddy system" is accurate.
I have been going through a lot of health problems and I think he thought it would cheer me up.
 
Gerontius said:
Single and happy to be so. Have attempted dating before and ended up with one very solid friendship and two hilariously bad experiences. Found out I am mostly interested in the companionship aspect of it anyway--and only later on will I really bother getting serious about finding a wife. Maybe. If I think about it. Maybe I won't bother, and that is fine too.
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Do what you are comfortable with my friend, never rush into things! You're amazing and someone special will be able to see that!
 
jared mills said:
i haven`t had one in 6 years.i feel like no woman wants anything to do with me because of how i appear to them upon eye-contact.it`s their fault aspies like myself can`t be found a girlfriend,even if i`m bisexual.i`ve had extreme hatred & anger towards anything lovey-dovey things like valentine`s day ever since :mad: :angry: :imp: :rage:.
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I'm Bisexual, and I understand, it's okay to have hatred against anything lovey dovey, you can find a girlfriend, just finding the right one takes time and it's good to not rush into things. Yes it seems things have happened that because you have autism, you think you can't find anyone but you're the same person someone who hasn't got autism is, you're no different you still are fantastic!
 
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