Helllppp

[Manulika Sharma]

Hi everyone,
I am new to this site. I would be glad if y’all can help me with suggestions or opinions. Please don’t hate me.

so I am an NT and there is this guy at work who I met last year and instantly fell for him. He has a girlfriend. In the beginning I found him to be weird because I had never came across with an Aspie. He was socially uncomfortable, doesn’t know how to keep up with a conversation, talks about random things, social gatherings exhaust him, it seemed that he lacked empathy. I tried being friends with him but had a hard time. After a great difficulty I managed to get him to work out with me. We got intimate almost immediately but after that he would still be awkward around me at work and didn’t like my touch. Then his girlfriend moved in with him and he told me I was not his type and that he only had lust towards me And that he was sorry about it. We just stopped hanging out and I cried and decided to move on.

after about 5 months his girlfriend moved out for job and we began working out together again but strictly professional there was zero intimacy and I kept all my feelings away. But just recently we started getting intimate again. But this time I see a difference I feel a comfort but he still says he loves his girlfriend irrespective of how different she is. I feel guilty for it but I am madly in love with him.

he accepted that he thought that I was a mean/sassy/bossy girl but the more he learnt about me he realizes he was wrong.

i don’t know how to approach this. Should I tell him openly I love him or ask him about this physical attraction. But what if he rejects me or tells me it’s lust once again.
How to deal with this. Also I don’t know he knows he has aspergers but all the symptoms match just perfect. Please help and please don’t hate me.

 

[ghostie]

No one here can tell you what is in his mind or how he feels. Also we can't diagnose his condition (neither can you, or him, he would need a professional assessment)

Sometimes it's hard (I know, I have big time communication issues) but you have to talk to him directly. If it helps, write a bit of a script and make sure you stay calm.

And until you get things sorted out please stop being intimate with someone in a relationship. Yes, technically he's the one cheating not you, but it really hurts to be cheated on. So the steps are, talk to him, sort it out, and get him to break up with his current girlfriend before you even kiss him again.

 

[Major Tom]

My guess is you are just a piece of side action and he's not going to leave his girlfriend. I'd stop persuing him and find someone that deserves your love and attention.

 

[Trophonius]

He already rejected you once. Learn to live with rejection. Let go.

Obligatory reminder:

 

[Nervous Rex]

In any relationship, the only thing you can change is yourself. You cannot dictate or force other people's actions.

In this case, can you learn to be happy with yourself, regardless of how he acts? Can you face the worst case scenario, and allow yourself to find peace in it? Once you can do that, you will either find that you don't feel as much of a need for him as you once did, or you will be in a far better position to establish a healthy relationship - not one in which you are making all the effort.

 

[Judge]

i don’t know how to approach this.

Whether or not the guy is on the spectrum of autism or not is irrelevant. This is about your willingness to be some guy's "doormat". That is what you need to consider.

Don't walk away from such a person. RUN- and don't look back!

 

[Pats]

Let it go. He's already told you what you are to him. If you want to continue being the person he uses to cheat on his girlfriend that he claims he loves, it's your prerogative. But the slim chance of you and he actually having a relationship - would you really want a relationship with someone who doesn't mind cheating on people he claims to love???

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums! After reading what you wrote, it looks like you would be best off if you moved on.

 

[Shenandoah]

The facts I see here are
1. He cheats on his gf.
2. He has Aspergers which likely means you can't read him that well.

Not a good combo. This "madly in love" business is temporary and can do a lot of damage.