Having trouble accepting people can't read my thoughts.

[Wolfnox]

I know it's strange.
But, i've had that belief awhile.
It's difficult for me to accept people are not able to do that.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

There are many here who will agree. While I was that way, I eventually matured socially and now enjoy, as friends, very accepting people.

 

[Kalinychta]

Are you talking about Theory of Mind, Wolfy?

 

[Suzanne]

My husband has always said this of me. I can't read your mind, you know and I am thinking: but, why can't you read my mind, when it seems logical to do so? That is, action; beit physical or words.

But, in truth, I often misread my husband's thinking ( so says him).

 

[AGXStarseed]

Yeah, I've seen/been in situations like this; usually when one of my sisters tells me to do something, I go to do it (not understanding that they said it sarcastically) and then they get surprised/angry and have to state what they actually meant.
Reminds me of this scene from Dragon Ball Super.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I remember feeling that was the case, as a young person. It tends to make us more passive, I think. I guess it's part of growing up without either being understood or understanding ourselves, and our own, different neurology? It's good that you have started to realise people can't read your mind. If you look into autism more, and talk with others here, hopefully it may help you work out more about how you are.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Its good that you are talking about it, and accepting that part of yourself.

Our expectations on others may lead us to feel they are not good enought. Its like we dont want to buy a car because we would like cars to fly.

As our expectations on others and specially on ourselves become closer to reality, its easier to feel better. Some religions are about that. Loving everybody or stopping to desire things are somewhat related to this.

 

[Owliet]

I know it's strange.
But, i've had that belief awhile.
It's difficult for me to accept people are not able to do that.

That’s ok. I have tried to master this myself and the most I get is a nose bleed....

 

[Callistemon]

Hello and welcome, @Wolfy Smurf!

I was thinking back to being a teenager and at about 12 or 13 I was occasionally afraid people could somehow read my mind, so I made efforts to purposely think something impersonal and uncompromising around other people, so they wouldn't know things I didn't want them to. I was totally aware it was irrational, like many other people's irrational notions over the number 13, black cats, walking under ladders etc, from which I didn't suffer in any way, shape or form, so it really annoyed me that there was something like this I didn't think, or rationally accept, but somehow got saddled with subconsciously anyway.

It didn't last long, but was initially replaced with another weird irrationality, from around age 14 to 16. This one was that if I was in the same room as pictures of public figures or posters of famous musicians or actors, it felt as if they could somehow see me - even though I knew this wasn't possible. I found that really disconcerting, and because I found no way to stop that weird notion, I ended up taking posters off my walls. But it would still happen with other people's posters and it made me act very self-consciously, as if on camera.

In my early 20s I read an Educational Psychology textbook which made me remember all this stuff and go, "Aha!" Apparently it's pretty normal for very young children to have imaginary friends, and for some teenagers to go through an "imaginary audience" stage where they feel as if they are being watched and it alters their behaviour, even though no live human is actually present. (And I speculated on the relationship between that phenomenon and the existence of religion.)

So there you go, people's minds can be doing all sorts of weird things, even if you're rationally aware that it's not real.

Sort of like optical illusions - we see them even if we know it's a trick.

 

[abirdinnewyork]

Make me think of others words to oneself:
"We're no mind readers." And then they say ones name, or not, to state they are the better ones?)

Uhm, just as fastly, in very short time many times, they say: "ofcourse we understand"
After very few more words anyway.

When did the important thing be to answer everything directly?

Yes don't one want to understand as much as possible early on?

But i think more often, try.
Time.. give explains.
Understanding s.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

In reality, I don't think anyone can actually read minds. Sure, you see close friends, siblings, spouses, finish each other's sentences, look at each other and laugh,...but that is not reading minds. There are trained observers,...psychologists, criminal investigators, even those charlatan "psychics",...people who are seemingly empathic,...but they are not reading minds. Now, throw in the autistic variable,...and there is almost no way. In fact, this is where we, as autistics, can get ourselves into further trouble when it comes to cross-examination by law enforcement,...as they are specifically trained to "read" neurotypicals,...and are subject to thinking errors when an autistic is placed in front of them. Not that any of our self-diagnosed brothers and sisters are going to have interactions with law enforcement,...but confessing you're autistic during an emotional time,...and then not having that "receipt" that says you are,...I cringe thinking about it.

My wife and I have resolved to the fact that we clearly do not read each other. I don't present with the neurotypical facial micro expressions, eye contact, voice inflection, and body language that one would expect,...and I have zero idea of what she is thinking because I simply can't read her. We actually have to communicate verbally. I know, sometimes it takes the fun out of things when we can't "elude to", "flirt", or give "hints",...and you just have to say it in plain, direct language.

I think this also gets into the topic of the importance of finding the proper ways to communicate with each other. My wife and I had to learn this early in our relationship,...and even not knowing I was autistic,...still had to go through the process of trial and error of finally coming up with a "system" that works for us. Silly things like,...you can't give me the "silent treatment" when you are angry with me,...I didn't know she was angry with me, I didn't know to try to find out what it was that made her that way, and I was happy for the silence. So, that didn't work for her. You can't flirt with me, giving me hints that you want a little physical attention,...that didn't work for her. I don't understand "indirect" language,...nor "read between the lines",...and when I communicate with you it's "direct language",...and I literally mean what I say,...no need to interpret anything. So, don't respond with,..."So, what you're saying is,..." because you will be wrong.

@Wolfy Smurf, if you are autistic, there is good chance you are unknowingly giving off confusing communication signals and you may be verbally communicating and interpreting things in a different manner than a neurotypical. Welcome to our world. Now that I know that I am autistic, have learned quite a bit from folks here on the forum, as well as my own research,...it's quite funny to look back at myself when I was young and ignorant of my situation. Some advice that has worked for me,...although you may have a quick wit and have a tendency to respond to people quickly,...just force yourself to pause, collect your thoughts, think of perspective and context,...and be specific and direct. Believe me, it takes some mental energy,...it doesn't come natural at first, but it will significantly improve your communication skills with the people around you. That way,...they don't need to be "mind readers".

 

[OkRad]

Organisms are mostly into competing for energy resource, be it light, water, minerals, amino acids, etc. Humans are no different and have evolved to care for self first like all organisms. I doubt Neanderthals grappled with concept of "self" vs "other" or wrangling over some kind of Pre-Sartre "Concept of Being".

We live in pods like geese or bacteria and they show signs of emotion but we cannot read their thoughts. Dogs and cats show all sorts of emotion. A single bacteria closed off into solitary confinement will show signs of frustration. Neanderthals probably felt love. So emotions are one thing, but somehow we evolved into such bizarre thought patterns that it is absolutely impossible to understand someone else's thoughts let alone our own.

Further, emotions can be "seen" while thoughts cannot. When they place people in fMRI's, they can tell an emotion with startling accuracy, but not too great at the thought. Example Hitler might show excessive activity is one part of the brain, maybe even blazing hot! But I doubt anyone could have ever guessed his thoughts or intentions.

Thoughts are extrapolated upon previous thought and are also based on experience. Then, there are people who have unwanted thoughts which gum everything up and you can't tell those because people often don't express them.

So I don't spend a lot of time tinkering with others' thoughts unless they choose to express them which can help screen people out for sure, but I DO try very hard to discern emotion and watch actions...... because you can really tell a lot about a person if they are screaming all over the place. Likewise, a too quiet person might make you wonder unless you see they are reading astrophysics textbooks or something.

When I was in therapy I refused all kinds of therapy that didn't deal with just the emotions, (like DBT) because once they start on the whole thinking thing, you get into a massive cavernous pit of misunderstanding and confusion and faked agreements, etc.

In person, I try to explain my thoughts to those who care but that's about it and I don't expect anyone on God's green earth to follow the labyrinth of my mind and would never imagine coming close to understanding someone else's maze of thoughts.

 

[Wolfnox]

Thanks all.
Working threw it.
I also feel kinda sad that there is no connection like that among people.
Like the idea of sending someone love when there in a dark place.
Well aware of the down sides to this.