Having doubts

[The Phantom]

A lot of times I have no doubt that I've got Aspergers, but other times I feel like maybe I'm stretching it. My friends and parents aren't really helping, they all think I can't possibly have it.

All the friends I've tried to talk to have said that even though every one on the spectrum is different, and that so many people here have told me I sound a lot like them, they say that it's 'unlikely' (no really, EVERYONE who doubts it says exactly that). My parents have probably not even had it cross their minds, and they think I'm just being oversensitive and lazy.
They all think this just because I can talk to people without breaking into tears, and because I have some friends (we'll get to that later), and so on. They tell me that I don't have it (even when they admit to knowing nothing about it, and acknowledging that I have done far more research on the topic than them), and no matter how many bloody times people here have told me my behaviors sound like Aspergers. It's like they refuse anything other than the sterotype.
But even I have my doubts sometimes.
Today I had practice for my school play (I'm a drama kid in case you couldn't tell lol), and I talked to my friends, and I could make eye contact (although after way too long i had to break it off). And I could talk to some of the kids in my class today and not get nervous (though I'm usually kinda nervous around them.)
But the thing is, I only talk to my friends when I want to talk about something I like, or about a certain subject I want to talk about (I always thought this was the case, I don't have that many friends who I only talk to because I want to talk to them). A lot of itmes I keep on bringing a certain subject up that's already passed because I want to hear people talk about it again. But when my friends try and make random small talk about whatever when I'm trying to just relax I get kinda annoyed and try to steer away conversation as much as possible. I know it's kinda rude but I can't help it sometimes. I raise my voice a lot at home and my mom tells me to quiet down or the neighbors (down the hall) will hear, and a lot of times when I get excited I can speak too loudly on the bus. When my mom is being superstitious, I tell her she's being silly and she get's mad, saying I'm always 'huffing' or basically acting better than her/pretensious whenever she says something. A lot of times I can gross adults out when discussing symptoms of my stomach virus (LOL) and don't understand how they get grossed out my natural functions (I didn't say anything graphic at all, I just mentioned throwing up and diarrhea (in a throwaway sentence) and they got grossed out. I sometimes ask my mom a question that sounds over-anxious and she'll make a face/ tap me to tell me to stop but sometimes I don't understand why exactly what I'm asking is such a problem (Jeez, is asking if I got more tan such a sensitive subject to some people?)
But just because I've got freinds and I can talk to people, I'm refused consideration. Don't they know I have friends I talk to, but a lot get annoyed with me and think I'm too persistent, and that I don't have anyone who will hang out with me after school (besides one person) and give me a cookie on my birthday (or something, I'm not asking for a cookie lol it's just that people do it at my school). Don't they know how sad I feel when I see other kids in my grade or a grade above me being with their friends in a whole group, having fun, laughing, having someone who'll be there to talk to you, etc? And just in general people who help them feel less like a weirdo? I once saw a bunch of kids in the grade above me all laughing and hanging out, having so much fun, and even though I was in a public place (prep before our school musical) I started to burst into tears.
I'm friendly with people, but it doesn't mean they always want to talk to me. After school, if I don't have an additional activity I just go home, and stay in my room on my computer, and I bring food in there too.
Today in the elevator, I was with my brothers friend who I recognize, but I couldn't even look at him if he was staring my way. I went up about 30 floors while staring away, and I saw him ooking at me cause i know he recognizes me as my brother sister. EVen with my teachers sometimes I don't like making eye contact with them. I find it easier to make eye contact with younger grades, but older kids an adults I have a harder time. If an adult raises their voice or expresses disappointment in me I start to get tears, and sometimes even cry.

Also, while unrelated to social stuff, one of the biggest asperger traits I can think of at the top of my head is I HATE CHANGE with a fiery passion. My building renovations made me upset, a lot of times when people change their surname I get sad (though it varies), when Google changed their logo recently I go really p!ssed, (heck, I still am) and even when people change their profile picture or their name I get kinda sad that I didn't 'document' it (aka screen shot, or picture, depending on what I'm talking about). I got royally mad when my school changed their uniform shirts and added a new color. There are a lot of different examples.

Lol that was an incoherent rant, but any thoughts on this?

 

[Suzanne]

I think the worst part of having aspergers is the total lack of understanding; mockery and outright blaze and brushing things away!

Unless one LOOKS different it becomes like a "silent illness" and not only do we have to battle being aspies but battle against people who are just ignorant and plain unfair to us! And the worst is when they REFUSE to even try to understand.

I go through pretty much the same thing, but there are a few ones who have got to REALLY know me and they do try their best to understand. Like one who, although has a rotten memory, does seem to try and at least get me. For example: she wants us to go out together preaching ( we are Jehovah's Witnesses) and said: Suzanne, remind me at the meeting if I forget and I said: I am glad you said that, because I wouldn't remind you, thinking that perhaps you have changed your mind and she said back: that is why I am COMMANDING you to remind me, because I know that is what would happen. Also, when I get excited like I was eager to show her how to download something and she said: let me just do something and then you can show me and even said later: hey Suzanne, you wanted to show me something?

I am rather awful at not being able to regulate my voice and my husband is often saying: please, please lower your voice, Suzanne and I honestly had not been aware that I was speaking very loud and yep, when enthusiastic about something.

As for eye contact: I have exactly the same problem. I can look up to a certain point and then it gets tiring and have to look away! Those I feel uncomfortable around, it is very hard to keep eye contact, but it is also very embarrassing to look away and so, I do the best I can.

One woman recently said to me that she thought I would never stop talking and when I told her I have aspergers ( not for that reason) she goes: ahhh that is why? Now I know why you went on and on. Yes it did hurt at the time, since it was the first time I met her but after reflecting, I see she was very rude actually, because she was ASKING me questions and I was trying to answer!

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to meet another human! But then other times, some are so nice, I can't help but loving human company! Not saying I am special, because oh wow, that would be just so not true!!

If you have been professionally diagnosed, then really your family should be ashamed of themselves. It gets complicated when one is self diagnosed!

 

[Beverly]

Were you to meet me in person, I'd be friendly, outgoing, talkative and, probably the life of the party (or the entertainment for the party.) I'd make eye contact, glance away between sentences, then connect again. I wouldn't stare or laugh or smile at the wrong time and, I'd end up surrounded by people, friends and strangers.

That's because we'd meet in public and, there my facades would be fully erected. Now make friends and go home with me and, you'd see the real me. I go on for hours about one topic, I talk to you while I do other things, rarely look you in the eye. I ignore you when I'm doing music or on my computer and, basically act as if I don't care if you are in my home or not. I'm not a socialite by nature but, I am darned good at acting like one in public.

 

[DC1346]

A lot of times I have no doubt that I've got Aspergers, but other times I feel like maybe I'm stretching it. My friends and parents aren't really helping, they all think I can't possibly have it.

Hello!

I'm an aspie teacher who teaches Culinary Arts.

I'd like to address the thought I highlighted above. It sounds as though you have a self diagnosis rather than a clinical diagnosis. Am I correct? It also sounds like you're still in school. Is this high school and if so, is this in the United States?

The reason i ask is that Federal law under IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) protects the rights of special education students. If you are in the United States and if you are attending high school, the law entitles you to a free evaluation and diagnosis at no cost to you or your family. The evaluation would be conducted by a clinical psychologist who works for your school district.

I am not suggesting that you actually need special education services but wouldn't it be nice to know one way or the other if you actually HAVE Asperger's Syndrome?

If you are in a U.S. high school, talk to a counselor about your concerns.

Best wishes!

David

 

[RidingDutchman]

Perhaps an idea here for eye contact issues

I struggle to look at eyes as well, what I tend to often do is look at the bridge of a persons nose or their mouth as they talk, makes me more easily able to focus on what somebody says (especially when in a busy environment) because you can sorta read their lips and such. When asking people about it they all told me I make eye contact while I pretty much never do.

Furthermore, I think many have the same issue as you have that people won't agree with your diagnosis. One of my very best friends told me he thought it was "hard to believe" and an other just down right told me that my psych is wrong and then blamed the psych for trying to give every possible person a diagnosis just to make money (when asked about it, he doesn't know anything about aspergers aside from one high functioning (the way he described it sounded very similar to classic) autistic student at his school).
My sister kept making fun of me about it, my dad told me "everybody has those issues" and pretty much only my mom and girlfriend are actually researching it and stuff.

Not that I want to rant on my own, but just so you can see that you aren't alone in this. Like has been stated above, if you don't have an official diagnosis, maybe getting one might make people much more likely to believe it.

And if not
Shower your parents in links about Asperger information and force them to read it, that's how i converted my mom

 

[The Phantom]

Hello!

I'm an aspie teacher who teaches Culinary Arts.

I'd like to address the thought I highlighted above. It sounds as though you have a self diagnosis rather than a clinical diagnosis. Am I correct? It also sounds like you're still in school. Is this high school and if so, is this in the United States?

The reason i ask is that Federal law under IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) protects the rights of special education students. If you are in the United States and if you are attending high school, the law entitles you to a free evaluation and diagnosis at no cost to you or your family. The evaluation would be conducted by a clinical psychologist who works for your school district.

I am not suggesting that you actually need special education services but wouldn't it be nice to know one way or the other if you actually HAVE Asperger's Syndrome?

If you are in a U.S. high school, talk to a counselor about your concerns.

Best wishes!

David

Hi David! Thank you for your reply.

I don't have a clinical diagnosis, but I"m not excactly self-diagnosed either. I made this account to see if it was worthwhile looking into Aspergers as explanation for certian thing, and so far I've been told on this forum that my traits sound like Aspergers, and that I sound like I have aspergers. So I guess you could say I believe it's extremely likely that i have aspergers (after a lot of research), but I don't tell people I have it or anything, only that I'm suspecting it. And yes, I'm still in school Unfortunately, I do not live in the United States, so the rules are different here. In fact, the rules of diagnosis are too. I am seeing a counselor, and she told me that she doesn't have the authority to diagnose me, btu in the US it would be like 3 sessions and then they'd give you a diagnosis (for whatever condition). However, I am a US citizen, if that could be of any use to me. Also, I'm going to high school next year, just fyi in case that's useful. I do think I'll have to look into the rules here, but thank you for your help, and please tell me if you find out anything more! And I know I don't really need a diagnosis per say, but I am having trouble in school due to certain things that are related to my symptoms, so I think a diagnosis would certainly help.

Thanks!

Perhaps an idea here for eye contact issues

I struggle to look at eyes as well, what I tend to often do is look at the bridge of a persons nose or their mouth as they talk, makes me more easily able to focus on what somebody says (especially when in a busy environment) because you can sorta read their lips and such. When asking people about it they all told me I make eye contact while I pretty much never do.

Furthermore, I think many have the same issue as you have that people won't agree with your diagnosis. One of my very best friends told me he thought it was "hard to believe" and an other just down right told me that my psych is wrong and then blamed the psych for trying to give every possible person a diagnosis just to make money (when asked about it, he doesn't know anything about aspergers aside from one high functioning (the way he described it sounded very similar to classic) autistic student at his school).
My sister kept making fun of me about it, my dad told me "everybody has those issues" and pretty much only my mom and girlfriend are actually researching it and stuff.

Not that I want to rant on my own, but just so you can see that you aren't alone in this. Like has been stated above, if you don't have an official diagnosis, maybe getting one might make people much more likely to believe it.

And if not
Shower your parents in links about Asperger information and force them to read it, that's how i converted my mom

Yeah, I've gone to a counselor for just issues in general, but we've discussed getting evaluated for certain disorders. Problem is my parents always think that my problems aren't as bad as I make it out to be, only that I"m lazy and addicted to my computer. EVERY friend of mine I've tried to talk to tell me that they think it's highly unlikely that i have aspergers, even the ones who admit they know nothing on the subject. But luckily my counselor is a big help, and she might be able to convince my parents to get me evaluated.

Thanks for your reply!

 

[DC1346]

And yes, I'm still in school Unfortunately, I do not live in the United States, so the rules are different here. In fact, the rules of diagnosis are too. I am seeing a counselor, and she told me that she doesn't have the authority to diagnose me, btu in the US it would be like 3 sessions and then they'd give you a diagnosis (for whatever condition). However, I am a US citizen, if that could be of any use to me. Also, I'm going to high school next year, just fyi in case that's useful.

Are you in an DOD school? (Department of Defense) ... if so, IDEA should apply because these schools are under U.S. Federal control. If you're in an international American school, the host country laws will apply.

So if your counselor cannot help you, surely she knows who can and/or what you can do. Have you requested a referral for diagnosis?

If you are returning stateside next year, then yes - by all means, you should request testing through your new school ... but if there's any way to do this now, you'd save considerable time ... especially if this means that you could get treatment now.

You haven't mentioned your parents much ... are they aware of your problems? Have you talked to them?

 

[The Phantom]

Are you in an DOD school? (Department of Defense) ... if so, IDEA should apply because these schools are under U.S. Federal control. If you're in an international American school, the host country laws will apply.

So if your counselor cannot help you, surely she knows who can and/or what you can do. Have you requested a referral for diagnosis?

If you are returning stateside next year, then yes - by all means, you should request testing through your new school ... but if there's any way to do this now, you'd save considerable time ... especially if this means that you could get treatment now.

You haven't mentioned your parents much ... are they aware of your problems? Have you talked to them?

I'm not sure, but I don't think so. It's an American international school, so would the host country be the US or the country it's in (where I live?)

I'm seeing my counselor soon, so hopefully I will be able to talk to her again about seeking out a diagnosis for whatever she thinks might be the problem. There is a smal lchance I"m moving back, but as far as I know I will be staying here. I wnat to try and do this now before High School, especially since the workload will increase and there will be some issues because of that. And like you mentioned, earlier treatment.

As for my parents.... my mom actually laughed at the notion of me having Aspergers.... she thinks it's impossible. Both my parents believe that I compain about my other conditions (OCD and suspected ADD) too much, and that I"m making a huge deal out of it, especially since my older brother has problems too, but he gets along school fine (albeit, he get's in a lot of trouble). They think that because his OCD is very similar to tourettes (IN fact I'm pretty sure he might have a mild form of it) and so he has a lot of external issues, while for me, besides a few issues a lot of it is in my mind, so they can't see it. My brother had something of ADHD, while I have no hyperactivity and display mostly inattentiveness. They think we both have the same htings (OCD, ADD) so they think I'm just being lazy, whwen they don't realize the high probability of my having Aspergers, (and those symptoms affect me the most). I cry easily (from being yelled/scolded) and don't like to talk be forced to talk to people, or forced to do anything suddenly (because it throws off my schedule) but they think this is me being difficult (and more likely since I'm 13, they think I'm being an annoying hormonal teenager) but sometimes it can't be more in-your-face (my symptoms). I've recently started rocking back and forth (I've always been a leg-jiggler, though) and my mom said "You should try to stop rocking, you know. Autistic kids do that". You don't say? Lol. But yeah, feel free to ask more, there is way mroe, this is just at the top of my head.


Thanks!