H47137
New Member
Hello!
I am a bit nervous as I have never been on a forum before!
So I have been with my husband for 7 years, and it has only been this year that I have realised that my husband might have Asperger or high functioning autism. I think he also displays some behaviours of PDA. His family and close friends agree that he has, and he has agreed to go to the GP to get a formal diagnosis. I just wanted some advice on gaining a diagnosis and if my presented case below would be enough to get him a ref feral, let me know what you think! My apologies for it being so long.
About Marlon and his behaviours-What they are, why a diagnosis could help and the life struggles we have.
Marlon has had a firm diagnosis of OCD as a young teenager and was seeing a Psychologist. They we going to explore the route of other diagnosis but at the time Marlon did not want anymore labels, and did not have the correct support network around him. Marlon is intelligent and will socialise with others but is very clever at manipulating. Marlon has managed his OCD himself throughout his life, and feels like he has control over it, however there are times this is tested and he can revert back to old habits.
Marlon has followed a vegan diet up until the start of this year, which is when he decided to eat anything. Since this switch in diet it has become more apparent that he could be on the spectrum and possibly have signs of PDA.
I have been with Marlon for 5 years and married for 7 and I had noticed little things about him that I just found quirky at the time, but recently certain situations can be unbearable and our marriage has been on the line. This then lead me into looking up some of his behaviours as I work in SENCO myself, and I strongly believe that Marlon could have high functioning Autism(Aspergers) and some traits of PDA. I have approached Marlon about High functioning Autism and although it has been hard for him to understand, he feels that his life makes more sense if he was to have this. I had also contacted his Nan who he grew up with and he has contacted some very close friends to ask them their thoughts, they all came out with a definite answer that Marlon has Autism, or some form of this. The following is a list of his behaviours.
*Confusion when making decisions-overthinking and analysing.
*Out bursts, these are verbal but can feel like emotional abuse as this is normally directed at myself as I am the closest person to him. He gets in a rage going from 1 to 100 with no warning. He will shout, swear and blame me for lots of things, along with name calling. Afterwards he then doesn’t realise what he has said, along with not meaning it either.
*One of Marlons triggers is noise. We have moved house 5 times or more due to Marlon not being able to cope with certain noises. If we are out and about or in the home, if he hears noises like a motorbike he gets verbally aggressive again and completely flips out not being able to control himself. It can be any noise from something falling off a table or dropping on the floor. Marlon can sometimes been seen covering his ears. This has also affected Marlon at work.
*Marlon has always had trouble sleeping, he doesn’t seem to switch off very easily and has to allow 1 to 2 hours to try and fall asleep, then even when he does he gets up in the night to urinate and unusual amount of times.
*Marlon is unable to see anything from my point of view or the point of view of others. He can appear self centred and struggles to have a conversation unless it is something he is able to relate to or is interested in. Marlon can not understand my feelings, will very rarely feel the need to apologise for anything, and can seem emotionless.
*Marlon can not seem to self regulate or control his emotions. He seems to have spikes of being very happy to very grumpy, almost childlike.
*Marlon has his set routines and when broken or in a rush, can become verbally aggressive and difficult. Marlon likes to take his time over his routine in getting ready and making sure all of the switches are off in the house before leaving.
*Marlon does not like being told what to do, he can be very manipulative to try and get out of situations and will also become verbally aggressive and put the blame on the other person. This has affected him in jobs. Marlon normally has to be right and does not take criticism well.
*Marlon notices tiny little things about his environment that I will not notice, this leads him to getting very angry with me due to his lack of understanding that what he observes is different to mine.
*Marlon can take some sayings literally and does not like small talk and thinks it is pointless. It is not uncommon for Marlon to walk off or completely ignore you.
*Marlon has always been obsessed with fitness and physique, he knows all fitness routines and nutritional information and will memorise it. He is super strict with his routine and obsessed with calories. He has recently become obsessed with my fitness routines and my weight, often calling me fat and lazy despite working out and being in my BMI. Marlon is obsessed with perfecting fitness.
*Marlon has childlike behaviour with friendships. Recently he has made a best friend, the first time in years. This other girl has OCD and Autism so he must be able to relate to them well as it sounds like they are pretty similar. It is not uncommon with a group of friends for Marlon to be stood facing his best friend, even when others are there and he has his back to them, He seems possessive about the friendship due to being so intense and gets frustrated when people may not realise that they are best friends. He wants other people to know that he knows her better and that she is his best friend. He will not let me meet his friend due to hime being worried that I will make friends with her as well. He said if this was to happen they cannot be friends.
*After a busy day Marlon needs at least 2 hours to himself doing his own thing. Can be very distressed if disturbed.
*Marlon has a very good memory and will struggle to understand why I do not. He is unable to see that he can see and do things differently that others cannot.
*Marlon has an extreme fear of flying.
*Marlon has started to suffer with random panic attacks.
*Has suffered with bad stomach, IBS type of thing.
*Marlon will tap his fingers - his form of stimming I think.
*Marlon can repeat words people say or get stuck on a sentence.
The reason we both feel a diagnosis would be beneficial, is due to our marriage nearly ending. We want to stay together and make it work but are unsure what strategies we need to put in place, along with some support. The behaviours especially the verbal outburst are emotionally draining for myself and can be very hurtful. I feel I can not support him until I know what I am doing and know where to get support from. I feel Marlon needs some form of counseling, especially if he does get diagnosed, maybe medication to help calm him. Marriage counselling may help to as I have no idea on how to cope when Marlon is not having a good day, which is quite regular. Marlon can not process noise properly which affects him every day and ruins his quality of life, along with many of the other things listed above.
We would really appreciate some help and support as both of our quality of life at the moment are not good. Please point us in the right direction.
GP’S RESPONSIBILITIES
In Wales, your GP should be following NICE guideline 142 and be aware of the Autistic Spectrum Disorder Strategic Action Plan.
I am a bit nervous as I have never been on a forum before!
So I have been with my husband for 7 years, and it has only been this year that I have realised that my husband might have Asperger or high functioning autism. I think he also displays some behaviours of PDA. His family and close friends agree that he has, and he has agreed to go to the GP to get a formal diagnosis. I just wanted some advice on gaining a diagnosis and if my presented case below would be enough to get him a ref feral, let me know what you think! My apologies for it being so long.
About Marlon and his behaviours-What they are, why a diagnosis could help and the life struggles we have.
Marlon has had a firm diagnosis of OCD as a young teenager and was seeing a Psychologist. They we going to explore the route of other diagnosis but at the time Marlon did not want anymore labels, and did not have the correct support network around him. Marlon is intelligent and will socialise with others but is very clever at manipulating. Marlon has managed his OCD himself throughout his life, and feels like he has control over it, however there are times this is tested and he can revert back to old habits.
Marlon has followed a vegan diet up until the start of this year, which is when he decided to eat anything. Since this switch in diet it has become more apparent that he could be on the spectrum and possibly have signs of PDA.
I have been with Marlon for 5 years and married for 7 and I had noticed little things about him that I just found quirky at the time, but recently certain situations can be unbearable and our marriage has been on the line. This then lead me into looking up some of his behaviours as I work in SENCO myself, and I strongly believe that Marlon could have high functioning Autism(Aspergers) and some traits of PDA. I have approached Marlon about High functioning Autism and although it has been hard for him to understand, he feels that his life makes more sense if he was to have this. I had also contacted his Nan who he grew up with and he has contacted some very close friends to ask them their thoughts, they all came out with a definite answer that Marlon has Autism, or some form of this. The following is a list of his behaviours.
*Confusion when making decisions-overthinking and analysing.
*Out bursts, these are verbal but can feel like emotional abuse as this is normally directed at myself as I am the closest person to him. He gets in a rage going from 1 to 100 with no warning. He will shout, swear and blame me for lots of things, along with name calling. Afterwards he then doesn’t realise what he has said, along with not meaning it either.
*One of Marlons triggers is noise. We have moved house 5 times or more due to Marlon not being able to cope with certain noises. If we are out and about or in the home, if he hears noises like a motorbike he gets verbally aggressive again and completely flips out not being able to control himself. It can be any noise from something falling off a table or dropping on the floor. Marlon can sometimes been seen covering his ears. This has also affected Marlon at work.
*Marlon has always had trouble sleeping, he doesn’t seem to switch off very easily and has to allow 1 to 2 hours to try and fall asleep, then even when he does he gets up in the night to urinate and unusual amount of times.
*Marlon is unable to see anything from my point of view or the point of view of others. He can appear self centred and struggles to have a conversation unless it is something he is able to relate to or is interested in. Marlon can not understand my feelings, will very rarely feel the need to apologise for anything, and can seem emotionless.
*Marlon can not seem to self regulate or control his emotions. He seems to have spikes of being very happy to very grumpy, almost childlike.
*Marlon has his set routines and when broken or in a rush, can become verbally aggressive and difficult. Marlon likes to take his time over his routine in getting ready and making sure all of the switches are off in the house before leaving.
*Marlon does not like being told what to do, he can be very manipulative to try and get out of situations and will also become verbally aggressive and put the blame on the other person. This has affected him in jobs. Marlon normally has to be right and does not take criticism well.
*Marlon notices tiny little things about his environment that I will not notice, this leads him to getting very angry with me due to his lack of understanding that what he observes is different to mine.
*Marlon can take some sayings literally and does not like small talk and thinks it is pointless. It is not uncommon for Marlon to walk off or completely ignore you.
*Marlon has always been obsessed with fitness and physique, he knows all fitness routines and nutritional information and will memorise it. He is super strict with his routine and obsessed with calories. He has recently become obsessed with my fitness routines and my weight, often calling me fat and lazy despite working out and being in my BMI. Marlon is obsessed with perfecting fitness.
*Marlon has childlike behaviour with friendships. Recently he has made a best friend, the first time in years. This other girl has OCD and Autism so he must be able to relate to them well as it sounds like they are pretty similar. It is not uncommon with a group of friends for Marlon to be stood facing his best friend, even when others are there and he has his back to them, He seems possessive about the friendship due to being so intense and gets frustrated when people may not realise that they are best friends. He wants other people to know that he knows her better and that she is his best friend. He will not let me meet his friend due to hime being worried that I will make friends with her as well. He said if this was to happen they cannot be friends.
*After a busy day Marlon needs at least 2 hours to himself doing his own thing. Can be very distressed if disturbed.
*Marlon has a very good memory and will struggle to understand why I do not. He is unable to see that he can see and do things differently that others cannot.
*Marlon has an extreme fear of flying.
*Marlon has started to suffer with random panic attacks.
*Has suffered with bad stomach, IBS type of thing.
*Marlon will tap his fingers - his form of stimming I think.
*Marlon can repeat words people say or get stuck on a sentence.
The reason we both feel a diagnosis would be beneficial, is due to our marriage nearly ending. We want to stay together and make it work but are unsure what strategies we need to put in place, along with some support. The behaviours especially the verbal outburst are emotionally draining for myself and can be very hurtful. I feel I can not support him until I know what I am doing and know where to get support from. I feel Marlon needs some form of counseling, especially if he does get diagnosed, maybe medication to help calm him. Marriage counselling may help to as I have no idea on how to cope when Marlon is not having a good day, which is quite regular. Marlon can not process noise properly which affects him every day and ruins his quality of life, along with many of the other things listed above.
We would really appreciate some help and support as both of our quality of life at the moment are not good. Please point us in the right direction.
GP’S RESPONSIBILITIES
In Wales, your GP should be following NICE guideline 142 and be aware of the Autistic Spectrum Disorder Strategic Action Plan.
