So I just awoke from THE MOST satisfying, exciting and healing dream. In it my kids were young, babies and small children, going up to under 10. We lived in a converted bus (we actually did when the 4 older kids were little). In this bus, the dream bus, we had a campfire in the middle of the bus (go figure, it's a dream) and I had to keep it going all the time, to make the bus go.
My ex was still with us, but instead of me and the kid's enduring years and years of misery living with him, in this dream, the police arrested him when I was a young woman, while we lived in the bus, which meant I was in charge of keeping us alive in the bus, and I still didn't drive it, it sort of careened around, and I would have to lean out and pushed it off whatever edge it was about to get stuck on.
It didn't seen to even have wheels, it just slid down hills and dirt roads and miraculously stopped at points and we would be ok and would build up the fire and do domestic things. I was very "in control" in this situation, unlike the life I led with him when my 4 oldest kids were babies (I had 4 in 5 years, while we lived, and worked, on the road as musicians)
The police were very angry at my ex, they knew what naughty AND horrid things he'd been up to, and they were wanting to put him in prison for 3 years. I was, secretly and quietly (in front of my kids) very happy about this and felt free, vindicated and empowered. I was also scared and very on high alert, in survival mode and running a complex show of care of many small children, on my own, while building up the fire and stopping the bus from crashing.
People, generally lovely, caring and honorable young men, would show up in the nick of time and help out along the way. We tended to be in the countryside and it's like we were outdoor camping; inside the bus. We were constantly covered in soot and smoke from the in-bus campfire.
The end, there was a massive storm, pretty much a hurricane (we actually, in real life, have one brewing off the coast of northern Queensland) and it got pretty hairy in the bus; moving, keeping the fire going, pushing off the side of a hill while we careened down a muddy dirt road while the wind was trying to blow the bus to pieces, but, with the help of a random passer-by guy, we managed not to crash, not to burn down, not even for the camp fire to go out, and not to lose our bus home. We slid to a stop and were ok.
I just woke up, it's 4ish in the morning and I feel so RIGHT, so OK, so resilient and capable. It's as if I wiped away years of abuse and trauma by getting my kids and I away from their dad, and keeping everything running, which contrasts to real life In real life, l stayed for nearly 21 years and had 3 more children and everyone was hurt a lot and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces, 14 years later.
I've almost never had such a healing and reparative dream. It feels like an indication of some core trauma recovery, which is very cool and exciting. Things have been very tough lately with, in particular, my oldest daughter (I have 2 daughters, oldest is nearly 30, youngest is 22, they both have babies), my oldest daughter has NOT taken my ASD diagnosis well.
Right now, though, I feel so totally OK about all of it. The capableness I felt in my dream, despite how harrowing and hectic everything was, is sticking with me.
Yay for healing and revealing dreams!!!
My ex was still with us, but instead of me and the kid's enduring years and years of misery living with him, in this dream, the police arrested him when I was a young woman, while we lived in the bus, which meant I was in charge of keeping us alive in the bus, and I still didn't drive it, it sort of careened around, and I would have to lean out and pushed it off whatever edge it was about to get stuck on.
It didn't seen to even have wheels, it just slid down hills and dirt roads and miraculously stopped at points and we would be ok and would build up the fire and do domestic things. I was very "in control" in this situation, unlike the life I led with him when my 4 oldest kids were babies (I had 4 in 5 years, while we lived, and worked, on the road as musicians)
The police were very angry at my ex, they knew what naughty AND horrid things he'd been up to, and they were wanting to put him in prison for 3 years. I was, secretly and quietly (in front of my kids) very happy about this and felt free, vindicated and empowered. I was also scared and very on high alert, in survival mode and running a complex show of care of many small children, on my own, while building up the fire and stopping the bus from crashing.
People, generally lovely, caring and honorable young men, would show up in the nick of time and help out along the way. We tended to be in the countryside and it's like we were outdoor camping; inside the bus. We were constantly covered in soot and smoke from the in-bus campfire.
The end, there was a massive storm, pretty much a hurricane (we actually, in real life, have one brewing off the coast of northern Queensland) and it got pretty hairy in the bus; moving, keeping the fire going, pushing off the side of a hill while we careened down a muddy dirt road while the wind was trying to blow the bus to pieces, but, with the help of a random passer-by guy, we managed not to crash, not to burn down, not even for the camp fire to go out, and not to lose our bus home. We slid to a stop and were ok.
I just woke up, it's 4ish in the morning and I feel so RIGHT, so OK, so resilient and capable. It's as if I wiped away years of abuse and trauma by getting my kids and I away from their dad, and keeping everything running, which contrasts to real life In real life, l stayed for nearly 21 years and had 3 more children and everyone was hurt a lot and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces, 14 years later.
I've almost never had such a healing and reparative dream. It feels like an indication of some core trauma recovery, which is very cool and exciting. Things have been very tough lately with, in particular, my oldest daughter (I have 2 daughters, oldest is nearly 30, youngest is 22, they both have babies), my oldest daughter has NOT taken my ASD diagnosis well.
Right now, though, I feel so totally OK about all of it. The capableness I felt in my dream, despite how harrowing and hectic everything was, is sticking with me.
Yay for healing and revealing dreams!!!
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